rate it plzzzzzzzz?

Question

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to make strange mouth noises, particularly in a crowded elevator.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will develop a passion for Cajun cuisine, and will refuse to eat anything that hasn't been "blackened." Your family will draw the line at blackened corn flakes, however.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will be struck by an odd thought. It will do little actual damage, fortunately.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This might be a good time to consider night school. That's night, not knight. Unless you enjoy clanking around in armor, of course. Some people do.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Remember: it's a pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, and a murder of crows. More important for you today, though: a group of budgies is a "bludgeoning. "
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Stay home today, with the curtains drawn and the door locked. Trust me on this one.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be walking along today when you overhear someone making a snide remark about you, drawing an unflattering comparison between your personality, and landfill. A snappy reply will occur to you, sometime late next week.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That's not something you should try to deal with yourself -- call in the professionals.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today will be the best day of your life, if you can just remember ... er ... now what was that? Hmmm. If you can just remember something really important. Otherwise, no. Hmmm.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
This week, you'll discover a trick to make those meetings seem more interesting. Imagine that everyone else has a ferret clinging to their head.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will develop the extremely rare "Perkin's Disease", and will start having a strange compulsion to shoot things with tranquilizer darts, or sell insurance. Plus, you will try to trick your friend, "Jim", into wrestling a giant anaconda.

Answer 1

funny as f**k just hope others dont take it too personal ' im scorpio so you better watch out lol xx keep it up

Answer 2

Some from The Onion. The best weekly in the land.

Your Birthday Today
You'll be brought face-to-face with your own mortality this week during a series of harrowing stabs to the jaw and forehead.

Aries March 21 - April 19
Long after your death, many will remember you as the first man ever to simultaneously break both the sound and cement barrier.

Taurus April 20 - May 20
Your new Civil War novel would have made a welcome addition to the corpus of American historical fiction if its main storyline hadn't already been used in an episode of Knight Rider.

Gemini May 21 - June 21
A man is often known by the company he keeps, which is more than enough reason for you to close down Wanton Bigotry, Inc.

Answer 3

30 out of 30

Answer 4

Funny

Answer 5

I hiding behind the curtain to see who`s in the shrubbery!

When can I get professional help??

like it

Tink

Answer 6

I like this.Top marks 10/10. I am an Aries, wheres the elevator and will you be there? tee hee.

Answer 7

nice, my fiancee is virgo and we stayed in with the curtains closed all day it was great! i am aries and i even did end up making strange mouth noises! how did you know?? lol

Answer 8

They're all ok, except for the Capricorn one, it's far funnier than the others

Answer 9

interesting. i didn't discover any bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery, but great.

Answer 10

You got Capricorn all wrong, they have amazing memories, otherwise not bad.