When I do something wrong (or even when I do not, just take responsibility when my boyfriend will not), I always say I am sorry. But when I do that, he always brings it up at another time, and once I've said sorry, he takes it as admitting it was my fault. He also never really "accepts" an apology.
i.e. Rather than saying "it's okay" or "I forgive you," he will say "just don't let it happen again," or "yes, that was your mistake," etc.
This includes silly things, like not being cheery enough on a bad day. Anyway, I'm sick of it! Should I keep saying sorry? Or should I just let it be from now on..?
2007-01-17 07:38:12 · 20 answers · asked by Beautiful Mistake 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, you apologized once. If he accepted it or didn't is his problem. He wants to keep bringing up what you did to just make you feel guilty or to make you feel like a bad person compared to him then you have quite the toxic relationship. You are entitled to have bad days and to be in a gloomy mood even if that means he has to witness it and as a human you are allowed to make mistakes. You apologized for whatever it was and if you truly meant "I'm Sorry" than you don't need to keep repeating yourself.
2007-01-17 07:44:59 · answer #1 · answered by Caitlin G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a person says they are sorry and the other person says they are forgiven then that should be the end of it. It sounds to me exactly as you say and that your boyfriend can not forgive. His snide little comments are unacceptable and rude. I would ask him if he is so perfect that he makes no mistakes.
Be sure to only apologize if whatever you said or did calls for it. Once you have move on and the next time your boyfriend brings it up tell him that it is in the past and that is where he will be too if he keeps it up.
As far as if you are in a cheerful enough mood that should not be the issue. Everyone has their bad days and as long as you are not the one to start an argument it should not matter. He should be a bit more understanding. Could he be the cause of the bad days?
2007-01-17 07:46:47 · answer #2 · answered by The_answer_person 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you need to STOP apologizing so much.
First, you should never apologize for anything that is not your fault. If you are not cheery enough, it is because things in your life have made you a little unhappy. If you did not do those things on purpose, or even if you did it is not your fault that you are a little unhappy because of them.
Apologizing too much has another bad effect it not only makes you look weak, but it encourages people to use you as a door mat, after all if it wasn't your fault then you wouldn't apologize for it. If you let this continue then you will find yourself apologizing for rainy days.
Now that your boyfriend has turned you into a doormat next he is going to turn you into his scapegoat. When he does this then he can take all his anger out on you... Another words you are opening yourself for an abusive relationship.
I recommend that you stop apologizing for anything that is not directly your fault and is totally under your control. By taking so much responsibility on yourself you are only "cruising for a bruising," or worse. You can stop apologizing and stand up for yourself or you can lie down and let your boyfriend and life in general kill you, because that is the path you have made for yourself. You think that you are helping your relationship when you are actually only making it worse. Don't feel alone a lot of abused spouses have gone down this same path. I would get off that path right now and if your boyfriend can't follow you then find one who can.
2007-01-17 07:44:29 · answer #3 · answered by Dan S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm, you do realize you asked the wrong question right? What you should've asked is why are you still putting up with such childish immature behaviour? Obviously you are not happy. And you know, Love keeps no records of wrong. If you do not like the way he treats you, leave now. Go find someone who will not only treat you like the queen that you are but treat you as your totally deserve to be treated. Don't do foolish things like letting your pride get in the way, and try to fix him or help him, you can't and it won't work. This is something the loser needs to work on, quick too if wants to keep you around.
Always remember if you can do better then you should.
2007-01-17 07:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by simm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop saying that you are sorry. If the relationship has not ended because of the infraction, then he has accepted your apologies and should not continue to throw the issues in your face in an attempt to use your "mistakes" as weapons to control you...Get rid of that jerk. He is not worth your time. IT TAKES TWO OPPOSING FORCES TO HAVE A CONFLICT AND NO ONE PERSON IS WRONG ALL OF THE TIME. Dump that childish loser and find a REAL MAN to spend your time with. His responses to your apologies show that he has a controlling and need to dominate nature and before he becomes violent with you (and believe you me, that is the road you're on) you need to exit the relationship. No male is worth losing your self respect.
2007-01-17 07:47:39 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh dear, he doesn't sound like he deserves a damn apology! Stop apologising now unless you've done something worth apologising for. After all you are obviously a polite and thoughtful person. That way you can keep some of your self esteem which it seems to me he's out to squash. Sounds to me like he'd prefer a nodding dog than a girlfriend, watch him because I've a feeling he'd prefer you to be a stepford wife than a real person. If he wants to live in the past and keep bringing up old mishaps leave him with them in the past! Move on to the future!
2007-01-17 07:47:59 · answer #6 · answered by victoriaplum 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that's hard. My husband finally said I am sorry to me last year and we've been together for over 17 years. You are setting a good example and if he can't admit to saying sorry when he is at fault I can't say he is not worth your time. I can only say if you feel he is not one to admit to fault you should let him know how you feel. It may and it may not make a difference. Good luck.
2007-01-17 07:48:17 · answer #7 · answered by ThisIsAsHonestAsItGets 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time he raises the issue, you should tell him that he can't keep throwing it back into your face, that he either needs to forgive you or he needs to forget about the mistake you made and move on. You shouldn't have to keep saying your sorry.
2007-01-17 07:44:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya never take the blame for everything....I strongley beleve that its not just one and its just not u i think that it is the both and i usto do the same thing and then he is like what are u not going to tell me that u are sorry and i am like no this is away that they have u where they want u and if something was to happen then they wiilll say that its allu and its not they need to know that its them to
2007-01-17 07:44:11 · answer #9 · answered by megryanmc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not keep apologizing for something he has already accepted your apology for. Call him on it, ask him if he has really forgiven you for the mistakes you have made and if he has then there is no point to bring them up again because they just stir up emotions again.
2007-01-17 07:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by vruiz16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋