Religion & Spirituality - 6 September 2006

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!

Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.

But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.

In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get my hands on to throw at him.

Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!

The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump.

"Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side!

Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away.

As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.

A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator......

.

2006-09-06 19:09:45 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 19:07:56 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist.
She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," said Mrs.Johnson. "My health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary.

"When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the b*tch to go nuts looking for the jewelry."


think she will?
.

2006-09-06 19:06:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Don, I know you will tell us all the wrong answer.

2006-09-06 19:06:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

My sister was given the news that she has cancer. Now she is thinking about going back to her church, suddenly believes in god again. I just don't understand how one minute someone can be so against something and the next back into it, acting all preachy and stuff. Why do they do this??

2006-09-06 19:03:28 · 39 answers · asked by a_rose_by_another_name 3

2006-09-06 19:03:05 · 8 answers · asked by Great Man 1

If I were to quit my job today, and I believe that God had a plan for me, other than laboring 40hrs a week with sinners, and sinning in the way that all I work there for is the money.... Do you think God will bring me into ministry?? Or is it a gradual thing?

2006-09-06 18:59:25 · 25 answers · asked by clint_lewin 2

i just sometimes think to myself that what ever it was, would have to b the one 4 me to follow, im not really to sure what to do

2006-09-06 18:55:00 · 13 answers · asked by louise 3

If god loves us so much how can anything we do be wrong. he created us. the good and the bad parts of human nature. so how can a god that created us the way we are exspect us to be any differant than the way he created us.If hes going to set up there and watch us like a vidieo game or some kinda show for his own amusement and let us make those wrong choices and then torture us with fire in hell after we die. how is that right, he created us. he created the world this way. Ive beleived in god all my life but latley i feel im loosing faith. I have so many unanswered question. why does god let children suffer? why is he not stopping this war? why does he let people be poor and some be rich? If he wanted good loving christians, he would of created the world that way. he would of gave us peace on earth. He would be on earth with us defending all thats good, making things right for all people. the poor and the rich.

2006-09-06 18:54:54 · 20 answers · asked by KCZ 1

probably a recent progrmme in History channel indicated love, kindness, peace and unity can be acts of Devil.. any thoughts in this regard..?

2006-09-06 18:53:56 · 6 answers · asked by jayakrishnaathmavidya 4

2006-09-06 18:53:10 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

I don't get it. Doesn't God have bigger things to worry about than whether or not you win a football game?

2006-09-06 18:53:08 · 6 answers · asked by bustylaroo99 4

If god loves us so much how can anything we do be wrong. he created us. the good and the bad parts of human nature. so how can a god that created us the way we are exspect us to be any differant than the way he created us.If hes going to set up there and watch us like a vidieo game or some kinda show for his own amusement and let us make those wrong choices and then torture us with fire in hell after we die. how is that right, he created us. he created the world this way. Ive beleived in god all my life but latley i feel im loosing faith. I have so many unanswered question. why does god let children suffer? why is he not stopping this war? why does he let people be poor and some be rich? If he wanted good loving christians, he would of created the world that way. he would of gave us peace on earth. He would be on earth with us defending all thats good, making things right for all people. the poor and the rich.

2006-09-06 18:53:00 · 6 answers · asked by KCZ 1

2006-09-06 18:52:37 · 14 answers · asked by tabygurl 2

Under the teachings of Christianity, Satan is supposed to be some fallen angel that has gone into a world of evil and is trying to mess with us. I think the doctrine even says he was the smartest angel and one that god favored most. However, to believe that Satan is what he is, one could easily conclude that he is an idiot. Why you may ask? Simply because, if the doctrine and religions are right, Satan will lose in the end. Knowing that he will lose and suffer and what not, why would he keep up this act? Unless there is the possibility he may one day rule over god and be our dark lord for all eternity. Satan continuing to be Satan is as logical as a person jumping from the empire state building and thinking he'll land safely. So why, I ask, would Satan be an idiot and bother to keep up his act?

Oh, and please whynotaskdon refrain from answering. If anyone here is Satan, it is likely to be you.

2006-09-06 18:52:11 · 13 answers · asked by Alucard 4

* Nimrod according to the book of Genesis in the Bible was the Mighty Man and Great Hunter for God. ( I picture that to be akin to the Mythical Heroes and Great Warriors of various cultures )

* He was a Great Ruler who had dominion over many great cities including some from Babylon and Assyria. He is also believed to have built Nineveh as well.

- One source I read, says Nimrod is also the father of astrology, he is said to have married his mother who was an amazingly beautiful woman called Semiramis who was so beautiful, that when she stepped out to her balcony to take a look at the war outside the siege walls, the soldiers on both sides all stopped fighting just to admire her beauty. ( OMG!)

- It is believed the image of him and Semiramis, is the basic source image used by the Babylonians and Asyyrians to depict the Babylonian Goddess Ashtarte with Child. On a lesser scale, Isis and Horus as well.
* So is he Friend or Foe to Devotees of the Judeo-Christian faith?

2006-09-06 18:51:14 · 10 answers · asked by Sheena 3

August 27, 2006
A cry for art

If Orwell really said 'Some ideas are so stupid that only an intellectual could believe them', he might have added that there's no notion so inane that some artistic person won't come up with it. On the front of the Sunday Times magazine today there are photographs - 20 of them - of young children crying. They were made to cry by the photographer, Jill Greenberg, arranging for their mothers to give them lollipops and then take the lollipops away. And for why?

[She] intended her images of sobbing babies to be a metaphorical commentary on what she sees as the evils of the Bush administration and the dangerous influence of the evangelical religious right.
What a bold concept. And the best way of achieving this aim:
I was trying to make images that made you feel something, because we are so inundated with images in our culture that oftentimes people don't feel anything.
We've all got deadened feelings, so... I know, I'll distress a whole lot of kids.

2006-09-06 18:48:34 · 14 answers · asked by Doug B 3

2006-09-06 18:48:08 · 20 answers · asked by Kevin H. 3

2006-09-06 18:46:04 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm not too sure how many people out there ask themselves this though, so I'm posting it for people to give their reasons. (no this is not an attack)

First, if you don't want to give the true reason then that's ok. No need to post witless coments like "none of your business"

Second, people who cut and paste scriptural dogma to reinforce their beliefs are probably the most insecure people I've ever have talked to. If you have to cut and paste your beliefs, your reasons you're already in trouble.

Third, please explain, whether it is by logic, fear, security, happiness etc...

I don't ask to argue. I ask to understand.

2006-09-06 18:45:28 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

How many of you believe the life we live in is not exactly real. It is all ordered to be, perhaps by a god up there.

Life as we know it, is more like the hollo deck aboard the Enterprise. It is made to be real whereas in actually fact, it is not.

How many of you believe life is really like that?

2006-09-06 18:39:54 · 21 answers · asked by Sleuth! 3

Haven't you pretended long enough? 2000 years??

2006-09-06 18:38:44 · 29 answers · asked by fresh2 4

violate and remove something as simple as this.
i posted a heart felt thank you to all the people who had said they would include my wife in their prayers. i know that this wasn't a question on an answer but come on now! is there ever anything offensive about a sincere thank you?
so again i thank you all and i have to do it like this so they won't remove it again. please know that your prayers from all religions and faiths are greatly needed and apreciated.

2006-09-06 18:38:16 · 12 answers · asked by bgdadyp 5

Most religious people don’t understand the meaning of blasphemy according to statistical surveys, and the meaning of blasphemy today is different than meaning of blasphemy years ago, but why, according to the Bible, is blasphemy of the Holy Ghost or Spirit (a part of the Trinity) an unforgivable sin doomed to Hell, yet blasphemy of the other two parts of the Trinity, the Father and the Son, is forgivable?

Why is this so, and what does it mean?

2006-09-06 18:37:29 · 15 answers · asked by Brenda's World 4

2006-09-06 18:36:35 · 35 answers · asked by jetangel101 1

ok 9/11 could be any damn person in the world but why should u blame muslims just cause dumbass bush said so? if someone comes in ur country and ur the president you dont want them taking over, maby the iraqies liked suddam and bushed ruined it plus the middle east in general dont have any explosives, thats why they blow themself up cause nothing is left inside of them and islam is not a violent religion its peaceful always look at somthing at a different angle. SO tell me why is a muslim a terriost?

2006-09-06 18:32:51 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is it possible that the word covenant comes from the word coven? Do you know the origin of the word covenant?

2006-09-06 18:32:05 · 8 answers · asked by Maggie 6

could someone please tell me about this religon please, i want to find out, so i can learn

2006-09-06 18:28:02 · 14 answers · asked by louise 3

this questions probably annoying...

2006-09-06 18:26:16 · 46 answers · asked by Euro 3

i mean i tried christanity but im soo lost plus the quran book wasnt changed since it was born 1400, and the bible has soo many versions i belive in jesus as you do but why not give islam a try?

2006-09-06 18:24:25 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous