I don't know what my sexuality is. Or I do know, and I am just still sunconseiously blameing myself for an abuse that happened over a decade ago. If men get to close to me, or flirts, I feel uncomfortable. If a women does, I feel nothing. I actually feel tingles if a girl touchs my back. I've never had a crush on a women. I've always had a crush one men...........Ofcourse, I could have just convinced myself I had a crush...Which, I think I did. I try to force myself to like the precence of a guy, but when I kiss them I feel nothing....Even when it's with one I thought I liked. When I force myself to like it I get sick. Could this be because I felt that I did nothing to prevent/stop the abuse I had, and I am sick with guilt? Could it be because I am still in "the closet?"
I even have dreams that I am with a women, and most of them have me as a guy. I have never dreamed about being with a guy. I had a few dreams of my family abusing/blaming me for the abuse. I am 21.
2006-06-10
04:55:05
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14 answers
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Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender