Need advice from a Christian perspective...?

Question

I have a friend from college that I have known for 12 years. He is a nice guy but is always negative about his life and the misfortune that follows him. All of our friends from college have abandoned him. It is difficult to be his friend. I would hate to leave him, but his negativity and hopelessness are too much to take. Would it be wrong to walk away from him when I'm his only remaining friend?

Let me add he is unwilling to follow advice and believes others are responsible for the pain in his life.

Answer 1

Love him and pray for him. But there are times you will have to leave him and move on and trust the lord to take care of him and place him in his hands.God is able to do all things.We can not depend on our self to get the job done.The Lord cares even more than we do. So I would just sort of speak, cast your care on the Lord. Or he will bring you down also. Love in Christ.

Answer 2

I'm an agnostic. But could be this bloke is suffering from depression maybe he needs professional help. I think u should stay his friend. Have u ask him why he feels this way. Maybe u could persuade him to speak to councilor about how he is feeling. Sounds like he's an unhappy person maybe he's been let down a lot in his past. He does need to learn to stop being negative, feeling hopeless and blaming his misfortunes on others and trying to See that if he could change he can make things better. But it sounds like he has depression so its gonna be hard for him to not feel so negative and hopeless. He should get professional help.

Answer 3

well, i had a friend that was just like that, and the truth is that you can only help someone that wants to be helped. if he's losing friends because of his own behavioral patterns, you cant do much for him in the mean time. i wouldnt abandon him, but i'd say "listen man, i cant deal with feeling crappy all the time. life is too short to focus on the negativity all the time. when you're feeling better and want to have some fun, give me a ring. meanwhile, i'm gonna live it up."

it wasnt too long after i had that kind of talk that my friend called and was like "wanna do something?". he still got moody on a semi-regular basis, but he realized that he needed to lighten up once in a while.

Answer 4

Big Daddy,

I admire your willingness to stick by your friend. Your friend suffers from low self esteem. The problem, as you have noticed, is that he doesn’t want help. Often people must reach a place where it is more painful to hold on to their stinking thinking than it is to let it go before they seek help. I suggest that you pray for him and continue to be his friend without letting him drain all your emotional energy or ruin your other relationships. As long as he isn’t “hurting” you, you are helping him whether it looks like it or not. As you pray, listen for wise ways to help him, and hang in there. You sound like a really great guy and a great friend.

If you can talk to him and convince him that he is ruining his own life by his attitudes, there is a great workbook by David Burns called “Ten Days to Self-Esteem.” The book will change the way he thinks and the way that he feels, but only if he wants help and will complete the workbook. The book is $11 on Amazon.com

God bless.

Answer 5

Does he know that he gives this impression of himself? Confront him on it. For years I had a difficult time accepting compliments. If someone lifted me up for something that I did well I would belittle my accomplishment. The truth was that as a child I never received encouragement and so as an adult I did not know how to respond. I did not know that I was insulting others by my response. It was after someone pointed this out to me that I learned to just say "thank-you" and let it be. Maybe your friend does not know how he is perceived. Be a friend and open his eyes.

Answer 6

Wow, this is a tough call. Apparently your friend is depressed, sounds like clinically depressed.
I have a co-employee, that I consider a friend that is the same way. She is always in a crisis, everyone (our bosses)is always out to get her, her son is being taken advantage of & so on ad infinitum.
I let her blow off steam, then when she asks how I am doing, I tell her about the positive/good things going on in my life. I try (delicately) to witness Christ to her. So, if you can stand it, hang in there. Pray the Lord will help you to point our something good in his life.

Answer 7

Ask the Holy Spirit for insight on why he is like this. I suffered from self esteem from high school. Some have felt the need to put others down to make themselves better, while not making improvements on themselves.
He may looking for pity and attention. Look for things to do with him that are constructive, if all this fails, fasting and prayer are the only options left.

Answer 8

You asked for a Christian perspective. First then you say you might walk away because its to much for you. That is not seeking his well being but yours. You must decide what is bests for him. Is it best to let him fail and fall that he might cry out to God for help or is it best to show him mercy and kindness that he might see Christ in you. We are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers so you shouldn't be best friends but you can be friendly if its to his best interest. You know him the best and should seek discernment on that which is consistent with first honouring God. Who knows but your actions may save a soul from death.
It doesn't hurt to draw a line for him and say he needs to act and speak in a less negative way to remain on a friendly basis with you. And as they used to say he can count his blessings of life, liberty, and a friend like you.

Answer 9

If you ask me, yes it would be wrong to leave him. I understand that it may be hard to be around someone who's negative all them time but if you leave him, he may do something regrettable. I suggest that you stay by his side and show him the upside of life. Also, you could always just talk to him and see why he's so negative. Hope this helps and God bless u.

Answer 10

Being his last remaining friend, I hate to say that you should leave him yourself. But if his attitude is exceedingly intolerable, then there would be no other choice. But don't grieve or feel guilty because if you do that, it might initiate him to think deeper about his deficiencies as a friend. Sometimes a miracle can come from where you don't expect it to.