I don't know what my sexuality is. Or I do know, and I am just still sunconseiously blameing myself for an abuse that happened over a decade ago. If men get to close to me, or flirts, I feel uncomfortable. If a women does, I feel nothing. I actually feel tingles if a girl touchs my back. I've never had a crush on a women. I've always had a crush one men...........Ofcourse, I could have just convinced myself I had a crush...Which, I think I did. I try to force myself to like the precence of a guy, but when I kiss them I feel nothing....Even when it's with one I thought I liked. When I force myself to like it I get sick. Could this be because I felt that I did nothing to prevent/stop the abuse I had, and I am sick with guilt? Could it be because I am still in "the closet?"
I even have dreams that I am with a women, and most of them have me as a guy. I have never dreamed about being with a guy. I had a few dreams of my family abusing/blaming me for the abuse. I am 21.
2006-06-10 04:55:05 · 14 answers · asked by ? 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Sexuality is a combination of things: physical and psychological attraction, emotional desire and reaction, and the personal and spiritual development and identity of the person.
You have had your sexuality damaged by abuse. A good counselor or therapist can definitely help you find ways to overcome that first. Only when you have begun to heal from that will you be able to sort out any other questions. There's no need to rush or force anything.
Your dreams about women may be related to needing to be comforted -- which women tend to do better than men. I'm not saying you may not be attracted to them, but it could be related to the need for healing.
Sexuality is a spectrum, including same-sex attraction, opopsite-sex attraction, being attracted to both (to varying degrees) and asexuality, or being attracted to neither. With all those possibilities, there's no reason to label yourself or your emotions.
Please don't feel guilty about any aspect of the abuse either. Abuse causes fear -- it's like terrorism on your soul. And fear is often out of your control. Please try to forgive your 11-year-old self for not being able to stop or prevent the abuse.
Take the time to heal, to sort out your feelings with someone who can go through them with you, and who will not judge or blame you.
2006-06-10 05:57:18 · answer #1 · answered by blueowlboy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to make any decisions as to what is what. Just coast for a while and see what happens. The truth will dawn on you when the time is right. But if you have mixed emotions as to yourself, what is the problem? Society's view? Your inherited view? Get over yourself...you are going to have to life with you for a long time, and you cannot get a divorce from you. It is your life, not anyone else's. And please don't blame whatever has gone down in the past for what you are or how you approach life. You have the ability to get over the past, and I suggest you do so, starting today. No one here can tell you what to do...that is up to you. I will warn you NOT to involve anyone else in this, as in a love affair, until you know which end is up. That would be very unfair to anyone entering your life, wouldn't it?
2006-06-10 12:00:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I you need to seek help to work through the abuse before you can decide you sexuality . When someone is abuse they shut down and it can take a while to learn to channel those feelings and emotions . Try to find a Therapist that you feel comfortable with and talk to him/her about the abuse . The truth may deeper than you think . I wish you luck and hope that you will find a way to work through this confusion .
2006-06-10 22:20:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't understand why you blame yourself!!!You didn't want it and if you had the power to stop the abuse I think you would.So why you spend the rest of your life paying for a thing that happened in the past.Tell yourself that past is past and yesterday will never ever come again and God will not blame because you were the abused not the abuser.Learn to forget and forgive yourself.
2006-06-10 12:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by stilla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were an abused child, your sexuality was battered and compromised long ago. I would advise getting some REAL counseling, and setting your sexuality aside for a time. You cannot base huge life altering decisions on a battered and compromised foundations. Email me if you want to talk or need help finding counseling options.
2006-06-10 12:01:11 · answer #5 · answered by stillonlysith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some counselling to help you with the emotional issues you obviously have. As far as pinning down your sexuality, I would say to wait and see how your counselling goes. Sexual orientation is really not as clear-cut as most people make it sound. Most of us search and struggle all our lives to "define" ourselves in this way. I'll bet it's even harder with a past like yours. My advice is not to try so hard to "define" because all definitions do is confine our humanness in some sort of box. It's better to explore yourself and figure it out that way. Just do whatever makes YOU happy and don't worry what word to call yourself.
2006-06-10 12:02:04 · answer #6 · answered by ladybugewa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something within you (Conscience) is telling you two things.
1) something wrong with gayness, it's not for you.
2) you need to remove the stain you got on your developement from abuse.
The secret ingredient, how the stain got inside you, is resentment. Resentment is a tape loop and you are living inside your head, which is to say, a dream state.
To wake up out of the hypnosis, there is a free exercise below.
2006-06-10 12:04:20 · answer #7 · answered by who WAS #1? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the sexual abuse when I was little, forced to watch porn at age 7 or 8 yrs old. which I grew up blaming myself and wishing I should have told my family but never did I kept it to myself. I dated guys but when it came to kissin them I felt disgusted about it, I had sex with 1 and I felt so sick I stopped datin them to find myself and realized that I like women, I dont blame my family or myself for what I went through I blame those who hurt me. good luck..but remember its not your fault for what you went through. if your family are the ones that abused you they are the ones to blame not you
2006-06-10 14:35:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
abuse you can heal from in cognitive behavioural therapy. will help with the guilt etc. however, your gayness is something you are born with, nothing to be ashamed of, and you can learn to accept yourself the way you are in therapy also. good luck!
theres nothing wrong with you! you arent broken! you just need to heal some wounds that have been around for too long without attention.
peace
2006-06-10 12:56:15 · answer #9 · answered by Charmed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tori Bird, I feel for you. You have been living with a problem too long. I suggest you find a reputable Psychiatrist and discuss the issue. The sooner the better
2006-06-10 12:01:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋