Entertainment & Music - 14 November 2007

2007-11-14 21:20:01 · 10 answers · asked by Snacky 6 in Polls & Surveys

How will the world end? best answer must be mind blowingly fantastic. like, mind-blowing.

2007-11-14 21:19:45 · 10 answers · asked by C J 3 in Polls & Surveys

Grandma and grandpa were watching a religious
healing program on TV.

The evangelist called to all who wanted to be
healed, to put one hand on the TV and the other
on the body part they wanted healed.

Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the
TV and the other on her arthritic hip.

Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand
on the TV and the other on his crotch.

Grandma looked at him with disgust: "You just don't
understand, you old coot!

The purpose of this program is to heal the sick,
not raise the dead."

2007-11-14 21:19:36 · 22 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-14 21:19:15 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

How many girls have gone up in talent competitions, thinking they were the best because they could imitate Mariah Carey?

It's scary and sad. The number may be in the hundreds of millions. Rihanna was one.

2007-11-14 21:18:59 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar completely drunk. He walks up to the bartender and asks for a drink. The bartender kindly tells the guy he can't give him a drink because he is already drunk. Angry the guy stumbles back out the front door. About five minuters later the guy stumbles through the side door of the bar. He asks the bartender for a drink and once again the bartender tells the guy no because he is already drunk. The guy stumbles back through the side door. A few minutes later the guy stumbles through the bars back door. The guy walks up to the bar, looks at the bartender for a moment then says "Damn man how many bars do you work at?"

2007-11-14 21:17:14 · 23 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6 in Jokes & Riddles

I dont think i would!

2007-11-14 21:17:07 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 21:16:19 · 6 answers · asked by †ђ!ηK †αηK² 6 in Polls & Surveys

says and does for you?

2007-11-14 21:15:54 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo- Irish accords. The crowd is huge - thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness, can't help but have a little rivalry, both being heads of churches and all.

The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal- gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen, "Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice. They will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants."

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slaps her.

2007-11-14 21:15:41 · 11 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-14 21:15:28 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Gotta go with Fall Out Boy.

2007-11-14 21:15:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

The Man Code
• Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
• Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
• Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
• When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
• Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
• You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).
• If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
• The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
• Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
• No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
• Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty.
• Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
• Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
• If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. *You* didn't see nothin'.
• The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
• A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
• When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
• When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
• It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and a supermodel delivers it... and it's free.
• Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
• A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
• If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ***-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
• Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
• If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
• Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
• If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

2007-11-14 21:14:54 · 9 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

Judy is in big trouble. Her one-woman business went down the drain and she is in serious financial trouble. So she falls down on her knees and starts praying, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"God please help me, I am completely broke, and on the verge of having everything reposessed. Please let me win the big lottery!"

Lotto-evening comes and goes, and someone else has walked away with the big prize. So Judy goes and prays again.

"Please please God, I just lost my house too and my car is next. Please I beg you let me win the state lottery!"

Lotto-evening is up again, numbers are being rolled, and again someone else walks away a millionair. No luck for Judy. This time she completely breaks down, crying.

"Oh no please please please God, why don't you help me? I have no home, no car, two kids, and nowhere to go. I have always served you and never asked for help. This one time I ask, and you don't answer me. Please I ask again, let me win this upcoming lottery so I can start my life new! Please God!"

Suddenly there is this blinding flash in front of her as the heavens open up, and loud and clear she hears God's voice saying, "Judy, help me out here, will ya? Buy a damn ticket

2007-11-14 21:13:46 · 12 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

He Said She Said

He said... "Want a quickie?"
She said..."As opposed to what?"

He said... "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in
it."
She said..."You wear briefs, don't you?"

He said... "Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?"
She said..."Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money."

She said..."I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee-start
packing!"
He said... "That's great!!! What should I pack?"
She said..."Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"

He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
She said..."No problem, I'll get you someyhing that is."

She said..."What do you mean by coming home half drunk?"
He said... "It's not my fault...I ran out of money."

He said... "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way."
She said..."Well, you succeeded."

He said... "If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well."
She said..."Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we would do without the gardener too"

Priest... "I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband."
She said..."Who's gonna look?"

He said... "You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
She said..."No, have you?"

He said... "Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?"
She said..."Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind."

He said... "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"
She said..."Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

He said... "Let's go out and have some fun tonight."
She said..."Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."

He said... "Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She said..."I would, but you're never there."

He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

2007-11-14 21:12:55 · 8 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she
thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

2007-11-14 21:11:34 · 8 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

i hear what your saying but i just cant make a sound?

2007-11-14 21:11:02 · 16 answers · asked by Living_Legend 3 in Polls & Surveys

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him, "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex."

The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings.

First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says, "Omigosh! Four people having sex!"

Next, the doctor draws a circle, at which the man gasps, and says, "One man having sex."

Next, the doctor draws a triangle, which, of course, the patient identifies as, "Two woman and one man having sex."

The doctor put the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I do believe that you have an obsession with sex."

To which the man replies, "Me? You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"

2007-11-14 21:10:29 · 11 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-14 21:10:20 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 21:07:47 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 21:03:30 · 5 answers · asked by Moose 6 in Polls & Surveys

that ill never leave but would you do the same for me?

2007-11-14 21:02:27 · 4 answers · asked by Living_Legend 3 in Polls & Surveys

My harmonica is a C Hohner Silver Star. If I bend on the first, it bent (without tilting). But when I tried the same technique on the 2,3 and 4 hole it's exactly the same with the normal draw. Is it my technique or the harmonica is broken? When I try tilting the harmonica and drew hole two it made a screeching sound...

2007-11-14 21:01:12 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Blues

What about Bird Flu?!

2007-11-14 21:00:39 · 37 answers · asked by ǝsɹnuʎxǝs 6 in Polls & Surveys

How many men does it take to open a beer?
> > None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> > Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
> > probably never be able to support you.
> > Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> >
> > It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
> > stand closer to the kitchen sink.
> > How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> > When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
> > How do you fix a woman's watch?
> > You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> Why do men break wind more than women?
> > Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
> > pressure.
> > If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
> > at the front door, who do you let in first?
> > The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you have let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> >
> > A woman who won't do what she's told.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > I married Miss Right.
> >
> > I just didn't know her first name was
> > Always.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
> > drive by 90%.
> >
> > It's called a Wedding Cake.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Why do men die before their wives?
> >
> > They want to.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Women will never be equal to men
> > until they can walk down the street
> >
> > with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
> > sexy.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
> > Then God created Man and rested.
> > Then God created Woman.
> >
> > Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------

2007-11-14 20:57:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-14 20:57:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 20:56:54 · 28 answers · asked by ♥Yummy♥ ✰ 3 in Polls & Surveys

...Stood up on top of your neighbor's house at 3:00 a.m. in the morning during high winds with your feet planted wide apart, and your thumbs in your pockets, and shouted out at the top of your lungs...

"Thar She Blows, Captain!"

(I do that all the time...)

2007-11-14 20:54:05 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

There's a farmer nearby who's rumored to have 4 beautiful daughters.....
One by one, the boys show up at his house....



- 'Evening sir. My name's Lance, I'd love to take your daughter France to the dance...is there a chance?

Farmer looks at him up and down, thinks to himself -he's in the army, can't be all bad. ....allright.
Accepts under the condition he bring her back by midnight.



Second guy shows up.
Good evening sir, name's Blair, I'd like to take your daughter Claire to the fair, is she there?

Same deal, no worries, just no hanky panky and bring her back by midnight.....




Third guy :
Hi, I'm Ray, I want to take your daughter Faye to the play, is that okay??.....

- No funny stuff-back by midnight.....
-Yes sir!....




The forth bloke shows up
- Hi my name's Tucker.......













And the farmer shot him......

2007-11-14 20:50:35 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Dragon Knights is by Mineko Ohkami. And it doesn't matter wether it's in English or not.

2007-11-14 20:50:16 · 1 answers · asked by Bloody Mary 1 in Comics & Animation