Entertainment & Music - 14 November 2007

2007-11-14 19:37:40 · 18 answers · asked by ? 3 in Polls & Surveys

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceed to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp it.
2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the Cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat Me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The reccommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God!"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

2007-11-14 19:35:24 · 13 answers · asked by 2Tall 2 in Jokes & Riddles

$8 for me.

2007-11-14 19:34:44 · 15 answers · asked by †ђ!ηK †αηK² 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:34:41 · 9 answers · asked by Kat 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:33:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:33:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

10- I'm the nicest person I know....lol

2007-11-14 19:29:18 · 58 answers · asked by ?only?me? 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:27:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

2007-11-14 19:25:59 · 14 answers · asked by Cliff 6 in Polls & Surveys

I've always wondered this since forever. I love his music, and I'm curious!!!!

2007-11-14 19:25:52 · 5 answers · asked by Texasgal 4 in Celebrities

2007-11-14 19:25:06 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:22:38 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

To which sections would it appear more often??

Tell us how you think of it and be as spooky as possible!

2007-11-14 19:21:52 · 7 answers · asked by Alice in Wonderbra 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:21:15 · 11 answers · asked by Mag 7 in Polls & Surveys

http://www.nikkisixx.net/media/data/505/medium/Photo_3_NIkki_alone.jpg

2007-11-14 19:19:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

2007-11-14 19:12:55 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Ok,i need help.I know dairy products is not good for your singing,but is it only temporarily? My singing voice is getting lower each day,does this has sumthin to do wif puberty?Or is it something else? I'm 15 n i need help fast!

2007-11-14 19:12:45 · 8 answers · asked by ? 4 in Singing

2007-11-14 19:11:11 · 173 answers · asked by Judas Rabbi 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:05:08 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:02:54 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 18:58:44 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

2007-11-14 18:57:45 · 8 answers · asked by 2Tall 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-14 18:57:25 · 15 answers · asked by mojo569 4 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 18:57:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Just wondering because I almost never talk, wich makes me wonder how I have so many friends.

2007-11-14 18:57:18 · 9 answers · asked by GUY 2 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 18:56:51 · 21 answers · asked by †ђ!ηK †αηK² 6 in Polls & Surveys

Mary and Sheila were outside their old people's nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain.
Sheila pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Mary asks, "What's that?"

Sheilacalmly replies. "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Mary then asks "Where did you get it?"

Sheila says, "You can get them at any pharmacist."

The next day, Mary hobbles into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Mary replies "Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

2007-11-14 18:56:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-14 18:55:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I get air from my diaphragm.

2007-11-14 18:54:43 · 3 answers · asked by recherche 1 in Singing

Like politely say no or just hang up or something else?

2007-11-14 18:53:40 · 44 answers · asked by C4 Snake 3 in Polls & Surveys