Here is an example of a short story I wrote, that had alot of criticism on the "you" when describing someone else.
You’re standing in the doorway watching me. I’m moving around trying to find something. There’s a look in your eye…lust. Or is it desire or admiration? I can’t tell. You move into the middle of the room. I have to step around you now to get to my destination. I’m by your side now, in mid-step to get past you when you lightly grab hold of my wrist. I stop short, startled, and look at you. I have to look up at an angle, because you’re a couple inches taller then me. A small strand of my hair falls in my face. With your free hand, you slowly reach over and gently tuck it behind my ear. A small smile of satisfaction creeps across your face. Your lips, so perfectly shaped, and your smile, a smile that shows your true emotions.
Ok thats only part of it because the rest wont fit lol
2007-07-20
15:28:11
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10 answers
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asked by
Jessica
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Other - Arts & Humanities