Are you sick of Undeleted Penfold and his New Found Faith and his filthy little closet/box that he calls a church? Me too. Then come worship at the Church of Bipolar Opposition and shower me with your goiters.
I am currently composing my own Holy Book of Mental and Religious Remedies, which will contain all my scriptures and include full color pictures for those faithful out there who made a wise decision to abandon education at an early age. Telephone numbers where you can make donations will also be included (on every page). I will be requiring nubile veterinarians for my steed Salty aka Quantum Penfold. Anyone competent enough to read this wishing to apply for this position should use the form that will be posted shortly.
In order to conform to the requirements of the Higher Power Charities and Religious Institutions Act of 1998 BC (HPCRIA make a sneezing sound), it is necessary to demonstrate the serious desire of my new church/cult to get rich quick by having a hate figure that we can very viciously persecute. I nominate Penfold as the Head Dark Antistooge and his stinky enforcer Jack Torrance as #2 (heh-heh-heh…). Along with their Y!Concubine Cinnamon (part siren, part flasher). They shall now be known throughout and forever as the Unholy Ahollies… Their evil number is 888...8. Yes 8888!
For the position of writing the “Peter Paul and Mary” type guide to the Messiah, I nominate TD Euwaite (clearly for superior memory and propaganda skills, he is the only one left on this planet who clearly does not partake of the holy Marijewanna Bush) and for Mary Magdalene type squeeze -Victory (because I want to have faith that she is hot) . Come to us Mike! We will provide you with angelic apparitions as necessary so you really don’t have to do anything but to just sit pretty ($128,000 a year to start). Other nominations include Tyler Durden (ex-leper extraordinaire/jester) and Piquant Pariah (entertainment planner). I would also like to appoint “Personal Laptop Jesus w/gay!“ as my secretary of horticulture. All others will dress in raisin loaf sandals and fill in where necessary. I think that just about covers it so get worshipping.
Oh woe with the world, for a smitee Penfold fell out of the sky and smited our previous smiter. We shall laugh in the face of the new dark oppressor (3 minute pause for laughing). Blessed are the basket weavers, fluffy room padders, beavers and squirrels. May your goldfish get piscine rabies should you decide to oppose Ultrastooge or decide to branch off as a separatist. Pelmeni! (cause they are delicious)
2007-06-24
05:10:53
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12 answers
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Anonymous
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Religion & Spirituality