Are you sick of Undeleted Penfold and his New Found Faith and his filthy little closet/box that he calls a church? Me too. Then come worship at the Church of Bipolar Opposition and shower me with your goiters.
I am currently composing my own Holy Book of Mental and Religious Remedies, which will contain all my scriptures and include full color pictures for those faithful out there who made a wise decision to abandon education at an early age. Telephone numbers where you can make donations will also be included (on every page). I will be requiring nubile veterinarians for my steed Salty aka Quantum Penfold. Anyone competent enough to read this wishing to apply for this position should use the form that will be posted shortly.
In order to conform to the requirements of the Higher Power Charities and Religious Institutions Act of 1998 BC (HPCRIA make a sneezing sound), it is necessary to demonstrate the serious desire of my new church/cult to get rich quick by having a hate figure that we can very viciously persecute. I nominate Penfold as the Head Dark Antistooge and his stinky enforcer Jack Torrance as #2 (heh-heh-heh…). Along with their Y!Concubine Cinnamon (part siren, part flasher). They shall now be known throughout and forever as the Unholy Ahollies… Their evil number is 888...8. Yes 8888!
For the position of writing the “Peter Paul and Mary” type guide to the Messiah, I nominate TD Euwaite (clearly for superior memory and propaganda skills, he is the only one left on this planet who clearly does not partake of the holy Marijewanna Bush) and for Mary Magdalene type squeeze -Victory (because I want to have faith that she is hot) . Come to us Mike! We will provide you with angelic apparitions as necessary so you really don’t have to do anything but to just sit pretty ($128,000 a year to start). Other nominations include Tyler Durden (ex-leper extraordinaire/jester) and Piquant Pariah (entertainment planner). I would also like to appoint “Personal Laptop Jesus w/gay!“ as my secretary of horticulture. All others will dress in raisin loaf sandals and fill in where necessary. I think that just about covers it so get worshipping.
Oh woe with the world, for a smitee Penfold fell out of the sky and smited our previous smiter. We shall laugh in the face of the new dark oppressor (3 minute pause for laughing). Blessed are the basket weavers, fluffy room padders, beavers and squirrels. May your goldfish get piscine rabies should you decide to oppose Ultrastooge or decide to branch off as a separatist. Pelmeni! (cause they are delicious)
2007-06-24 05:10:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070624055736AAnMiaS&r=w#OrJnG0biB3RLFw7Dc7_s
2007-06-24 05:16:43 · update #1
A new position of Siren/Flasher has just been made available.
-20 points for using the "J" word in a serious contact... Guards, take her away!
2007-06-24 05:49:52 · update #2
TDE.. You're hired!
2007-06-24 05:50:58 · update #3
#2,, Who the f*** choked out your cannary this morning?
2007-06-24 07:03:43 · update #4
Raaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Death to the Infidel! Smite, smite smite smite smite. Already the evil one and his mini mes walk upon the face of the earth. Fear not my followers for I shall walk alone in the desert with the Ultrastooge and shall banish him from my dominions. Jake! prepare the bogey covered wheelchair of destiny. We must prepare for the final battle and prepare to meet the three riders of the prolapse. Ultrastooge, Tylerdurden and a hungry bloke.
Bring it on!
bleedin heck how did he get in on the act.
Semi seriously, has Tylerdurden undergone mitosis to create Tomtom they seem to be identical incomprehensible twins.
2007-06-24 06:46:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, I must say you're making an interesting proposal. I've been an Undeleted Penfoldian for less than a day and I'm already questioning my faith. Maybe I should start my own church. I nominate Pretty tony part deux for the position of Pope.
2007-06-24 15:12:32 · answer #2 · answered by Crappo 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The Church of BiPolar Opposition...roflmao!!
Absolutely poetic! I will have to seriously consider applying for a position!
May Blessings Abound
2007-06-24 12:18:40 · answer #3 · answered by trinity 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was sick of it until I saw the light and became a born-again Penfoldian. Let's all flash to the Undeleted! Send all your money & buy all the cheap goods on offer! Death to the Aholies!
2007-06-24 18:32:16 · answer #4 · answered by J9 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
man, oh, man... you wouldn't be full of yourself, man would you, now ?
I can, like comment on your question(?) man...
I was living in New York a generation ago... My friend traveled from the UK to stay with his family who was very well to do. They gave him a brand-new Mecedes Benz convertible to drive in the city. He was traveling north on his way to G. Washington bridge and took a wrong exit and ended up in the south Bronx... he was dressed in his Sunday best and as soon as he decided he was lost he got out of his car to find himself on a street corner surrounded by curious people who admired his custom cut Harrods threads and his wheels... he asked them in perfect English with Oxford accent how to find his way back to the bridge... one of the listeners was a hot dog vendor... he looked at him for a second in a total silence and then said " man... are you f*uck*d up"
we (both him and myself) piss our pants when we recall the story...
hope that helped...
TD is indeed a prophet, his words are written on the subway wall
Laptop Jesus w/gay should be in charge of sewage treatment... Btw, man, this was bothering me for ages, what do abulances and gay men have in common, man ???
Cinnamon... what can I say, perfection has its price...
Penfold is a little member with delusions of adequacy...
I dunno about the rest you mention, all I know Iam inadequate for the postions you mention, but Heinz has 57, or something like that..
88... two letters *H*... sounds vaguely familiar...
Penfold, I apologize, your prose is pregnant with poetic, prolaptic, phantasmagoric, yet piquant, if prosaic philosophy... sorry... penultimate penmaship pertains to perfunctory yet pitiful plumage....
2007-06-24 13:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have made available, for the faithful, paypal. So that you may order mustard seed colored roses, sent to your favorite aholy for only $49.99!
2007-06-24 19:30:39 · answer #6 · answered by Laptop Jesus 3.9 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to be an Aholie (or an ahole for that matter) I just want to write my poetry and sat silly things. I'm making my own religion, so there. In my religion, we follow Jesus and say silly, but never vulgar, things. I'm calling it ... Cinnamanity.
So there.
2007-06-24 12:39:53 · answer #7 · answered by Cinnibuns 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I attend the church of "Nothing"
I follow the way of the "N"
At the alter there stands no man
Only the "N", again and again
"Nothing" is said, only "Nothing"
We bow at the end, bow to "N"
We chant out "N" in praise of "N"
In the name of the "N" we do beg...
For in this temple, "Nothing" is sacred
2007-06-24 12:45:42 · answer #8 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Anytime I hear the word "bipolar" I come unglued and freak out.
Moreover your question is so long. I hope god will pray for you.
2007-06-24 12:21:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I'm already a member of a religion that makes sense... Christianity.
2007-06-24 12:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by Deof Movestofca 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋