All categories - 5 February 2007

Men vs. Women


Men and women are not alike.

Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conculsive
proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following
topics, these facts have emerged:

RELATIONSHIPS:

First, a man does not call a relationshipo a relationship - he refers to
it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis."

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her
girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then
she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup
- at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted
you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and
I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's
always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You"
drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There
are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this
need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.

SEX:

Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.
Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her
place as part of the foreplay.

MATURITY:

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults.

Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each
other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely
work out.

HATS:

Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

HANDWRITING:

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with
circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's"
and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when
she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

BATHROOMS:

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving crewam, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.

MAGAZINES:

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.

Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because
the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy
and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

GOING OUT:

When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.

When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready
to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on
her makeup...

LEG WARMERS:

Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing
the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time
she wants.

A man can only ear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the
Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."

CATS:

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

MIRRORS:

Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.

Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny
surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head...

GARAGES:

Women use garages to parke their cars and to store their lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages,
they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things in garages.

MOVIES:

For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien
Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind."

For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face
in "Public Enemy."

JEWELRY:

Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than
that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

MENOPAUSE:

When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated
emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree
of the changes varies with the individual.

Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses,
a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an
expensive foreign sports car.

LOW BLOWS:

Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television,
and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow.

The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt."

The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

ADMITTING MISTAKES:

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.

The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

RICHARD GERE:

Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who
works out at the health club and dates only married women.

NUDITY IN MOVIES:

Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This
is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by men.

The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard Gere.
This is another reason why men hate him.

DAVID LETTERMAN:

Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the earth.

Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

LOCKER ROOMS:

In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and
women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as
well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in abstract
terms, either. They're graphic and technical, and they *never* lie.

LAUNDRY:

Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his
surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do
his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty
sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to
the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

WEDDINGS:

When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony."

Men talk about "the bachelor party."

SOCKS:

Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.

Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have
pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

PLANTS:

A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.
The man will water the plants.
The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants.
No one knows why this happens.

MUSTACHES:

Some men look good with mustaches: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.

There are no women who look good with mustaches.

NICKNAMES:

With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names
like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of nicknames.
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they
will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.

But if Mike, Dave and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Peanut-Brain, and Useless.

2007-02-05 02:36:14 · 8 answers · asked by Eye of the Beholder 4 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-02-05 02:36:11 · 4 answers · asked by birdwings_65 2 in Medicine

Plz rate my deck 1 lowest to 10 highest, and i would love some tips on what card to add in.

Total:50 cards

Tributes:6
2xArmed Dragon Lv5
1xArmed Dragon lv7
1xAncient Gear Beast
1xSuperconductor Tyranno
1xChaos Emperor Dragon - Envoy of the End

Non Tributes:17
2x Armed Dragon Lv3
3xMasked Dragon
1xSpirit Reaper
1xTribe-Infecting Virus
1xSpear Dragon
1xVorse Raider
1xLuster Dragon
1xCyber Jar
1xKuriboh
1xWinged Kuriboh
1xMirage Dragon
1xDark Catapulter
1xCyber Gymnast
1xWitch Of The Black Forest

Spells:16
1xGraceful Charity
1xPot Of Greed
1xHeavy Storm
1xSnatch Steal
1xPremature Burial
1xMonster Reborn
1xMystical Space Typhoon
1xNobleman Of Crossout
1xLightning Vortex
1xScapeGoat
1xFlint
1xSwords Of Revealing Light
1xChange Of Heart
1xLevel UP!
1xThe Graveyard in the Forth Dimention
1xConfiscation

Traps:11
2xShadow Spell
1xSpellBinding Circle
1xCall Of The Haunted
1xMichizure
1xMagic Cylinder
1xDust Tornado
1xRaigeki Break
1xWaboku
1xTorrential Tribute
1xMagical Arm Shield

2007-02-05 02:36:09 · 7 answers · asked by Amadeus L 1 in Card Games

My ex has sole custody of our son and i have resonable rights of contact yet he doesnt anwser my phone calls and wont allow me to see him. he only has my son 4 out of 7 days and the rest he is with family what actions can be taken to get to see him. i showed up at his house on mothers day and he called the cops on me

2007-02-05 02:36:03 · 10 answers · asked by jammie v 1 in Marriage & Divorce

where can i find a laptop around 200 dollars? beside ebay

2007-02-05 02:36:03 · 6 answers · asked by taekwondobeatu02 2 in Laptops & Notebooks

Be it your own or that of another.

2007-02-05 02:35:58 · 5 answers · asked by Diesel Weasel 7 in Psychology

A psychic successfully 'guessed' the date of birth of my friends baby before she was even pregnant. Surely that couldn't have been coincedence. What say you?

2007-02-05 02:35:56 · 18 answers · asked by Katy W 3 in Mythology & Folklore

i believe its a copper alloy

2007-02-05 02:35:43 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Engineering

be very percise please.

2007-02-05 02:35:40 · 17 answers · asked by dj 1 in Football (American)

2007-02-05 02:35:32 · 18 answers · asked by Rowdy 2 in Polls & Surveys

2007-02-05 02:35:32 · 6 answers · asked by t c 1 in Polls & Surveys

2007-02-05 02:35:31 · 3 answers · asked by ilyas g 1 in Mathematics

i am mixed myself of russian and european descent such as irish, english, italian, spanish and some other stuff. Anyway i have dated so many different races and mainly women that are mixed as well. Three years ago i dated my first black woman and she was dark complected and this was different for me im not use to getting weird looks and people talking behind our back. A few people would say you make a great couple but mainly your thuggish looking individuals would start problems even almost a fight a few times. I have also dated light skinned and medium skinned black women with no problems only compliments. I guess the question is why does society not accept it when a man of a different race dates a dark skinned black women but accepts it when she is light or medium skinned? unless this is just in my case? anybody else encounter the same problems?

2007-02-05 02:35:31 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

i know it's the 1st time and everything, but why does it matter? is it life changing? will it change people's view on certain things?

2007-02-05 02:35:30 · 9 answers · asked by victory_smiles248 2 in Football (American)

paid up policy taken out by robert koonts 4/08/1957

2007-02-05 02:35:26 · 5 answers · asked by mebillsmith 1 in Insurance

2007-02-05 02:35:24 · 11 answers · asked by Gallo citrone ★★★ 5 in Mythology & Folklore

2007-02-05 02:35:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Family & Relationships

2007-02-05 02:35:24 · 10 answers · asked by chiechie 1 in Singles & Dating

it has to be legit, can't take time away from family, and needs to bring in around 1000-2000 a month

2007-02-05 02:35:22 · 2 answers · asked by tchase72 1 in Careers & Employment

2007-02-05 02:35:19 · 5 answers · asked by thewordofgodisjesus 5 in Football (American)

I've been with the same man for 15+ yrs. Within the last 1 1/2 yrs. we've had alot of problems. We have 4 children and I don't have anyone to help, as far as family. He says I put him in misery, and at times I am there, too. The kids have seen alot of fighting and hurt, but I don't know if I should leave....even though hubby tells me to get out. I like the comfort of having my kids happy, but I hate the tension and lack of respect and care. I think we are more like roommates than anything else. He can't deal with ghosts from the past, and I can't convince him that I know I made mistakes, and feel sorry. There has been alot of fighting and even violence between us.....and still he says I don't know what it's like to hurt. My mistakes happened long before our kids were born, so I don't want them to pay a price for me. They have already seen and heard too much. I just don't know what to do. The clincher here, is that hubby wants me to leave, but he still wants to go out w/ me.

2007-02-05 02:35:10 · 8 answers · asked by TinyDancer 2 in Marriage & Divorce

I need to add my dad's last name to my name. I'm a naturalized citizen (living in Illinois) and wasn't aware that I could change my name at the time I recieved my citizenship. Ideally, i would want my current last name as my middle name and my dad's last name as my new last name. Do I still have go to my county court and petition for a name change eventhough I am just adding a last and not really change my name completely? What is the procedure?

2007-02-05 02:35:09 · 3 answers · asked by NIfan 1 in Immigration

It started off as a bump and now it's oozing that yellow stuff. What do I do?

2007-02-05 02:34:55 · 13 answers · asked by ◄☯♫ vanitee of vanitees ♫☯► 6 in Skin Conditions

i have a sister who was born a yr after me, for her own reasons my mum couldnt keep her, although my mum has told me as much info as she can
im now thinking about my sister all the time and considering looking for her but have no idea where or how to start i would rather not tell my mum until i know whats involved.
does anyone know how i could look for her myself? if its even possible.or should i leave it alone incase it causes more heartache for all involved?
( uk answers would be better )
thanks x x x x

2007-02-05 02:34:54 · 2 answers · asked by mum_2_many 6 in Parenting

what are the do(s) and don't(s) in customer relations?

2007-02-05 02:34:52 · 1 answers · asked by MeLLeONg 2 in Other - Local Businesses

2007-02-05 02:34:52 · 5 answers · asked by Jojomon 2 in Engineering

Which of these Surrey towns has the prettiest village-like atmosphere:

Dorking
Leatherhead
Oxshott
Epsom
Esher
Walton-on-Thames
Godalming
Guildford
Woking
Weybridge
Camberley
Frimley
Fleet
Farnborough
Aldershot
Farnham

Which of these places conjures up images of a pretty leafy village with a real High St. lined with quaint shops and local businesses, all set in a very picturesque landscape.

Thanks for your imput. I'm looking to do a painting of such a place and I'm looking for the perfect model. I'll consider any towns in Berkshire that might match this description too, but I'd rather stick to Surrey if at all possible. Thanks again!

2007-02-05 02:34:46 · 9 answers · asked by Jumpin' Jack Flash 1 in Geography

my friend is 20 and he just started hooking up with a women thats 30... now i'm just wondering do you think its wrong or do you think this 10year gap really matters? could the age difference hurt or benifit there relationship?

serious answers only please....

2007-02-05 02:34:39 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

give the dog its daily ration all at once or divide it up into 2 or 3 feedings during the day?

2007-02-05 02:34:38 · 23 answers · asked by mjoeg 2 in Dogs