All categories - 2 November 2006

ODE TAE A FART

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps an tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonna hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawed yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an stop the leakin air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae leak

But awe yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope ah huvne **** ma breeks
Tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw, whit the hell, it’s no ma worry

A’body roon aboot me choking
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusing glower
Alas! Too late he’just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
Ah feel welcome nae mair

Were e’re ye go, let yer wind gang free
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o wan wee farty!

R.S. Burns
Its Fast

2006-11-02 23:20:43 · 11 answers · asked by zorroorojo 3 in Jokes & Riddles

2006-11-02 23:20:37 · 5 answers · asked by PHILIP M 2 in Community Service

you intend to cuddle with a guy and a girl friend and he rubs your stomach and attempts to touch you but you stop him and then he leaves, nothing distinctive went on.

2006-11-02 23:20:37 · 17 answers · asked by malgirl 1 in Marriage & Divorce

2006-11-02 23:20:36 · 3 answers · asked by crackshot 1 in Investing

2006-11-02 23:20:30 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

2006-11-02 23:20:07 · 9 answers · asked by pr_srikumar 1 in Medicine

2006-11-02 23:19:58 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Psychology

Catholics, I sincerley ask you, why do you worship Mary, saints, relics, icons, pray in vain repetition on the rosary which Jesus told us not to and believe in purgatory which nullifies the cross of Christ? And if you don't then why are you in a religion that does? I, too, was born a Catholic but once I started reading the bible, I could see the evil in the religion and had to get out. Most Catholics seem to pick and choose what parts of Catholism they want to keep and what parts they want to toss out and think it's ok to stay in it. God called Israel a harlot for tolerating pagan practices like these. He said of the great harlot in Rev. "Come out of her my people". Most non-christian churches don't denounce Christ, they just corrupt his teachings. And what about how they tortured and murdered Christians in the midevil times. Do you know that priests used to be able to marry but the church didn't want them leaving their houses to their children and not the church.

2006-11-02 23:19:52 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

I have an annual tradition of getting my dad a book for Christmas, and every year a couple of obvious candidates emerge and this year I'm trying Yahoo Answers for advice! This doesn't necessarily mean "which is the better book", just which I should get as a Christmas present!

2006-11-02 23:19:49 · 8 answers · asked by Dim T 1 in Books & Authors

I don't want to call because I am mad, but it is soooooooooo hard to NOT pick up the phone.

2006-11-02 23:19:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

2006-11-02 23:19:30 · 5 answers · asked by katie s 1 in Television

2006-11-02 23:19:17 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Diet & Fitness

I have something here offering a free diagnostic for file errors. it's from "File ErrorNotification" & subject is same.http;//bruch.detoxcalix1mindi1thone.juneaub.net/pages/989493635056540.obs It says it's a free diagnostics test download. It gives unsubscribe info, street address and alSays free report, 24 hr support.and there are no spelling errors.
BTW what's up with these crazy e-mails with the nonsense sentences or just crazy talk? Does anyone else get these?

2006-11-02 23:19:09 · 6 answers · asked by the23FireKeep 4 in Security

I love this guy so much, i dont know why.Hes my bf but only met him in the net. We never met before in personal.He lives million miles away from me.Im doing my best to work it out,.but it looks like im the only one inlove.Its easy 4 me to give advice to others buts really hard to apply it 2 my self.To give some details check my previous questions here in Y Answer.Please i really need a serious advice. I really cant say goodbye no matter how i tried. What is wrong with me, why cant he show his love to me? What do u think i must do so he will fall inlove with me.

2006-11-02 23:19:06 · 36 answers · asked by anne 3 in Singles & Dating

He is a very trustworthy and understanding guy, which is so rare in this world, so that's why I don't wanna lose him. But we can't even have a intersting conversation cuz he is so lay back and boring!

When we talk, his answers are always within 5 words.He never make an effort to think of something to say. He said he just want to be with me and he thinks he doesn't need to impress me with his conversation skills.

How to deal with someone like that???

2006-11-02 23:18:56 · 13 answers · asked by anne 1 in Singles & Dating

2006-11-02 23:18:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

This intell32 virus has been on my computer for a long time. A small red icon appears on my taskbar saying that my computer is infected with a virus, but it's really the intell32 thing trying to get me to download some spyware, which I don't think is really spyware.

I can locate the file and delete it, but every time I open Winamp or Internet Explorer, it recreates itself and starts trying to download something. It slows my computer down. Sometimes it causes Explorer to close windows. I'm tired of it.

I would appreciate any answers. I don't want to download anything that's going to run a free scan and then say: "Yep, your computer is infected ... try our product for $32." I need someone to walk me through deleting this thing ... in layman's terms.

2006-11-02 23:18:41 · 7 answers · asked by mellotron12 4 in Security

i have songs in casette tapes ,,, wants to make them to mp3 in my computer..

2006-11-02 23:18:32 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Computers

to make my end of the month report easier?....I have many names and things to keep track of daily and the end of the month I have to add all of this and my #`s have to come up right. A lot of math involoved. It would make my job easier if I could go to the computer everyday and add these figures and at the end of the month just print the report out and the computer would do all the math for me. Thanks in advance

2006-11-02 23:18:17 · 6 answers · asked by summer 2 in Programming & Design

and I havnt even started my periods yet and I have not had sex !!.
I also get very bad tummy pains but apperently thats normal as I have celiac disease but im pretty sure that coeliac disease doesnt make your abdomen swollen what should I do ?? and what may this mean my tummy is also quite tender ??

2006-11-02 23:18:15 · 12 answers · asked by Pippa H 2 in Other - Diseases

This will probably get deleted but I will try anyway. Have a good day!!

2006-11-02 23:18:04 · 13 answers · asked by Me luv u long time 5 in Polls & Surveys

No doubt Grace Park is a pretty woman. But is she really all that?

2006-11-02 23:18:03 · 1 answers · asked by Lightbringer 6 in Television

hey people am not a bad person so really no bad comments if its ok....erm me and my mate have grew apart over thre last year and it is getting to the point of uncomfortable...how od i kind of move myself away from the picture.she is into diffrent things than me and i feel as though we should not be friends anymore...not in a bad way just let each other be.can you give me advice...:) thanks xx

2006-11-02 23:17:58 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Friends

My wife is in the third trimester and lately she's been waking up in the middle of the night due to bad cramps in her feet and calf muscles. Is this common? Does anyone know why and how to stop it? It must have been really painful and I had to massage it better in the middle of the night.

Thanks

2006-11-02 23:17:55 · 18 answers · asked by bw_r005t3r 2 in Pregnancy

I had my 2yr.old Golden for about 3 months. He was given as a present to me by my boyfriend. His previous owner didn't want to give him away until she found his papers but my bf persuaded her. She says she's still looking for them. Now I'm wondering can I just get him a new license, shots, and neutered? I thought about breeding him because he's a perfect, healthy Golden but the idea quickly went away when I watch Animal Planet and see all those unwanted puppies! It is litterally heart breaking and I'm not contributing to that! Also, I'm on a fixed income so I would like to know of a place that could do this in central New Jersey for not too much money. Also, I'm a little worried that the place will take my dog away if they see that I got him with no papers. Can they do that? All answers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

2006-11-02 23:17:43 · 15 answers · asked by Inez J 1 in Dogs

I am making chocolates for my Brownies and Guides to sell at our Christams fayre but need foil to cover them so they stay fresh can anyone help as the internet search has been pittiful

2006-11-02 23:17:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Food & Drink

a cold and sore throat, its got worse as the week has gone on, yesterday i sounded like a man, today no sound at all, (i am taking the usualbeechams and strepsils, fresh orange) is there anything else i can do to make it heel up quicker

2006-11-02 23:17:32 · 29 answers · asked by trouble 4 in Other - General Health Care

Who do you think is the best person who has presented have i got news for you. personally i think it was Boris johnson especially when he said " i tried to take cocaine once... very unsucessfull.... sneezed".....

2006-11-02 23:17:32 · 15 answers · asked by Andy_T 2 in Television

Living in Texas, we had the A/C on last week and we need the heater on this week. It was blowing cool last week in the A/C position, but now it won't blow heat and it's freakin cold in the house. The pilot light is lit and I even turned the heat up to see if it would come on. No luck. Any ideas? Thanks

2006-11-02 23:17:30 · 5 answers · asked by Brigette B 1 in Maintenance & Repairs

Please hurry

2006-11-02 23:17:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in History