Society & Culture - 2 November 2006

Bible funnies:

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest Financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groannn...)

PS... Did you know it's wrong for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "Hebrews"

2006-11-02 14:47:35 · 24 answers · asked by basscatcher 4 in Religion & Spirituality

2006-11-02 14:47:28 · 13 answers · asked by drateRa 3 in Religion & Spirituality

2006-11-02 14:47:00 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Mythology & Folklore

hey de hey spooket

2006-11-02 14:46:24 · 9 answers · asked by icheeknows 5 in Religion & Spirituality

or vice-versa. Have your different ideologies influenced any areas of your relationship? In what ways? If you have kids, how are you addressing religious education?

2006-11-02 14:46:15 · 11 answers · asked by Kathryn™ 6 in Religion & Spirituality

Or religious groups for that matter. Can you a time when Environmental agencies will start approaching them with this not that obvious issue. I'm joking of course but should I be?

2006-11-02 14:45:45 · 9 answers · asked by bavwill 3 in Other - Society & Culture

Whenever anyone touches the BACK of my neck I have to pull away. I can't stand it. I don't care what they do to the front, just don't touch the back. what's up with this?

2006-11-02 14:45:32 · 11 answers · asked by Sligo 4 in Other - Society & Culture

Bible Sales

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious
financial troubles.

While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of
new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his
Sunday sermon he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who
would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise
the desperately needed money for the church.

Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the
task. The minister knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as
salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had
serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who
had always tended to keep to him because he was embarrassed by his
speech impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly. But, not
wanting to discourage poor Louis, the minister decided to let him try
anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars
stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the
results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately
asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles
last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "using my
sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I
collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Peter!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand.
"You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to
sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a
professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of
my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the
church, and here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are
truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned too little Louie and said, "And
Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"

Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The reverend
opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister
exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you
sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?

Louie just nodded.

That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are
professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many
bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd
better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell
us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you
j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and
r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"




A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22)

2006-11-02 14:44:53 · 18 answers · asked by basscatcher 4 in Religion & Spirituality

T0TALLY iMMERSED iN THE MEXiCAN CULTURE AND TRADiTi0NS EVN TH0 THEY ARE 0NLY HALF MEXiCAN.

i N0E THiS QUESTi0N CAME 0UT R0NG AND iGN0RANT.

iM SRRY

2006-11-02 14:43:33 · 26 answers · asked by plzdntgoawy 1 in Other - Cultures & Groups

2006-11-02 14:43:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

I figure if humans can recognize Mother Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich then we would also recognize Santa Clause in a bowl of porridge. Can you give me some links to pictures?

2006-11-02 14:42:14 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Mythology & Folklore

2006-11-02 14:42:05 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

i'm writing for a news paper that would of been in romen times. and i can't find that much cause so much comes up when you typ in something like the spread of christinanity in roman times help me what do you think the romans would have to say about this guy that only beleives in one god and is gods son.

thanx

2006-11-02 14:41:42 · 9 answers · asked by off_the_wall1991 1 in Religion & Spirituality

I am sooo good at school,no bad conduct grade or anything.I don't speak out,I follow directions and stuf................and alot of people thinks I'm a suck up but I'm not!I just want to have a good conduct grade to get a good job.So should I start acting up or stay good?

2006-11-02 14:40:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Etiquette

2006-11-02 14:40:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Society & Culture

This is 2006-- shouldn't homosexuality be accepted by Republican leadership?

"Louis Rove left his family during the 1969 Christmas holidays and moved to Los Angeles where he eventually "came out." According to Rove's father's best friend, an openly gay man named Joseph Koons, "Louie didn't hide the fact that he was gay. But he didn't play it up either." The Architect describes Louis Rove as a shy man, encumbered by his three hundred pound figure. To encourage Rove to socialize, Joseph Koons, invited him to join a retired gay men's group called the "Old Farts Club," jokingly referred to among the men as the "Rainbow Casket."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/09/05/new-book-reveals-roves-f_n_28738.html

2006-11-02 14:40:05 · 7 answers · asked by HawkEye 5 in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender

okay i posted this somewhere that I have a freind who is a homo, I don't have any problem with him, ^.^ am i a good friend? well recently he been abused by people who hate homo and he been absent from school for 2 weeks already i came over to visit him thought he is sick but he was perfectly fine...........he just don't want to go to school because he got abused, I'm going to hit those knucklehead with my purse someday! anyway...he been failing classes, I tried to conviced him that nothing is wrong with Homo, he is Christian by the way and he said he is a sinful person he deserve to go to hell, omg................No offense but i said religion is just there to teach you to be a good person...the people that wrote the bible is just human.............He been trying to be straight by going out with girl but he just not attracted to her....but more to her brother >.< he can't control his sexuality.........he don't even got turn on by nude girl....what should i do? no hateful reply please!

2006-11-02 14:39:49 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender

I am an arabic boy, and im 14 and a freshman, and i like a girl, she's arabic, and I get a weird feeling everytime i see her, or think about her. I wanna tell her, but I don't know what to say to her, please help me.

2006-11-02 14:39:32 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Cultures & Groups

2006-11-02 14:39:08 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender

When do you think the end of the world will come? How do you think the world will end?

2006-11-02 14:38:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

i'm writing for a news paper that would of been in romen times. and i can't find that much cause so much comes up when you typ in something like the spread of christinanity in roman times help me what do you think the romans would have to say about this guy that only beleives in one god and is gods son.

thanx

2006-11-02 14:37:59 · 13 answers · asked by off_the_wall1991 1 in Religion & Spirituality

In certain religions it is believed that young people should not leave home until the are ready to get married. What do you think?

2006-11-02 14:37:55 · 19 answers · asked by imaniche 2 in Religion & Spirituality

2006-11-02 14:37:19 · 6 answers · asked by Heron By The Sea 7 in Religion & Spirituality

what would you do if someone walked upto you in the street and tried to balance a biscuit on your head? or even a chocolate hobnob?

2006-11-02 14:36:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Society & Culture

2006-11-02 14:36:48 · 4 answers · asked by VeryOldMan 1 in Mythology & Folklore

2006-11-02 14:35:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Etiquette

2006-11-02 14:33:43 · 34 answers · asked by BamBam 1 in Religion & Spirituality

Nothing expensive, I don't really want to spend more than like 40 bucks total on all of them together and I have 6 females and 2 males. So 8 all together, something nice but as cheap as possible. Thanks.

2006-11-02 14:33:36 · 18 answers · asked by Isabella's Mommy Expecting #2 6 in Christmas

Can I get RAmen

2006-11-02 14:32:41 · 16 answers · asked by Sean 5 in Religion & Spirituality

My family and I have always felt that my grandfather was involved in the Freemasons, however in recent research we have discovered that our family may date back to the Knights Templar. If they are still around today, would there be any significance towards me. Would I be asked to be apart of the heritage? What does it all mean?

2006-11-02 14:31:56 · 16 answers · asked by ? 2 in Religion & Spirituality