Intimacy, not the physical kind. How do I have it in my life if I don't regularly see people for an established mutual purpose? Most of my communication consists of one time exchanges, and nothing further is needed to be exchanged leaving huge gaps of downtime which I don't enjoy. Without this intimacy, I feel friendless and insecure in the world. I guess I grew up learning to depend on verbal intimacy or bonding as a buoy for self-esteem; an indicator that I was worthy to share intimate details with. I came to depend on it as a way to feel good about myself and now I have to unlearn that and find a substitute. I've gone so far as to trade sexual intimacy in hopes of some verbal kind of intimacy which didn't happen.
I feel rejected when I don't have an outlet where I can share the intimate details of the happenings in my life no matter how irrelevant or insignificant they may be to the listener's life. By sharing, I validate my existence. Am I going overboard in some way?
2006-11-17
20:56:45
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3 answers
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good luck
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Gender Studies