Intimacy. How do I create it in my life if I don't regularly see people for an established purpose?

Question

Intimacy, not the physical kind. How do I have it in my life if I don't regularly see people for an established mutual purpose? Most of my communication consists of one time exchanges, and nothing further is needed to be exchanged leaving huge gaps of downtime which I don't enjoy. Without this intimacy, I feel friendless and insecure in the world. I guess I grew up learning to depend on verbal intimacy or bonding as a buoy for self-esteem; an indicator that I was worthy to share intimate details with. I came to depend on it as a way to feel good about myself and now I have to unlearn that and find a substitute. I've gone so far as to trade sexual intimacy in hopes of some verbal kind of intimacy which didn't happen.

I feel rejected when I don't have an outlet where I can share the intimate details of the happenings in my life no matter how irrelevant or insignificant they may be to the listener's life. By sharing, I validate my existence. Am I going overboard in some way?

Answer 1

Maybe you have social anxiety, or maybe you give the impression that others are responsible for your happiness or your feelings. If that's the case, then people might think you are needy and desperate. No one wants to be responsible for your feelings. That's your job, anyway. If you built youself up by making accomplishments, then your self-esteem would be stronger. Then you might not worry about yourself all the time, and pay more attention to others and what's going on with them. You would be able to become an extrovert, who notices others, breaks the ice and builds rapport. All people want is to be noticed, to be admired and respected, to be appreciated, receive recognition, and to feel attractive and saught after. ALL people. If you resolve to give that to others freely, without conditions or exceptions, then you would feel more popular and welcome. You would be able to establish connections and relationships with others. And if you refrain from sharing your intimate details with others, unless they do so also, then you wouldn't feel so ripped-off. When you meet someone you really like and respect, follow their lead. Open up to them at their pace. If you reveal too much too soon, then you cause them discomfort. They feel as if they have to reciprocate before they are ready. Get happy with yourself and share that with others. Pay more anntention to others than your own discomfort, insecurity, and intimidation. Don't act like you have a hole to fill in your life. Act like you have more to share.

Answer 2

I don't think you're overboard in all that. People like us can learn to be be content with what we have, but will always want what we want. So choose wisely.

Answer 3

Try being a little less analytical