Before I even begin typing I realize what the "right" thing to do is but I'm still compelled to seek out any other possible avenue to help me. I'm 25 years old and have been in a series of semi-serious of relationships and have been cheated on before, in all other circumstances prior to this I have always kicked the cheating man to the curb with little or no regret. My most recent relationship with a man I'll call Tom, was a whirlwind from the start. We met at a family function 4 years ago, (he is a very close friend of my extended family) and we had instant chemistry. The entire night we spent talking and cuddiling and literally staring into eachothers eyes. We kept in touch via phone/email for a little bit but due to the distance (he lived in Texas, I lived in Michigan) nothing came of it. I always kept him in the back of my mind because I'd never connected like that with anyone before but inevitibly because of the distance I moved on. Well circumstances with a job and wanting a change in general, I moved to Texas, still 8hrs away from where Tom lived. It so happens a month later he moved to the same city as I now live in and although I was determined to be careful with him (I forgot to mention, he had a reputation of a laides man, he's very charming but never commits)Well that situation didn't last long, we started out as friends with benefits but that lasted maybe 2 weeks and then HE initiated us being as much of a couple as he was capapble of, he couldn't call me a girlfriend because he had a rule about that title (weird I know) but he wanted to be with me and only me and vice versa. Because I had an inside track with friends and family I was told he'd never behaved this way with a girl before and everyone believed he'd finally met his match in me. Within a months time we moved in together and spent every hour that we weren't working together, happy. In the short time we were together (5 months) we went through some incredibly emotional situations together, including a death in my family and him reuniting with his dead-beat dad after 7yrs without contact. The trouble started when I became suspicious of his cell phone habits, he was getting text messages at odd hours and I followed my inuition and decided to check his cell. He did have messages from his Lead (supervisor) at work, she referred to him as her heart, and said that he had a nice *** and asked if he needed a massage, all in several different messages. I didn't get the opportunity to look at the outgoing messages. I confronted him and he assured me that it was absolutely nothing and it was one sided, he begged and cried, still I was too hurt to believe him and told him he had 2weeks to move out. Several days went by we didn't speak, he slept on the couch I was miserable but I was trying my best to at the very least keep some distance from him so that I could have a clear mind and evaluate the situation for what it was. We began to talk on a Saturday morning and we both decided that we were going to try to work things out, he was going to do whatever it took to prove to me this situation with the girl at work whatever it was would be but to an end. So Saturday evening he goes to a wedding with a cousin of mine and I go to the club with some girlfriends. The entire night, he texts me says he misses me, wants to be with me and wishes I were by his side. That evening I came home and we were both tipsy and we decided to share a bed and work things out in the morning. The next morning my cousin calls and tells me that they have to tell me something about Tom. Apparently while drunk at the wedding he began to talk about our situation and explained that I was stubborn and untrusting and here comes the worst part, the only woman he ever truly loved was his HS sweetheart Jane. He then on the car ride home drunk dialed Jane and said that although they couldn't be together now, because of timing and other circumstances maybe they could be together in the future. I'm not proud of my behavior after that, I literally kicked him out threw his belongings out the door and told him he was disrespectful and not the gentleman he claimed to be. He never even tried to explain himself he moved very slowly and didn't even look sad to me. After no contact for a week he calls at 4am on a saturday night 4xs in a row, I was asleep and had to catch a flight the next morning but finally I answered. He just said "hey" and he was very quiet. He asked where I was and how I was I explained I couldnt talk and he hesitantly let me go. I texted the next day and asked what he wanted, (trying to be strong) and he responded how are you? and I responded with "I asked a question" He said "forget it then." And that's that. I so much want to be with this man and deep inside I feel he is the one for me but I've been always taught once a cheater always a cheater and its hard for me to forget that. On top of that he has a GREAT deal of pride and I fear I may have blown my only shot at a reconciliation. I truly believe he reverted to his "player" ways because he fears committment and he felt like he was already potentially losing me. Is there anything I can do do get this man back, so that its a healthy relationship for both of us? Thank you for whomever read through the entire post. PLEASE HELP!
2007-03-09
08:26:40
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3 answers
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asked by
Demi
1