I hope the length of this one won’t scare you. As with most dysfunctional relationships, this too is a long story. Here’s a very brief summary for anyone who would like to give me much needed advice.
This close friend and I clicked as soon as we met. It was soon clear that there was a mutual attraction as well, and we slept together. But he said that he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, and that if we got together I’d eventually get hurt for he has loyalty/commitment issues. I thanked him for being honest, we agreed to remain close friends and not to have any physical intimacy.
However, (you know what will follow now), we couldn’t resist the passion and slept together throughout the year. We said/did/shared lots of things as if we were a couple. Meanwhile, I got hurt badly and felt used several times as he was openly flirting with virtually anyone. I tried to cut it off lots of times, he too sometimes, to protect our friendship, but it didn’t work. After each attempt, we ended up being like a couple and sleeping together again. I even attempted to end the friendship itself, but he strongly refused saying that he doesn’t want to lose me, and got very upset when I asked during a fight if I am only a “f*ck buddy” for him.
He said lots of times that he didn’t sleep with anyone else since he’d met me. But then I heard that he’d been constantly chasing and fooling around with this girl for a while. He didn’t like it when I confronted him. Apparently, when he told me that he didn’t sleep with anyone, he only meant full intercourse to the end, so he’d been doing all the rest I believe. I cut it off that day, and the friendship as well. He very soon slept with that girl and next day he regretted it, almost cried and wanted me back, saying it was a one night stand.
He’s too got jealous several times, when other guys showed interest in me and vice versa. I didn’t sleep with anyone else since I met him by the way. This confusing and frustrating cycle went on for a year. Last couple of months - to my knowledge- he didn’t really pay attention to any other woman but me. He once mentioned living together, another time very briefly mentioned us marrying and having kids. He’s still confusing me though. Last time I tried to put him out of my life resulted in him being in tears, and me too. Then recently he said that he is not able to love, and he still doesn’t want a relationship with anyone.
So I told him that I’ve to erase all my feelings for him -which I tried so many times- because I don’t know where I stand, even after all this time. He felt sad but agreed. We’ll meet soon just for the weekend, after a few months of being apart (but we talk/text/chat almost every day). A few days ago he was joking and said he’ll give his love to me when we meet. But when we meet, I want to tell him that I don’t want us to contact by any means for 6 months or so. I know that there’s no future for us, we are not right for each other, and I want to move on. But I’m afraid we’ll end up in each other’s arms again as we missed each other heaps.
I am very confused, don’t know how to put an end to this. I don’t want to lose our friendship at all. No matter what I/he/we tried so far, didn’t work. How do I get out of this frustrating cycle?! Any thought is appreciated. Thanks a bunch in advance.
2006-08-17
09:51:46
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31 answers
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asked by
wispy cloud
1
in
Singles & Dating