My husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have 2 sons together, 17 & 19, and I have a 28-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. Over the years we have been politically involved in county and statewide campaigns. Back in 1997 we developed a friendship with a woman that was also involved in the political campaigns with us. I thought that she was a mutual friend with both of us, but over the years, I noticed that she was a little closer to my husband than she was to me, but I didn't give it much thought and I trusted my husband and considered us all to be friends.
As time passed I noticed little things that gave me pause, such as, if there was a function going on she would always be around the men more so than the women. She dressed provocatively and there would be incidents that it would appear that capable people around her would suspect her of sabotaging their projects and she would come in and fix everything and hence make herself look good. My husband also ran for a political office and asked her to be his campaign manager. He lost.
She became close to my husband over the years and he did her a lot of favors. She became his administrative assistant and he found her 2 other part time jobs, because she was a single mother and “needed help”. (Her children were older when this was going on) I tried to respect what he was doing because it is his nature to help people, but something about this relationship made me uncomfortable.
When I would stop into my husband's office, which was across the street from mine, I would feel like I was intruding. She didn't talk to me and made me feel like an outsider in my husband's office. (He was the boss.)
My husband no longer works with her, she has moved onto another company that has no connection with my husband's job now. Which brings me to my dilemma.
About one year ago a problem arose with our cell phone bills and I had to go over the statements. The bills go to a business owned by his family, but the phones are his, our 2 sons’ and mine. As I was going over the bills I saw that he was still in contact with this woman on a daily basis. They were calling each other back and forth and the calls would be 15, 20 or 30-minute phone calls, sometimes a few times a day.
I expressed to him that I was not happy with this and asked him to please stop. We had a few arguments about it and he could not understand why I was so upset, because they were just friends. He said he would stop.
Two weeks ago another problem arose with the bills and again I had to go over the statements. The phone calls have not stopped; they are still speaking on a daily basis. I told him that I have had enough and wanted to know what was more important” their friendship or our marriage". He said that our marriage was and that he would stop, but still doesn't understand because it is just a friendship. I have been checking the bill on-line daily now and she is still calling everyday! How do I trust him and what am I supposed to think about this"friendship"?
2006-07-13
13:03:00
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8 answers
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asked by
dparr2389
1
in
Marriage & Divorce