I am newly divorced.... i mean the ink isn't even dry!! My divorce was final on June 2. I know that is what I wanted, but I feel like such a failure. I am not having any regrets, but at the same time I asking myself if I made the right decision. I was married for 7.5 years and we were together for 14 years. Is this a normal reaction. Help cause I think I am going crazy. Guess what everybody? I'm not married anymore!! : - |
2006-07-13 13:03:39 · 25 answers · asked by drubaby32698 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sweetheart, you , and every other person who has divorced, including your ex, feels like a total failure..join the club. This passes with time...you are the same person you have always been, with your strengths and weaknesses...it is your ego that has taken a bruising, nothing more, nothing less. I strongly suggest that you get out of the house and start enjoying yourself with friends, and hopefully dates....screw your brains out, but PLEASE, do not get involved in any way with anyone for about 1 year..it will take that long to sort out what is real and what isn't. The danger of newly divorced people is that they fall "in love" very easily with the first person that shows them interest, makes them feel young again, etc. Trust that you will have a tendency to transfer any and all love you had for your ex to a new person very easily..but the bloom will fade fast leaving a bigger mess than the one you just got out of. None of us is that different...we have all gone through it. Unfortunately, along the way, we hurt a lot of people when we allow ourselves this ride...and I am one of the biggest offenders in the group. The standard saying is "rebound." It is so common that there is a word for it, and everyone knows the word. Take heart, you are a great gal, have a glorious future ahead of you, and your past has been pretty good, overall, hasn't it? The best to you...I do care.
2006-07-13 13:14:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal---
Getting divorced isn't a cake walk --- you or the other person is being rejecting (by the initiator)--- The initiator will have bouts of "did I do the right" ---"what if I make another bad choice"---- lots of emotions involved - you probably need to talk to a trusted friend/therapist about how you are feeling --- learn how to deal with the self doubt and resolve the issues that caused the marriage to end.
2006-07-13 13:05:56 · answer #2 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a normal reaction. You spent a lot of years with this person, good or bad. It is a big void right now for that reason. You have no regrets... so you need to work double time to find your new freedom, and be comfortable with it. Stay busy! Most important right now. Then one day, you will just sit back and reflect on your new life and think with a calmness, Wow, I'm do'n alright..... Best wishes, hang in there.
2006-07-13 13:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by 4mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to break it to you...you're completely normal. After my divorce (which I filed for) I felt like a complete failure. Why couldn't I make it work? Did I give up too early? It took me a long time to realize it wasn't just about me, it was also about another person I have no control over. (Just a note: the only person you can control is yourself) It even took a full year before I started dating again. Another problem for you is you're redefining who you are as a person, it's not easy.
Just give it time and start something new, writing, take a dance class, start a gym membership. You'll slowly discover the new and improved you.
2006-07-14 05:46:49 · answer #4 · answered by Kati 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will be okay. Feeling like a failure is a normal reaction because we are programmed that divorce is bad. We simply have to reprogram our thinking.
Obviously there were grounds for divorce or you and you EX husband could/would have worked it out. Just remember not all men are like that. Do not punish the next guy for your Ex's mistakes.
Again you will be okay. Your life will go on and it will better than ever.
2006-07-13 13:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by moniqu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's a normal feeling. Regrets, anger, sense of failure, depression. I went through all of them but within a relatively short period of time I got over them (some take longer than others). Move on with your life and don't look back. You're actually in very good company, unfortunately most marriages end in divorce (for those in happy marriages no need to jump on my case, I'm just citing statistics)
2006-07-13 13:08:19 · answer #6 · answered by Phillip B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel like a failure just because your marriage ended. It happens more and more every day. Look at it as if it were one of lifes little challenges/options. You took a chance and it just didnt work out, it wasnt anybodys fault, and youre not sorry for it, it just wasnt meant to be. We were never given guarantees or directions coming into this world so you have no idea what roads to chose or how to navigate them once youre on them. If you learned from this experience then you did not fail.Th failure would have come if you didnt try. You gave it your all and for whatever reason it God didnt mean for it to be. Move on with your life as it goes on and hopefully youll meet someone new and more compatable for you, good luck
2006-07-13 13:15:25 · answer #7 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax, this is completely normal. You have just gone through a major change in your life and it is normal to have doubts, fears, regrets, excitement, joy, etc. Do not let anyone try to influence you at this point. Enjoy your new found freedom. Find out what really interests YOU and get involved with it. Learn about the person you have become and embrace your new life.
2006-07-13 13:09:34 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your self a divorce party , get some of your girlfriends and just go and get crazy, its normal to feel this way, memories will pop up the day of your wedding and I am going on 2 years divorced and this year I didn't even realize it was "the anniversary day"
2006-07-13 13:22:25 · answer #9 · answered by twistedsingle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been divorced for 20 years now...it hurt at first...i cannot deny that...and i tried everything possible to keep my marriage.
there comes a time when you have to make a decision...right or wrong...and it sounds to me as if you have made the right one...
you wouldn't feel like a failure if you had not truly been in love and truly tried all that you could...you are not crazy, you are just normal and things will get better with time
2006-07-13 13:08:48 · answer #10 · answered by uranus2mars 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋