What do you think about this friendship?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have 2 sons together, 17 & 19, and I have a 28-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. Over the years we have been politically involved in county and statewide campaigns. Back in 1997 we developed a friendship with a woman that was also involved in the political campaigns with us. I thought that she was a mutual friend with both of us, but over the years, I noticed that she was a little closer to my husband than she was to me, but I didn't give it much thought and I trusted my husband and considered us all to be friends.
As time passed I noticed little things that gave me pause, such as, if there was a function going on she would always be around the men more so than the women. She dressed provocatively and there would be incidents that it would appear that capable people around her would suspect her of sabotaging their projects and she would come in and fix everything and hence make herself look good. My husband also ran for a political office and asked her to be his campaign manager. He lost.
She became close to my husband over the years and he did her a lot of favors. She became his administrative assistant and he found her 2 other part time jobs, because she was a single mother and “needed help”. (Her children were older when this was going on) I tried to respect what he was doing because it is his nature to help people, but something about this relationship made me uncomfortable.
When I would stop into my husband's office, which was across the street from mine, I would feel like I was intruding. She didn't talk to me and made me feel like an outsider in my husband's office. (He was the boss.)
My husband no longer works with her, she has moved onto another company that has no connection with my husband's job now. Which brings me to my dilemma.
About one year ago a problem arose with our cell phone bills and I had to go over the statements. The bills go to a business owned by his family, but the phones are his, our 2 sons’ and mine. As I was going over the bills I saw that he was still in contact with this woman on a daily basis. They were calling each other back and forth and the calls would be 15, 20 or 30-minute phone calls, sometimes a few times a day.
I expressed to him that I was not happy with this and asked him to please stop. We had a few arguments about it and he could not understand why I was so upset, because they were just friends. He said he would stop.
Two weeks ago another problem arose with the bills and again I had to go over the statements. The phone calls have not stopped; they are still speaking on a daily basis. I told him that I have had enough and wanted to know what was more important” their friendship or our marriage". He said that our marriage was and that he would stop, but still doesn't understand because it is just a friendship. I have been checking the bill on-line daily now and she is still calling everyday! How do I trust him and what am I supposed to think about this"friendship"?

Answer 1

Oh my goodness, you already know what you should think of this "friendship"....it isn't a friendship, its an affair. I hate to say it. But it is totally obvious. I'm not gonna give you any advice on how to handle it but I'm sure you already know what you want to do. All I can say is don't let him walk all over you, you will regret it forever and ever......Definitly stand up for yourself and don't be worried that you're reading too much into it...you ARE NOT. He is cheating on you. Wish you luck and happiness.

Answer 2

Before you leave your husband over this, confront her, ask her to lunch somewhere neutral.... tell her to stop calling your husband, your husband may just being to polite about it. Tell your husband before you do that, explain to him that while he may consider it a friendship, it seems to you that she wants more than just that, otherwise she would not call that much. Explain to him how uncomfortable you feel, and that if he is not willing to put an end to it, it will really hurt you. If he is not willing to listen, then suggest you go to a counselor so that you can discuss this without getting into an argument so that maybe both of you can understand where the other person is coming from. Sometimes a third more objective party can really help.

I speak from experience--my husband and I have seen one before and it made it safe and easier for us to both discuss what was on our minds without getting into a shouting match.

Answer 3

This seems like more than a friendship.There was something going on between them and he hide it well.She made you feel like you was the other woman and didn't like the fact when you came to see your husband.My friend is going through the same thing right now.She found him talking to her and still denied it.Later she found out that he was cheating with the woman because she found underwear that wasn't hers.He need to let that friendship go before it rip you all apart.As of now the only thing you can do is try and trust him unless your heart is telling you something else.Deep down you know ,sometimes we try to block what is really real.Good Luck

Answer 4

Think they are having affair, its not just friendship. I'm having a same problem as you. Its really hard for us to do anything when both of them wanted to have an secret affair. We can't stop them. I been suffering for a year wondering and check on my husband. Now I'm tired of checking on him, its just making my life miserable. As your son had all grown up, why not you just let go of a man who is not truly love. If he truly love you, he will give up the friendship and never lie to you. Be happy and enjoy every moment of your life instead of wondering about your husband friendship with the other woman. Life is short, why make yourself suffer for just because of a man and a cheap woman?

Answer 5

you know this is a tough one. i don't know. its suspicious to me that they are talking on a daily or weekly basis. and since you confronted him with this, it should have stopped. sometimes if you keep digging, you'll find what you're looking for. youve been with this man a long time. it been a life long investment. will you continue to seek definition of this friendship? if you choose to do so, plant your self firmly because it appears you might find out something that you don't want to know. i'm praying on this situation for you!

Answer 6

Read the writing on the wall sweetie. Many of us have been through the same denial, and it ain't a river in Africa. There is no reason for him to stay in contact with her unless there is something "funny" going on between them. Dump him quickly!

Answer 7

OKAY FIRST OF ALL
NO OFFENSE
BUT THIS IS NOT A FRIENDSHIP
THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP
AND U NEED TO CHANGE HIS CEL PHONE # TELL HIM WHY
AND IF HE GIVES HER HIS NEW CEL PHONE # I SUGGEST U SEEK HELP AND IF HELP DOESNT WORK
JUST GET A DIVORCE
GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

he's cheating on you leave him!!!!!!