PARENT - Job Description
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational
skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites
on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also
required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs £5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of
all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one
minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product
safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery
operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for
the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of
the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when
they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever
is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
2007-09-21
01:51:35
·
39 answers
·
asked by
pinkkittenliverpool
6
in
Polls & Surveys