Entertainment & Music - 3 December 2007

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon
and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and
coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking,
but I am not hungry right now. It's the Viagra. It has
taken the edge off my appetite."




At lunchtime, she again asked if he would like something
to eat. A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich.
He declines. "The Viagra really trashes my desire
for food, " he says.




Comes dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
A rib eye steak , scrumptious apple pie, or maybe a rotisserie
chicken or tasty stir fry. Again he declines. "No, "
he says, "It's got to be the Viagra...I'm
still not hungry."


"Well, " she says, "Would you mind letting
me up, I'm starving!"

2007-12-03 22:54:29 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her
daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become
pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status,
she consulted the family doctor.




The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful,
and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in
rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter
to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and
give her a box of condoms.




Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a
date, the woman told her about the situation and handed
her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached
over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mum! You don't
have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

2007-12-03 22:52:09 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

what is best yo momma joke?
top 100 yo momma jokes (plz dont repeat answers)

2007-12-03 22:50:37 · 2 answers · asked by Mujed A 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-12-03 22:49:50 · 20 answers · asked by einenglander 3 in Other - Music

2007-12-03 22:47:30 · 15 answers · asked by VG! 1 in Polls & Surveys

1. trying to find a parking spot in a crowded parking lot
2. loaning money to a friend or relative
3. saying "no" to food
4. losing your keys
5. forgetting your own phone number or address
6. automated phone calls
7. waiting in line for something,a long time
8. tardiness,on your part or theirs
9. cancelled events or appointments
10. bad weather driving or walking
More than one answer is cool..=)

thanx~

2007-12-03 22:47:21 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Have you ever blamed someone for something and found out later that you were blaming the wrong person?

2007-12-03 22:47:04 · 13 answers · asked by Raistlin 7 in Polls & Surveys

We got about 6 inches over night and it's still snowing. It looks beautiful, but I'm ready for it to melt already. I know it's only the beginning..........*sigh*

2007-12-03 22:46:36 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Foreign accent or uniform?

2007-12-03 22:46:03 · 31 answers · asked by Monkster 3 in Polls & Surveys

2007-12-03 22:46:01 · 20 answers · asked by killerqueen 4 in Celebrities

2007-12-03 22:44:44 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

One year at Thanksgiving, my Mom went to my sister's
house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible
my sister is, my Mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister
she had to get something from the store. Later, when the
turkey was in the oven, my sister left to do something in
another part of the house. My Mom took the turkey out of the
oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and
inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey.
She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.




When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey
out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When
her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled
out the little bird.


With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed,
"Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took
the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep..................SHE''S BLONDE!

2007-12-03 22:44:38 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

(I've been trying to get to level 4 so I really should stop asking questions)

2007-12-03 22:44:25 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-12-03 22:43:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Examples of films when the female leads die in the films:
Amber Tamblyn in THE GRUDGE 2 (2006),
Maggie Grace in THE FOG (2005),
Virginia Madsen in CANDYMAN (1992),
Annette Bening in THE SIEGE (1998),
Sela Ward in THE FUGITIVE (1993),
Amanda Peet in IDENTITY (2003),
Ramsay Ames in THE MUMMY'S GHOST (1944),
and Jordana Brewster in THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE - THE BEGINNING (2006).
Tell me what you know! Simple answers will not be rated.

2007-12-03 22:42:42 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Movies

just had a packet of toffo's for the first time in years.i didn't know they still made them can anyone remember other sweets that you don't see very often nowadays i can think of fizz bombs, kola kubes and texan bars

2007-12-03 22:42:36 · 19 answers · asked by Milfman 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-12-03 22:42:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one
Friday evening that reads...




Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Grand
Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary."




When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for
him that read as follows...




Dear Husband,
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be
at the
Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old
boy toy. AND,
you, being an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes
into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

2007-12-03 22:41:54 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Hoooooot Coffee is doing it today!
Peace.

2007-12-03 22:41:41 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I think it should. Not that I'm a pot head or anything but the only reason it is illegal is because the government can't tax it.

2007-12-03 22:40:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I am this morning!
Peace.

2007-12-03 22:40:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

The first person to try and eat bids nest soup?
I mean that stuff is bird phlegm or poo or something.

2007-12-03 22:39:40 · 7 answers · asked by Monkster 3 in Polls & Surveys

A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable.
She asked her mom for a glass of cider.
"Why do you want cider?" asked Mom.
"To take the pain away, " sobbed the little
girl.
Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass.
The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink.
"It doesn't work!" she yelled.
"What do you mean?" asked Mom.
"Well, " sniffed the little girl, "I
overheard my sister say that whenever she gets a pr*ck in
her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."

2007-12-03 22:39:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn
signal.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is
like the IRS..
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power
surges.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute
of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've
got.

2007-12-03 22:37:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

A redneck teacher decides to give her class a small pop quiz
around Halloween.




"Okay, how many of you have seen a ghost?" About
30% of the class puts their hand up.




"Okay, how many of you have actually touched a ghost?"
About 10% of the class puts their hand up.




"Okay, how many of you have had sex with a ghost?"
Dead silence, until a little redneck boy in the back row
puts up his hand.




"You've actually had sex with a ghost?"




"Ghost? Oh. I thought you said goat!"

2007-12-03 22:35:08 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking
machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was
out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he
inserted his pen*s into the equipment, turned the switch
on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized
that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as
his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized
that he couldn't remove the instrument from his pen*s.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without
success.




Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's
Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought
a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic,
but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"




"Don't worry, " replied the customer
service rep, "The machine will release automatically
once it's collected two gallons."

2007-12-03 22:33:51 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

The two most common elements in
the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.



Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery
easier to live with.





Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bounced cheque.



It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer
in rats.


Always remember to pillage *before* you burn.


If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your
book.


If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where
you live.


The trouble with doing something right first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.


It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning
to others.


Sky's Law: You can't fall off the floor.


The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,
because the average man can see better than he can think.



Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving from
where you left them to where you can't find them.

2007-12-03 22:31:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-12-03 22:24:30 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

For me it is baking homemade roll-out sugar cookies...Mmmmm.
Coooookiiiiieees.

2007-12-03 22:20:54 · 13 answers · asked by MamiZ-Notorious Faithful Freak 5 in Polls & Surveys

This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the
doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something
about your baby."

The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with
my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"

The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly,
but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is
a hermaphrodite."

The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"

The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has
the...er...features...of
a male and a female."

The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean
it has a penis... ...AND a brain?"

2007-12-03 22:18:54 · 12 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles