“I used to want ‘she tried’ on my tombstone, but now I want ‘she did it’ instead,” said Katherine Dunham. Even though I deeply admire Ms. Dunham’s determination, I have to admit that I always fall short of that kind of strength. Yet, during my freshman year at Trinity I feel as if I have reinvented myself, for I no longer wait for things to happen, I make them happen instead. Miraculously unbelievable at first, especially to my parents, I was actually eager to learn and to reach my potential.
I was denied admission to Rice University last year, a wise decision by the Committee on Admission. However, since then, I’ve add a new edge of competitiveness, and a never-settle-less-than-my-best attitude to my resume. As I was reading my personal essay from my last application to Rice, I realized that Li Bai’s moon and cup no longer defined me as they used to. My Chinese heritage is simply nice bonus to the entire package.
Discipline, submission, and conformity bettered me, while restrained me from further improvement. While making my homework or papers to absolute perfection, I only complete the assignments that I was assigned and never one problem more. This paradox has always troubled me from fulfilling my potential, resulting in a malevolent mediocrity that I had to carry around for as long as I can recall. Yet, as I entered college, I begin to recognize that blaming my mediocrity with my cultural heritage is probably the last thing I should do if I want to succeed. Although I understood that starting from college is a bit late, I began a battle within myself.
While I still respect authority and thrive on humility like no other, I learned to be competitive and ambitious. My first experience with competition in college was during the HUMA 1600 course. Given a choice between two courses composed of a seminar with a writing workshop and a six-hour course on the readings from the western culture, I resolutely selected the latter, thinking that it would probably be as hard as an AP course. However, I was wrong. Only a few days into the semester, numerous students dropped out of the course because the syllabus show a total of eighteen papers. The beginning of HUMA was difficult as I struggled to write about Odysseus or Clytemnestra, characters I have never even heard of until then. Yet, as Telemachus embarked on his rite of passage, I began my journey to maturation as well. The Western ideas are no longer the blurred imageries that I had blindly followed, for I was learning the hows and whys. “As we go about our daily lives, we are taking things for granted much too often” was among one of many things that my HUMA professor said during our first class. I eagerly adapted to the challenges this course had offered, and I learned my limitations. Surprisingly, there was none. I learned to cherish setbacks as much as I treasure accomplishments.
Even though HUMA had brought my GPA down, I have never regretted taking it. I may not be the brightest student in that class, but I was the most hard-working. Ds on my first papers will only make me to try harder. Being with better students will only encourage me to improve my own shortcomings. As Ms. Dunham’s quote hanging above my desk, I no longer settle for simply trying. After receiving an A on my final paper, I decided to apply to Rice again.
I knew I was ready.
Instead of focusing on my experience as an ESL student, I discovered that my transition from China to America can’t simply define me. It’s my newly acquired determination and motivation that will give me the edge of competitiveness that I will need in the future. Never giving up and settling for anything less than my best, I am prepared to face new challenges and conquer new fears.
2007-03-14
14:43:44
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2 answers
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Deesa
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Words & Wordplay