Hi Ammas I am a 27 year old woman. I was married three years ago and I have a 5 month old daughter. My marriage is on rocks so please advice and help me. I lost my father during my graduation. My mother and I faced many hardships after that – money problems and pressure from relatives. With gods grace and my mothers blessings I completed my PG. I have a brother who is 2 years elder to me. He was not gud at studies and was still graduating and doing a small job when my dad left us. After my dad passed away he left his job and was idle for 5 years. Those five years he tortured my mother and me. He thought he is the master of the family and we shud listen to him and act accordingly. He would use bad language whenever there is an argument. He had problem with my PG becoz it involved lot of money – hefty fees, hostel expenses etc. He wanted a/c for each penny my mom spent. He used to just loiter around, hangout with friends and do some networking courses. Me and my bro had heated arguments often and my mom used to suffer a lot of emotional pain. After my PG I got married and got a good job. First year was marvelous. We had lot of love for each other and enjoyed life though there were tiny disputes. In the second year my bro and mother came to stay with us becoz my brother was looking for a job in our city and they were financially weak. I used to help them financially and my husband never complained. Looking at my lazy brother my husband started behaving like him. He stopped helping me in daily chores. My bro used to make a mess at home leaving things here and there. If I said anything he wud blow up the issue. He wud say the food isn’t tasty, why don’t you cook more items? Why this curry today? etc etc. We had arguments every other day. I used to tell him that I will manage my home in my own way. I used to tell my husband be on my side in these arguments. Explain my brother not to hurt me with words and warn him but he always kept quiet and never interrupted us. Since I didn’t have my husbands support there was no one to stop my brother. I used to cry a lot and suffered lot of emotional pain. My relationship with my husband was getting affected due to this. We used to argue over in-laws or on when to have kids. Since I was already upset becoz of my bro I used to shout on my husband. I never fought with him unnecessarily or without a reason. My husband used to be cool and never lost his temper. My husband lost his job. He blamed me for losing it. He says he cud not work efficiently becoz of our fights. Third year me and my husband moved to another city. We both have good jobs now but things have changed a lot and are becoming worse day by day. All hell broke loose on me since the day we shifted here. I got pregnant. My husband was not prepared for a child. He was not very happy but agreed for a child becoz I was desperate. We bought a 3BHK flat on loans since we both were earning. Now our incomes are just enough to run the household. There are no savings at all. There is no money for fun or enjoyment. My husband has changed a lot. He never took care of me when I was pregnant. He stopped giving me his salary for maintaining the house. Two thirds of his salary goes away for the home loan EMI. Rest he hides. I have to tell him what I did with my money. I have to show him my bank statements. He has stopped helping. He has become very insensitive. He is just not bothered abt anything. I have to do everything - buying grocery & fruits, shopping for the kid, paying all bills, buying home furniture etc etc. He just gets up in the morning , has his breakfast and goes to office. Comes back watches tv and eats dinner and sleep. Max he will take me to the nearby grocery store. He will be in the car while I go shop everything. I manage both work and home. He does not even play with my daughter. He wanted a son so he is indifferent towards my child. Even my in laws wanted a grandson. My MIL has no problem but my FIL does not love my child. All of these people are well educated but they still have this gender bias. My husband has stopped talking to me. He will open his mouth only to blame me for something or to tell me a work. He does not love me at all. Post my delivery I have developed back ache. I keep crying of pain but he stays cold. He will hold my child for 10 mins after coming home and just does some time pass. Later he sticks to his tv. I take care of the child and cook dinner side by side. If I tell him to do anything he will either forget or he is busy. He will call his relatives & talk to them (complaints abt me) often OR he will buy air tickets on net for his brothers family but he has no time for us. Of late when we argue he has started beating me and using foul language. He says if you are not happy leave me and go. I have no clue why he has changed drastically. He says u have made me like this. I am very sad & depressed. I get up at 5 take care of my daughters needs, cook & and go to office. I come back at 7 cook again and play a while with my child. I am always tired becoz of the huge task list and stress. I am fed up of my life now. I don’t want to divorce him. I don’t have my family support. My bro is useless and my mother cannot help me. She has come to know of the changed behaviour of my husband and she pities me. I don’t want the social stigma of being a divorcee. I had a wonderful father and I don’t want my child to feel fatherless. My in laws know everything but they never blame their son. When ever I tell my problem to them they ask me to adjust and compromise. They don’t say a word to their son. I have a good MIL who understands me but my husband does not listen to anybody in this world. I have tried everything. I have spoken, requested, cajoled him. Nothing worked. I have even tried ignoring him & not talking to him but he irritates me for something or the other and the fight begins. Or he will start with a reason. I want to improve my relationship with my husband. Please help
2007-10-16
10:55:44
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19 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Marriage & Divorce