>> >>
>> >> Why We Love Children
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a
>> >>cat, but it was dead.
>> >>
>> >> 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her
>> >>pupil.
>> >>
>> >> 'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,'
>>answered
>> >>the child innocently.
>> >>
>> >> 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>> >>
>> >> 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went
>>
>> >>'Pssst' and it didn't move'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
>>minutes
>> >>later.....'Da-ad....'
>> >>
>> >> 'What?'
>> >>
>> >> 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
>> >>
>> >> 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
>> >>
>> >> Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
>> >>
>> >> 'WHAT?'
>> >>
>> >> 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of
>>water??'
>> >>
>> >> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack
>>you!!'
>> >>
>> >> Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
>> >>
>> >> 'WHAT!'
>> >>
>> >> 'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of
>> >>water?'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
>> >>into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into
>> >>Heaven?'
>> >>
>> >> The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in
>>and
>> >>out and in and out and keep
>>slamming the door until St. Peter says,
>> >>'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a
>> >>mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off
>>the
>> >>light when he
>> >>
>> >> asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you
>>sleep
>> >>with me tonight?'
>> >>
>> >> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
>> >>
>> >> 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's
>> >>room.'
>> >>
>> >> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
>>little
>> >>voice: 'The big sissy.'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service,
>> >>for the children's sermon.
>> >>
>> >> All the children were invited to come forward.
>> >>
>> >> One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress
>> >>and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That
>>is a
>> >>very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
>> >>
>> >> The little girl replied, directly into the minister's
>> >>clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a ***** to
>>iron.'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child,
>>my
>> >>three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready
>>to
>> >>get into the shower.
>> >>
>> >> She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
>> >>
>> >> I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby
>>growing
>> >>in her tummy.'
>> >>
>> >> 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
>> >>himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven. Three
>>plus
>>
>> >>six, that son of a ***** is nine.....'
>> >>
>> >> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What
>>are
>> >>you doing?'
>> >>
>> >> The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework,
>> >>Mum.'
>> >>
>> >> 'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the
>> >>mother asked
>> >>
>> >> 'Yes,' he answered.
>> >>
>> >> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
>> >>'What are you teaching my son in math?'
>> >>
>> >> The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning
>>
>> >>addition.'
>> >>
>> >> The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two
>> >>plus two, that son of a ***** is four?'
>> >>
>> >> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
>> >>
>> >> 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF
>>WHICH,
>> >>is four.'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the
>>story
>> >>of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the
>>story
>> >>where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '. and
>>so
>> >>Chicken
>> >>
>> >> Little went up to the
>>farmer and said, 'The sky is
>> >>falling, the sky is falling!'
>> >>
>> >> The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do
>>you
>> >>think that farmer said?'
>> >>
>> >> One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he
>> >>said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!''
>> >>
>> >> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
>>minutes.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would
>> >>reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'
>> >>
>> >> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm
>> >>Jane
>>Sugarbrown.'
>> >>
>> >> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
>>'Aren't
>> >>you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
>> >>
>> >> She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm
>>not.'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside
>>and
>> >>play with the boys?'
>> >>
>> >> Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys,
>> >>they're too rough.'
>> >>
>> >> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and
>> >>asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with
>>him?'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her
>>father.
>> >>She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
>> >>cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart,
>> >>you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'
>> >>
>> >> She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to
>>someone
>> >>else!!
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
2007-05-29
03:15:07
·
6 answers
·
asked by
smithtracey72
2
in
Jokes & Riddles