About virginity & fornication in (fundamentalist-)southern-Baptist christianity...?

Question

A friend of mine who is a Billy Graham's freak is canceling his engagement (and wedding plan) with her fiancee only b/c his fiancee admitted that she was no longer virgin & had an abortion.

I said to him, "Ted, have you lost your mind? She loves you. She hasn't stop crying after you said that. If she doesn't love you she won't be honest to you about that."

He thought that if she ever had sex before, then there's a chance she will cheat in the future. But he still tolerates that. The next thing is he considers those who commited abortions as killers the same as manson family or a Korean boy who shot people at VT.

What should I tell him? My friend is 27 years old, tidy & georgeous, 6-packs, but still a virgin - never ever had sex before - I thought he was a gay. His (ex-)girl friend is 24 years old

Both serve at the same baptist church which members are freaking 5h1t about hocus-locus-focus on family & condemn Disney's Gay Day. He's been dating her for about 3 years.

Answer 1

It could go even deeper than the pregnancy and abortion. Why after three years of dating would she keep a secret like this.

He lost his trust in her, should they still get married? No. Not if either of them does not want to.

This is why divorce rates are so high in this country. People get married without giving it a lot of thought. Nobody should marry anyone if they lose trust.

Maybe things will work out for them. Maybe she asked the Lord for forgiveness for fornication and killing her baby.

Look at it from his point of view. If a woman will end the very life of her own flesh and blood, what kind of woman is she?

For one she is one who thinks murdering an innocent child is better than taking the responsibility of raising it. She does not have the morals he is looking for. If he is really a virgin at this age then you know he has to have very strong beliefs. His girlfriend shattered all confidence he had in her. It broke his heart to. You know he had to love her, he just could not find the peace he once had with her, to stay with her.

If he can't trust her it is better he found out now than latter.

Answer 2

I was a virgin when I got married and for some reason I was still treated like a cheap tramp. I know , the man I married was a non- believer. I was cheated out of a proper decent wedding and even mis treated by my doctors while was pregnant with my legitmate children. If morales are just lies people tell each other and those who believe those lies are just fools to be tormented. Than why do we have rules and morales? I thought morales were put into place so that people we love would not get hurt. I thought the church was there to help us continue to love each other. Doesn,t the secular world condemn woman, cheapen women, make women the center of every one,s problems and hatred. And then we have these people who scream about population and say ugly things ,like all of you should be aborted. Killing the human race is not going to solve anyone,s problem. What happened to gods will. what does god want you to do ?

Answer 3

Sorry, but I think your friend is a self- righteous, selfish, unrealistic, control-freak idiot and he will get what he deserves!
He is probably throwing away a great love in his life because he is delusional and can't get over the fact that certain things happen in people's lives that cause them to make certain decisions (however unpopular).
I hope the girl heals quickly and is able to move on and find someone who is really religious- a realistic and forgiving person!
Virginity is no indicator of virtue in the real world.
When people meet each other- they don't "confess" to one another- they do tell each other about themselves and reveal more about themselves as time goes on and things come up.
I don't make it a habit to discuss the mistakes I've made when I'm putting on my best face meeting someone and trying to set the example by how I live.
It's not that I'm hiding it- but for example someone would learn about my feelings about society, politics, or religion as they discuss things with me and I would probable throw in examples of my opinions by the things that have happened to me in my life and the choices I made.
I'm surprised that some of these things like the virginity and abortion issues didn't come up sooner with this couple.
This man was loving her all of that time, though and all of a sudden he can shut it off? Something is really up with this!
It is a great excuse for him to postpone what he probably shouldn't even be doing and get all of the sympathy and attention with the "woe is me- the girl was unclean thing".
If this is how he would be, then perhaps it is best for the poor girl to figure this out now before they marry and he learns that she stole a pack of gum when she was ten and can't forgive her for being a lying, cheating, thief for that also! (sarcasm)
Let it go- he will probably be the one cruising the airport restrooms for a quick BJ next time he is on a business trip, and before he goes home to ruin the life of the next Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms!
The invisible man in the sky has a great plan for him- I just know it!

Answer 4

This is not your problem. You are such a sinful person yourself, that you can't understand where this guy is coming from. It is unfortunate that he's changed his mind, but he doesn't have to accept this woman's past because you think he should. Perhaps if he had known this information, he would not have pursued a relationship with her. One could say that she has actually lied to him by not telling the truth earlier. Based on that, he has every right to back out of the marriage. The fact that he has maintained his own virginity suggests that he doesn't just talk the christian life--he lives it. Leave him alone and work on improving your own sinful life.

Answer 5

You can tell him this: Apparently you hold her to a very high and rigid standard in which there can be NO forgiveness. This is the measure you are using. Are you prepared to be held by God to the SAME standard?
Yes, you may not have committed the same sins, but sin debt is sin debt. Are you without sin? Have you not also made your own ?
Remember what it says at the end of the Lord's prayer, the verse following, that if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will YOU be forgiven?

Until he has learned how to forgive, (not necessarily condone, but forgive)
I would not think he is ready to be married.
Marriage requires many things. Love is one of them. Love does not keep a record of wrongs.

Answer 6

The first thing I would do is ask your friend to consider how Jesus would handle the situation. Jesus wouldn't turn his back on someone just because they messed up, on the contrary he would have forgiven them and moved past it. I understand he is hurt, she should have told him the truth up front instead of waiting until they were about to get married and then fess up thinking he wouldn't call off their wedding...she should have been honest. I would encourage him to postpone the wedding, pray about the situation, give the girl a chance to ease his insecurities, and then make a decision. He is acting rashly and he will regret it in the end.

Answer 7

the two faiths ultimately have faith in the comparable issues. they are the two Christian. the two faiths renowned salvation by Christ's crucifixion, the two faiths have faith in an all-powerful god. Now the two disagree on the extra superficial components of religion. maximum severely, baptists take the Bible simply by fact the literal and unquestionable comprehend God. They study it therefor, it truly is real. Catholics study the Bible as many times a metaphor, something that desires to be interpreted. to no longer diverse from fixing a riddle. This distinction in interpretation finally ends up in many diffused alterations. Transubstantiation, by skill of St. Thomas Aquinas' reason, is a mix of theological interpretation and Aristotelian good judgment. Baptists reject transubstantiation, simply by fact it truly isn't any longer, be conscious for be conscious, in the Bible. this theory is a vogue between the two faiths and on their disagreements. additionally worth of no longer, to boot he infinite extremely diffused alterations, their is a large distinction between religious tone amoung the two faiths. As i'm valuable you may tell only from the responces, Catholics look much less confrontational, whilst the Baptists look extra agressive. This stands to reason that a faith it is predicated of absolutes would be a sprint extra fanatical and much less accepting of alterations. whilst maximum of Catholicism somewhat recognizes the smaller Protesant denominations. in fact, maximum Europeans have on no account heard of a well known Baptist. So thats truly the conflict in a simplistic nut shell. i might additionally desire to be conscious that the Catholic Church has an incredibly valuable dating with Anglicans, Lutherans, and the jap Orthodox faiths. exciting to be conscious, none of those faiths take the Bible actually eather. those form of faiths have their disagreements, even even though it truly is oftentimes extra theological and much less fanatical, in the well known era besides. As a Catholic, I might desire to assert that no faith is carefully appropriate or thoroughly incorrect. and that i think of it truly is immportant and morally appropriate to admire the Baptist faith, look at their ideals and honor its finer factors whilst rejecting is worse traits. i truly desire all faiths might desire to respectfully disagree, yet they cant.

Answer 8

If he too is living by the same faith in God that he is holding her to, then he is well within his rights and faith to do so.

Do not try to make him change what he believes because she is crying for him.

1-2-or 5 years down the line you could find out that he still holds it against her and wind up with a divorce anyway.

Answer 9

Disney doesn't hold Gay Days.

It's an unofficial event organized by people who have no connection with the Walt Disney Company.

Answer 10

Tell him to go talk to his pastor about it. His pastor will understand all of the issues involved and will better be able to deal with this.

But frankly, as a follower of Jesus, your friend ought to understand the concept of forgiveness. But you don't need to say that to him. Just tell him to schedule an appointment with his pastor. And if he is too nervous to do that, offer to go with him.