i'm bulimic. four years now. I sit, hidden in my room, secretly eating piles of food. i know about the complications, and the outcomes, yet, they mean nothing to me. knowing all this allows me to pretend that I can control the disease, when really, it's the other way round. I feel a sense of revulsion about my body and myself. after bingeing, I see myself for the disgusting creature that I am. I know I should get some sort of help, but I'm not going to my general practitioner about it. I don't want to be labelled as having a mental illness or psychiatric disorder. I think that would make it real, something that's actually a part of my life, rather than just something I'm writing about. I'm not really sure why I am bulimic, im not 'fat', i feel i have a nice body. i work out every day. i eat, and for a few minutes I feel fine, then, comes the horrible realization of what I've just done. i'm a prisoner of my own self image. i'm a male, i'm bulimic. i don't want to live like this anymore.
2006-10-05
21:42:32
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Other - Diseases