Maybe we like getting hurt. I'm being completely serious here. Maybe we like setting ourselves up so that eventually we crash and burn. So that each time we do fall we feel a little bit more human. Because only in our dreams can we not get hurt and maybe I don't like dreaming. So here we go back again, maybe we like the pain of breaking hearts and becoming sushi, all sliced and diced.
And why is it that even after the person has hurt us, we continue to love them, like nothing is wrong and nothing ever happened. Is it for composure reasons? Do we need to feel like we have that control, control over how we act when our heart feels like it no longer exists? I don't know, I really don't.
But I'm sick of it. I'm sick of constantly putting myself at the edge of the cliff just to fall again, seeing if anyone will be there to catch me at the bottom. And no one ever is. But when I finally have managed to get to the top of the cliff again, the bruises no longer evident, the scrapes no longer there, I jump again. Do we like the thrill of free falling, do we like the danger of the chance that someone might not be down there to catch us as we fall?
Because I'm sick of falling, I'm sick of completely trusting the one person that I should be able to trust and them not trusting me in return on the basis that I'm female, so I must be plotting to stab you in the back, and I must want to break your heart. But I don't want to, my hearts been broken enough as is and I wouldn't break the person's heart that I love, because my heart would get broken in the process.
I know it's hard to trust people. And I know it's hard to give up that control. But what about me? What about the fact that I'm free falling unsure of whether or not he'll be there to catch me. But I'm not saying I need him to catch me. Just somewhere in the game, it'd be nice if someone would....
2006-07-25
15:12:32
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13 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Singles & Dating