Religion & Spirituality - 2 July 2006

Willys cynical thought for the day;

There can not be freedom of religion without freedom from religion!

Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday school class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

Put stray dogs in coat closets.

Un-tune the piano.

Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven."

Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.

Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"

Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.

Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"

Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.

Start a wave.

Do cool things with the lighting.

When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff."

Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.

When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"

Make up your own words to the songs.

Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh sh*t. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.

Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.

If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT F***ING THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"

Dress all in black, or in camo.

Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two.

Change sets for the evening service.

If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.

At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.

Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks.

Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first mention of "fire and brimstone," throw it in.

Inflate balloons, then send them off.

Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side cartoons.

Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the page.

Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.

Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.

During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."

Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly light them.

Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen.

Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.

When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.

Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me" and lick them.

Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"

Blow bubbles.

Fake a possession.

Distribute condoms.

Speak in tongues.

Ask where the nearest ashtray is.

Drool in the collection plate.

Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.

After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act embarrassed.

Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry."

At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a wristwatch embedded inside.

Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the pastor.

Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"

Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the church next Saturday at midnight.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-02 08:12:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-02 08:12:01 · 6 answers · asked by linedriver465 2

2006-07-02 08:11:19 · 5 answers · asked by brenkee 1

I have a friend at school and she doesnt believe in God. She says she doesnt belive because she cant see hear or feel God. I told her the thing about the wind but she wouldnt listen. what can i tell her?

2006-07-02 08:09:47 · 19 answers · asked by baller24boy 1

2006-07-02 08:09:30 · 5 answers · asked by roygm 2

y were Jews punished ????

Sheerlock Holmes Jr

2006-07-02 08:09:07 · 7 answers · asked by joe 2

2006-07-02 08:08:10 · 9 answers · asked by chris l 5

I believe that God was the motivating force behind evolution. As we mature, we find better words to explain this fact. I don't believe evolution contradicts the bible, as a matter of fact, I think it upholds it. We are given what we can understand as to Who God is as we mature as a race. Young race, simple answers. Maturing race , complicated answers. They are still the same answer. Peace and Love

2006-07-02 08:06:10 · 11 answers · asked by digilook 2

How about defacating? Urinating? Sneezing? Premature ejaculation? Fighting? Stepping on a snail?

2006-07-02 08:05:49 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

source: My previous questions

In the first question, I accused Christians of telling their children that they could go to hell. Every Christian that responded denied it

In the second question, I asked Christians if they dont tell their children that they could go to hell, how would Christians know about hell? Than, most Christians admitted to telling their children that they could go to hell.

2006-07-02 08:04:19 · 10 answers · asked by Black Atheist 1

1) The Family is in a Prayer Session
2) Someone is Seriously Injured
3) A Religious Conversion has Just Occured
4) Someone has Reached the Height of Passion

2006-07-02 08:00:18 · 24 answers · asked by idspudnik 4

3.14etc, you will know it by this number. Proof beyond doubt.

2006-07-02 07:58:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Always thought it to be a cool question.....

2006-07-02 07:58:03 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

Grandpa's cough syrup? I mean really , I wonder if they know what they ask.

2006-07-02 07:57:40 · 9 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

It seems like our culture went through a period after WWII where heroes were out of style.
But things are different now. It is encouraging to know that Policeman and Firefighter costumes became the best selling kid's costumes after 9/11.

2006-07-02 07:56:05 · 7 answers · asked by SeeTheLight 7

2006-07-02 07:55:46 · 67 answers · asked by Angel_Anton 6

What do you think of these books of the Bible that were "left out"?

2006-07-02 07:54:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-02 07:53:25 · 2 answers · asked by Sathi D 1

What if someone who accepted, believed and loved God created a religion. If he and his followers tried to live by the holy bible and love all, and they never tried to push their views onto anyone. If they were law abiding citizens and kept to themselves. Would they be labeled as fake, idiots? If so, why? I mean they believe in God and they don't attack anyone else, or is society afraid of having a religion that is actually peaceful and not corrupt?

2006-07-02 07:53:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-02 07:51:34 · 10 answers · asked by pmandassoc 1

Willys cynical thought for the day;

If you've ended up in hell with someone, and you're still mad at them, where do you tell them to go?

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a university chemistry exam. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state: that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1.If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2.If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"!!!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-02 07:50:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-02 07:50:07 · 5 answers · asked by pmandassoc 1

2006-07-02 07:50:06 · 13 answers · asked by digilook 2

that we are going to Heaven or Hell before we are even born, does this mean that He lets people be born with the full knowledge that some of those people are born just to end up in Hell?

2006-07-02 07:50:03 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you're telling children that they could go to hell, you're mentally abusing them.

Telling children that they could go to hell will not improve children's behavior. Why?

Because you also teach them that they can just repent and say they're sorry and still go to heaven so, what's the point?

2006-07-02 07:49:27 · 6 answers · asked by Black Atheist 1

various religions have laws that dictate the actions of their followers and the political structure of their govenments.

Jews have Halakha/ Talmudic law

Muslims have Sharia law

and even HIndus have a religious law system

what is the legal system for a Christian Goverment? What is it called?

please no answers like peace and brotherly love or perfection those are abstact concepts I am talking a set legal system

2006-07-02 07:46:46 · 6 answers · asked by Gamla Joe 7

2006-07-02 07:44:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Was it not Jesus who preached to "go into thy closet to pray and thy father shall reward the openly--but do not praise and give in the streets as the hipocrites do" (Matthew 4-ish)?

Didn't Jesus NOT want people to be zealotous in public?

2006-07-02 07:42:31 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I read a prophetical statement about a companion to prophet Muhammed who was married to a woman and one night his wife was chatting with him and she opposed prophet Muhammed. The man tried to stop her but she did not stop, then he KILLED her. The next morning he told the story to prophet Muhammed and prophet Muhammed praised him for what he had done and told him that the woman desrved to be KILLED.

The above statement was narrated by Abu Dawood [3795] and also by Nisai'ee. That statement was a vital source used by Ibn taimia to justify that anyone who opposed prophet Muhammed should be killed.

My question is:
Should someone be killed JUST for opposing prophet Muhammed? especially that it was a private conversation with her husband.

Also, did that man produce any evidence to support what he'd said? does not this give a licence for anyone to kill his wife and pretend that she opposed prophet Muhammed?

2006-07-02 07:42:21 · 16 answers · asked by peace_lover 2

2006-07-02 07:41:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous