Senior Citizens

The kids letter comes back stamped Dream on, chester.
Kid asks for a new bike, gets a pack of smokes.
Along with his presents, Santa leaves a hefty bill for shipping and handling.
By the time he gets to your house all he has left is foam packing.
Instead of "naughty" and "nice" Santa has him on the stupid list.
Labels on all your kids toys reads "Straight from Craptown."
Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

2007-12-20 03:34:59 · 13 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6

Would you like some advice for enjoying the next one?
When you see a photo of the interviewers family on the desk, point and start laughing uncontrollably.
Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; "Boy! I bet this entire floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that."
After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with "of course I was totally hammered at the time."
Over emphasize your ability to use a copier.
Tell them you will have little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from from your other job.
Mention your resume would have been stronger but you didn't feel like making anything else up.
When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout "You mean Marge and Homer are in some kind of trouble?"
Upon walking into the office for the first time ask the receptionist to hold all your calls.
Constantly fidget with your underwear waistband, then blurt: "the strawberry ones are the stickiest ones, don't ya think?"

2007-12-20 03:28:27 · 6 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6

...they start off the day with a positive note and makes for some
hugs and kisses "delight" tonight, too...

2007-12-20 03:20:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A teenager lost her contact lens. She fruitlessly searched for an hour to no avail. Mom went to search for herself and returned in a just a few moments with the lens in hand. The teen ask, "Mom how did you manage to find it?" "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small peice of plastic and I was looking for $150."

2007-12-20 03:16:19 · 9 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6

Why don't the manufacturers fix these things? Obviously something must be done because every walker (zimmer frame for you UK-ers) I've ever seen has had tennis balls stuck to the feet.

2007-12-20 02:55:29 · 19 answers · asked by Gen•X•er (I love zombies!) 6

2007-12-20 02:40:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

No hawks or eagles or other predators in the sky, but they just go nuts, are they telepathic or know it is time for garbage somewhere?

2007-12-20 02:39:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

We believe there is a game show similar to this in the States, do you watch it and how do you think you'd get on if you went on the show?

2007-12-20 01:58:18 · 40 answers · asked by ? 6

I posted a joke and although it was a bit bawdy, there was no bad language. It was deleted but I didn't receive a notice of violation.

2007-12-20 01:49:34 · 18 answers · asked by Dan Bueno 4

You're going through questions, and there's one that you think you have a very good/ interesting answer to. But by the time your stiff and not well trained fingers type in what you have to say, 10 other pepole have already said it.

2007-12-20 01:47:23 · 32 answers · asked by stormy 4

When singing an old Rock n' Roll song in the car while going somewhere, change the words in the song to something goofy?
We changed the words, my nieces and I when they were in high school from "You can't hide your lying eyes" to "You can't hide your frying thighs" in the Eagles song. How about you? Which songs did you change the words to and to what?

2007-12-20 01:09:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

The only way you can go to another level is to complete a serious answer to a problem involving something they teach you in school? Why every game almost that is invented has to be fun or deadly or something but the kids and/or adults, don't learn anything from the game other than how to cheat to beat it?

2007-12-20 01:05:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I had to do this last night at a church Christmas party. Small groups of 6 - 7 of us had to sing one song to the tune of another. We ended up singing Away In A Manger to the tune of Go Tell It On A Mountain. Let me tell you, it screwed my head up big time! One woman ended up with such a fit of giggles over the whole experience, she said she nearly wet herself. If you've never done this, give it a try.

2007-12-20 01:00:31 · 13 answers · asked by Lady G 6

explaine gay condition in India because i have not understand because i m italian student that want study hindi lenguage to university but i m gay and if study your lenguage i must to live in india is good or negative.Indian society accepts gay people or gay are dicrimined and outside by family and work?

2007-12-20 00:52:57 · 6 answers · asked by Marco A 3

You tell them a few things; you show them in a catalog or magazine; you give them a list. And you get nothing on it? Example: hubby asked what I want. There is this thing called a Mobius bracelet that I've wanted for years. It runs about $80 on sale. It's silver, but somewhat twisted like a ribbon. It has a particular scripture engraved on it (Love is patient, etc.). I know he goes through this catalog whenever it comes in. I even marked it "Me!". The question comes up again a few nights ago and I showed him the bracelet, told him I've wanted it for a while now. He said he didn't like it. Well, fine, but he wouldn't be wearing it. This has happened to me my whole life. Why ask me if you disregard my response? LOL! Surely I'm not alone in this experience.

2007-12-20 00:47:35 · 26 answers · asked by Lady G 6

Where a President can throw the Constitution out the window whenever he/she decides it is not to his/her benefit? Or going back to the way it (the Constitution) was originally written?

2007-12-20 00:47:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do you explain that to a little kid? To the ones that don't know "Webkinz", they buy a little stuffed animal and register it on "Webkinz" site and play games and the points are money and you can purchase things for their little houses. They have a Christmas room but not allowed to use "Merry Christmas"!!!

2007-12-20 00:45:46 · 6 answers · asked by ndnquah 6

2007-12-19 23:57:38 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

i am going to live with my grand parents in shimla for the next 5 yrs. I would like to work in an old age home there,just as i love to look after my grans similarly i want to help out an old age center in shimla,so that i can help out as many senior citizens as possible. I have no idea where to find any information on this. Plz help me as soon as possible, coz i want to speak to & register myself with an old age home in shimla, so that when i reach there i can start my work ASAP. My grans & my mom & dad have agreed to my decision & also given me their permission. PLZ HELP ME ................. HELP THE OLD.

2007-12-19 23:43:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

My daughter just finished a two year degree and got married. When I co signed for a $4,000.00 school loan and then a 16.000.00 car loan for my daughter. once she was engaged, and was by both my daughter and son-in-law to be, assured that both would be out of my name once they were married. Now that they are married, they say they can't because they had to by a condo. Then when they bought the condo, they had 10.000 dollars in the bank and they but 500.00 down on the condo and bought all new furniture and paid some bills and so they could not get a loan for the college 4000.00 fund or find a co-signer for the car in my and my daughter's name although they promised they would. I am dumbfounded...why would they do this to me knowing that I am on a fixed income and need to get an equity loan for my home and can't get a decent % rate with 20,000 hanging over my head.

2007-12-19 21:37:06 · 25 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4

a beautifl song showen to me by Typically not me.

2007-12-19 20:35:10 · 7 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4

Love or Fear ?

2007-12-19 19:08:08 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I love all kinds of music. Earlier I saw a Joe South song posted and watched the video. Great song and it remined me of another song I love about ''the games people play''. It isn't an oldie. Watch first and then just listen. Tell me if you like it or not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9DMdyrmb2k

2007-12-19 17:55:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

although we provided them education, fullfilled their needs in their young age, they never return us the only love&affection what we expects more from them why?

2007-12-19 17:33:34 · 28 answers · asked by malivisu 2

I would love to do this. But only if I were with someone who knew their business. I love to watch these show on TV too. All the tornados are so different and the cloud formations are beautiful.

2007-12-19 17:00:59 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

or a different race?

2007-12-19 16:54:42 · 59 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

if single, did your former partner remind you of your mother or father?

2007-12-19 16:42:38 · 23 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

If so, what do you most like to see?

2007-12-19 16:41:29 · 28 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

I know the answer, but I was hoping if you don't know you won't look it up, and give the answer away. If you don't know, guess!

2007-12-19 16:41:10 · 4 answers · asked by primalclaws1974 6

You'd prefer to go to a gallery that specialized in which medium?

Drawings
Paintings
Photography
Sculpture
Textiles
Other?

2007-12-19 16:35:09 · 25 answers · asked by Wickwire 5