Ok, when I was a child about 7 years old I was sexual abused by many guys and men, but have not been rapped. So there was no penetration. Some people told me that it does matter if you only were rapped, but it's not a big deal if someone took advantages of your genitals and put his fingers in your panties and did such things and forced you putting your hand on his Genital….1 )Is that right??
My parents told me that I'm a stubborn so they used to beaten so bad when I was a kid for doin something wrong. They say that beating is good method to rise up children in better way so they obey.2) right?
In fact, all these years I used to be very isolated person even from my family members specifically after I had my first period. I still do not have any close friend. So I lack communication skills and stuff like that…I also have social phobia.
This caused me kinda of being invisible to the people. Actually it is relieving for me to be out of the centre of other's attention since I dun feel comfortable when am around them. When I 'm in insecure all I do to sit in the corner, on my bed or behind the couch and pull my legs to my chest or hold something close for example a bear, a pillow anything to feel better I'm 24*
For last 5 years I would say I kept ignoring my feelings which are toward my self even denying my existence and hate being a female and be shame of it. I turned to be a very lazy person. I kept sitting in the house and do almost nothing in my life. Within those years I tired to mix up wit some people, but now I noticed that this mixing up was all about forgetting my self, my pain, and could not find a way to express my self and found out the reason of all that was happening to me. I did not have my way of thinking my ideas and views which I believe in and which give me the power faith in life. I jus was not aware of the consequences of that molestation!!!!!
So I turned to be a pretender. I was afraid of being rejected*
I always have the thought that other people have the right to attack my core and offend me.
, I know that am very sensitive and considerate person and I dun like to hurt anybody else*
Recently I started to attend a college to study something and do something in my life.
Now when am grown up I face this problem with guys…I just can not love a guy anymore, but I still do have the lust to the opposite sex so if I will have a relationship
It will be jus for screwing to quench my desire*
But some time my strong desire makes me look cheap to guys…and I miss some of classes cuz I can not focus on my aims.
Honestly I freak out from inside when I talk with a handsome. I get jumbled with my words, and my heart beats fast. It feels like a death shock to me.
Some students told me that I should be highly confident cuz of my unique beauty and attraction I have. But they dun understand what kind of **** lays in me.
*'m obsessed about having sex. Do the entire sexual abuse survivor are same as me in this point?
What kinda of mental diseases do I have?
In my country there people dun care about going to a psychology doctor they jus think it is futile. And that you are crazy if you been there for once. I know there are ignorant.
Note am masochistic. Incase someone made me feel bad I cut my body with a scissor until I see blood runs out from some areas then relax.
2006-10-01
07:23:04
·
6 answers
·
asked by
Anonymous
in
Psychology