First I would like to tell you that (English is not my first language) so I jus hope you get what I meant?

Question

Ok, when I was a child about 7 years old I was sexual abused by many guys and men, but have not been rapped. So there was no penetration. Some people told me that it does matter if you only were rapped, but it's not a big deal if someone took advantages of your genitals and put his fingers in your panties and did such things and forced you putting your hand on his Genital….1 )Is that right??
My parents told me that I'm a stubborn so they used to beaten so bad when I was a kid for doin something wrong. They say that beating is good method to rise up children in better way so they obey.2) right?
In fact, all these years I used to be very isolated person even from my family members specifically after I had my first period. I still do not have any close friend. So I lack communication skills and stuff like that…I also have social phobia.
This caused me kinda of being invisible to the people. Actually it is relieving for me to be out of the centre of other's attention since I dun feel comfortable when am around them. When I 'm in insecure all I do to sit in the corner, on my bed or behind the couch and pull my legs to my chest or hold something close for example a bear, a pillow anything to feel better I'm 24*
For last 5 years I would say I kept ignoring my feelings which are toward my self even denying my existence and hate being a female and be shame of it. I turned to be a very lazy person. I kept sitting in the house and do almost nothing in my life. Within those years I tired to mix up wit some people, but now I noticed that this mixing up was all about forgetting my self, my pain, and could not find a way to express my self and found out the reason of all that was happening to me. I did not have my way of thinking my ideas and views which I believe in and which give me the power faith in life. I jus was not aware of the consequences of that molestation!!!!!
So I turned to be a pretender. I was afraid of being rejected*
I always have the thought that other people have the right to attack my core and offend me.
, I know that am very sensitive and considerate person and I dun like to hurt anybody else*
Recently I started to attend a college to study something and do something in my life.
Now when am grown up I face this problem with guys…I just can not love a guy anymore, but I still do have the lust to the opposite sex so if I will have a relationship
It will be jus for screwing to quench my desire*
But some time my strong desire makes me look cheap to guys…and I miss some of classes cuz I can not focus on my aims.
Honestly I freak out from inside when I talk with a handsome. I get jumbled with my words, and my heart beats fast. It feels like a death shock to me.
Some students told me that I should be highly confident cuz of my unique beauty and attraction I have. But they dun understand what kind of **** lays in me.
*'m obsessed about having sex. Do the entire sexual abuse survivor are same as me in this point?
What kinda of mental diseases do I have?
In my country there people dun care about going to a psychology doctor they jus think it is futile. And that you are crazy if you been there for once. I know there are ignorant.
Note am masochistic. Incase someone made me feel bad I cut my body with a scissor until I see blood runs out from some areas then relax.

Answer 1

First, Id like to thank you for posting your problem here. I think you have done a courageous act, and it shows that you want to feel better about yourself, and lead a good and happy life! What I can understand from your talk is that you have kept all your feelings inside yourself for all your life. Since childhood, you have kept within yourself and not opened up to anyone.
You dont trust anyone, and you dont trust yourself when your with someone. Yes, you have been sexually abused., and even physically abused by your parents.
One thing that you need to know is that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT! its not your fault that your desirable to men, its not your fault that you cant trust anyone.
Sometimes things happen to us that make us like that.. there is no fault of yours in this. Dont let yourself be affected by others. Dont let anyone, especially a man tell you what to do. Thats the first thing u can do for yourself.
When you say that when ur hurt u feel relaxed after seeing the blood runing out.. it shows that you have a lot of pain inside you which you havent told anyone.
So you need to go to a counsellor, so that he/she can help you talk. There is NO HARM in going to a psychologist or counsellor or psychology doctor as you cal it.. they will not harm you or hurt you.. they will just help you lead a better and happier life.
Believe me they can help you.. so the first thing you do is go to one..
And never hesitate to write your problems here. there are many people who are ready to help you and who can help you.

Answer 2

Since you have started college, you should go to the counseling center there and speak to one of the counselors. They can help you out a little. I also think it would be best to talk to someone about it. It didn't seem like you were getting the support you needed from your parents, etc so talking to a counselor would help. Since you are a student, there shouldn't be any charge.

I don't think there is any harm in seeing a counselor or psychologist. I went to see one when i was in college for other issues and was a social work/psychology major in college, there is nothing wrong with seeing. Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone about things. If you feel that you can't talk to your family or friends about certain things, it's good to know that there's somewhere else you can turn to.

Answer 3

1. No :-( 2. Yes 3. Probably 4. Probably 5. A book can be anything. Like a picture book. A novel is a chapter book. 6. The average life expectancy of your type. 7. Yes 8. I think so 9. idk wut that is 10. Evolution is a myth. Them being here helps prove it. 11. Because it's not touching the edge and it is staying wet. 12. They didn't completely solve it. They solved MOST of it. 13. I dont think so 14. Because. When you set the alarm it is on and ready. But when it goes off, the clock stopped timing. It stopped timing your sleep. 15. If your standing in front of it you are in peoples way. 16. Because Sally was money grubbing. 17. The bible is not in the library. 18. Because Spongebob inherited his genes from his uncle rather than his mother/father. (as with me) 19. No. 20. Ha ha no. I dont feel like answering the rest. But I am magic!!!

Answer 4

Something happened to me when I was child that makes me feel guilty to this day, and I think that's probably the reason I cant get close to woman because I'm scared I wont be good enough.

My advice is go and see your guidance counselor, I can keep all this in me and still lead a normal life, your harming yourself...talk to someone who cant tell anyone your secrets. You will feel better, talking about it is always the hardest step, good luck.

Answer 5

It is not good to seek professional advice when the people around you (as you said) are judgmental. You will only think twice everytime you think of going to a counselor. And once people finds out about you visiting a counselor, the more they become curious as to what you have visited the counselor for or be more curious to find out what have you been through. You'll probably only do when you rather consider going to a counselor as somewhat suicidal and be less concerned about other people's assumptions. However, what is there for you to lose if you go to a counselor anyway?

Alternatively, though, you can teach yourself to focus on the present rather than assume that everything that's going on to you has something to do with your past. Focusing on the "now" will rather make you become aware of the things you want and don't want. It is, indeed, difficult to forget the past... but you don't want to be trapped in your past either. You might want to reflect on the things you have done lately or analyze the things you want to do later. While you're reflecting, you will be able to determine your weaknesses, but you will also be able to determine what to do to overcome them. You will be able to imagine what to do, for example, to speak out to a person whom you want to talk with. Once that heartbeat of yours goes fast again, just let it be or you can also admit immediately that you're quite nervous. Admitting your nervousness will rather make the other person adjust to better absorb you... understand you.

You have to leave your bad past behind. It will be very difficult but you have to try somehow. You are 24... you are still very young... don't let your past ruin your "now" and your future. The past will never do you any good. Help yourself.

I really wish I could get a chance to know you better. I imagine that you need somebody to talk to with all your worries, or just anything that keeps bothering you from inside. Until you speak them out, it will become easier to make a brand new start and begin to forget the past.

Take care.

~ ^__^

Answer 6

O, dear, please stop hurting yourself! That's not a good thing to do, You do need to talk to a doctor if you can afford it. If not, talk to someone who has gained your trust. This is a hard question to answer here on a board.

Answer 7

you need more help than you can get here. please seek out professional help very soon. there must be counselors at your school, or contact your local mental health agency, you can find them in the yellow pages