Entertainment & Music - 25 October 2007

A couple is on their honeymoon and the new bride tells her husband to be gentle because she is a virgin. Shocked, the groom says:"But you've been married three times before!"
"Yeah", she says, "but my first husband was a psychologist and only wanted to talk about it, my second husband was a gynechologist and only wanted to look at it, and my third husband was a stamp collector and only wanted to........God, I miss him."
After a moment of silence, she then turns to her newest husband and says:" And since you're a lawyer, I know I'm going to get screwed."

2007-10-25 22:40:15 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-25 22:40:06 · 19 answers · asked by wolflady 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 22:38:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 22:35:43 · 16 answers · asked by wolflady 6 in Polls & Surveys

Coat 1
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=5168&pid=472866

OR

Coat 2
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=5168&pid=503925

2007-10-25 22:25:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Thank you, I was feeling a bit left out...
Yes I know its been done before, I started it!

2007-10-25 22:23:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida to attend their grand-daughter's graduation from medical school.

Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit one of their sons in Kansas for a night.

Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the medicine cabinet. He asked his son about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"Around $10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one. We'll be leaving early in the morning, so l will put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110. 00 under the pillow.

He immediately called Grandpa on his cell phone and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

2007-10-25 22:22:21 · 24 answers · asked by Grotty Bodkin is not dead!!! 5 in Jokes & Riddles

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and
party with his old buddies.
So he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
Different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries:
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, "Yes, lollypop...but at the bar...you know...they
have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted
him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was
getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at
the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I
won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi poo?" She opened the oven and took
Out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in
blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know...there's swearing,
dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, ********? Drink your f#cking beer in your
Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf#cking snacks, because you are
married now, and you aren't f#cking going anywhere! Got it,
@rsehole?"........and, they lived happily ever after.

2007-10-25 22:19:34 · 17 answers · asked by barz 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-25 22:19:21 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 22:18:31 · 11 answers · asked by Traveller 2 in Polls & Surveys

ALCOHOL WARNING - Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers

WARNING:- The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.

2007-10-25 22:15:31 · 9 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

I have no idea. It usually stays with me, but some days...

Bleh.

:-/

G'nite.

2007-10-25 22:15:24 · 13 answers · asked by agieagieagie22 4 in Polls & Surveys

A Missouri State Trooper pulled a car over for speeding. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly; he then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in.

The trooper observed him doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "Might as well take my *** on to jail, there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

2007-10-25 22:14:31 · 6 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.

The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?

"The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3,000 a month living expenses."

2007-10-25 22:13:34 · 6 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

A man walks into the front door of the pub. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and with a belch, asks the barman for a drink.

The barman politely informs the man that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not serve him and could a taxi be called for him? The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the stool and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the pub. He wobbles up to the bar and shouts for a drink. The barman comes over and firmly but still politely refuses to serve the man and again offers to call for a taxi. The drunk looks at the barman for a moment angrily, curses and stumbles out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the pub. He plops himself up on the stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The barman comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks and either a taxi or the Police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the barman and in hopeless anguish cries Geeze, how many bars do you work at?"

2007-10-25 22:12:47 · 6 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,

"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

Give me a push……….

2007-10-25 22:12:01 · 6 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-25 22:10:42 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 22:10:24 · 3 answers · asked by ♆Şрhĩņxy - Lost In Time. 7 in Movies

i have just been checking my emails and i have got another violation notice....... for asking on tuesday why people have it in for dr BAD, looks like i have been caught in the crossfire! i am now on TROLL alert

2007-10-25 22:06:59 · 13 answers · asked by Ottilie 5 in Reality Television

Work week went by fast, what do you plan to do tonight?

2007-10-25 22:04:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 22:04:04 · 51 answers · asked by Buddy Hodor 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 22:02:48 · 7 answers · asked by Air_Arvin 2 in Comics & Animation

NASA received three messages in a strange language from a distant planet. The scientists studied the messages and found that "Necor Buldon Slock" means "Danger Rocket Explosion" and "Edwan Mynor Necor" means "Danger Spaceship Fire" and "Buldon Gimilzor Gondor" means "Bad Gas Explosion". What does "Slock" mean?


a. Danger
b. Explosion
c. Nothing
d. Rocket
e. Gas

2007-10-25 21:59:47 · 27 answers · asked by >D_ConTradictor< 4 in Jokes & Riddles

I think it's from a film Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire?

2007-10-25 21:58:41 · 9 answers · asked by petite_cutelady 3 in Movies

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

2007-10-25 21:49:55 · 14 answers · asked by gangrekalve k 7 in Jokes & Riddles

Just wondering

2007-10-25 21:47:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 21:42:18 · 15 answers · asked by efm 3 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-25 21:41:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Music

2007-10-25 21:40:01 · 36 answers · asked by Mekana 5 in Polls & Surveys

Joe died, leaving a will that provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last of the visitors departed the affair, his widow Helen turned to her oldest friend and said, "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who then lowered her voice and leaned in close,"How much did this really cost?"
"All of ,"said Helen. " the Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen replied, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.
The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial
Stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?"

"Two and a half carats."

2007-10-25 21:39:32 · 7 answers · asked by coolfluke 3 in Jokes & Riddles