My question is very serious and it goes like this. Am I a rapist?
Me and my girlfriend having been going out for 3 months now, she is 18 and I am 23. Let me tell you about our sex history in case it helps you better understand. She lost her virginity last year in July with a guy who dumped her after having sex with her and she felt like he used her, she also slept with some guy but they broke up because it did not work out. I only slept with one girl in my whole life and it is because I am a bookworm, a geek some might say so I am not good with women in general.
It all started when after going out to watch the movies at the mall, I suggested that she should come and visit me at my house because we live far away from each other, she said yes and we set a date. I had work to do that day so we cancelled and she was a bit upset and I at the back of my mind thought she was upset because she wanted to come over to my house so we came be intimate, but I wasn't sure at that time, we never talked about sex before then.
A few days later I sent her an sms (text message) telling her amongst other things that "I want you" and the reason I did that was because I thought she would think that I didn't want to meet her because I didn't want to be intimate with her and will therefore dump me. We talked over the phone and she asked me what did I mean by "I want you", I gave her a dumb explanation and didn't tell her the truth because I thought she didn't want me to be so forward and she was maybe playing some kind of a game.
She came to my house around noon, we watched a movie and we started kissing after the movie, I slowly took off her pants and asked her if she wants me and she said no, but she was smiling when she said it and I could tell that she was enjoying me touching her and kissing her, I kept on kissing her body and asking her again if she wants me and again she said no, she started to be a bit difficult and at the back off my mind I thought it was maybe a game as I don't have much experience with sex and women. But eventually I stopped, she put on back her pants and she could see I was a bit irritated because she was giving me mixed signals. We talked for a moment and we agreed that she will spend the night with me. I went to the local shop to buy her a toothbrush and some body cream because she didn't bring any.
I came back and we started talking, listening to music and talked some more and at around 7pm we started kissing again, I went on top of her and took off her clothes and then we had sex, there was no violence or anything, I didn't force her to do it but we did, after that she said I raped her, she didn't look serious when she said it and I took that as a joke, then we talked once more and she told me about her ex-boyfriend who after 2 years lost her virginity with him but he dumped her and she said he was after sex only, and then she said I mustn't dump her like her ex did, I reassured her that I love her and I will never do such a thing.
We watched some TV for a couple of hours and at around 11pm we decided to go to sleep as I was supposed to go to work the next day. We tried to sleep but couldn't, we talked a little bit and then started kissing again, again I went on top of her, we had sex, she went on top of me and we did it, switched off the lights and I remember at one point during the sex session I said to her she should guide my penis into her because it was dark and I couldn't see, she did and we continued having sex, she climbed on top of me and again guided my penis on to her as I couldn't see and we did it. At one point my condoms ran out, I asked her if it's ok if we do it with no condom, she asked me if I was sick and I said no and then we did it with no condom, later on she said that she wouldn't mind having a baby with me because soon I was going to ejaculate inside her but I said no, I'm not ready for a baby and that's when we stopped. We talked a little bit and cuddled and she jokingly said she will kill me if she falls pregnant. We went to sleep and we woke up the next day.
Then I went to work and she went back home. We talked over the phone and asked her when will she be coming back to my house and she said soon, she told me that I am a naughty boy and she didn’t expect me to be naughty and to have sex with her and she said something like guys like me are not supposed to initiate sex, but we were laughing about it. We again set a date and she came to my house. I told her I missed her and I wanted to make love to her again but she said no, I thought she was again playing a game like last time and I persisted, but I could tell that this time was serious because she wasn't smiling and didn't want to kiss me.
I asked her why she didn't want to make love to me and she said it's because I forced her into having sex with me and therefore I raped her, I was stunned and she also said that I only want to have sex with her and saw her as a "piece of meat", we talked and I pointed out that I thought she also wanted to have sex with me like I did, I told her that she wanted to come to my house because she wants me, I told her about the signs and signals from her but she was upset, I told her that I won't touch her until she makes the first move if she things that I was using her for sex, I even said that we don't have to have sex until we get married.
She spent the night again and nothing happened, I again went to work and she when back home, she is a student at the University and her school is closed so that's why she went home. We saw each other again at the mall and watched a movie like we always do, went to eat at a restaurant and started talking, I asked her if she regrets having sex with me and she said yes, she wasn't ready and said I raped her. I was starting to get scared, and now I am not sure anymore if I am indeed a rapist or not. I really love her and it hurts me that she is almost always upset when she is with me.
I think what happened is that she didn't come to my house to have sex with me like I thought she did, but eventually we had sex, even though at first she said no we had sex and there was no violence, I didn't force her or anything and she didn't scream and she also willingly came on top of me and guided my penis into her because it was dark. Then I think after a few days she realised that she made a mistake sleeping with me so soon and regrets sleeping with me, I do realise that I was wrong in thinking she was ready and I was wrong in persisting but I wasn’t forceful and we had consensual sex because at around 1 am I remember her taking a call while we were having sex from a friend of her asking if she is having a good time and my girl said yes but also said I am a naughty boy.
We are still together but what happened that night is making our relationship difficult especially for her because she keeps on saying I raped her and raped her emotionally. I don't know if she will open a case soon or 10 years from now, I would like to get this behind me so we can move on because now I keep on thinking of jail, I keep on thinking that one day if we break up she will maybe open a case against me, I don't think she will do it but it could happen, I really love her and I have sleepless night thinking about this and her. If you think I did rape her and I deserve to go to jail then maybe I think I should go to jail.
I would like to know if I am a rapist after what you have read and what I have told you?
Thank you!
2007-12-02
23:44:48
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31 answers
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asked by
Sanza
1
in
Gender Studies