We’ve been together 4 ½ years, lived together for a 1 ½ years and got engaged last week. Ok, he wakes up in a bad mood almost every morning and I am sick of it. He was pissy so I let him be. I made little casual comments, tried to make little jokes and he just sits there with little one word answers or pissy comments. I'm very aware of non-verbal communication and it hurts me to live with this kind of tension. (this is not a new thing) I can't ignore him because we live in a small apartment and there is really no way to get away from his negative energy. I love him very much but this tension can drive me insane b/c it always escalates into a fight unless him or I just leave to do something else (school/work). Sure enough, he finally made a comment to indicate his irritation (although, he will deny up and down that he is in a bad mood). He called me a lazy, worthless b****. Mind you, I was doing nothing except telling him not to use our fish tank bucket for chemicals, b/c we can use the spare trash can. (Putting chemicals in a fish bucket and then using it to change the water in the fish tank could kill them very easily). So, I took my engagement ring off and threw it at him. I couldn’t stand having it on my finger at that time b/c I felt chained to him…a man that hurts me so much. He accuses me of that probably 2-3 times a week minimum, b/c I don’t choose to work as much as him and I am in nursing school full-time (most of the girls who go don’t even work in the first place b/c of the time-consuming nature of nursing school). When we moved out, he knew the situation and he rubs it in my face all the time. I was very hesitant to move in w/ him b/c of this, I knew he would be footing most of the bills and so did he. He still wanted to do it, I had a good arrangement living w/ my mom. He wants me to be like his mom and cook and clean 24/7...I find other things in life more important. I’m not like her in that way and he knew I wasn’t. I keep the kitchen clean and do some stuff around the house but I am not obsessive about cleaning like he is. I don’t live in filth or anything, but he sees messes that I just can’t see. I’ve been spending 9hrs a day for the past week tutoring a friend who may fail out of nursing school b/c I felt it was the right thing to do, and I haven’t been able to clean like he wants. He even encouraged me to do this for her. Well, I asked for the ring back about 5 mins. later (even though he was still being a jerk) and he refused to give it to me. He then left for work. It really hurts me when he says those things and I know I may have over-reacted throwing it at him, but I just felt so tethered to him when he was hurting me while I had that ring on…it was weird. I looked at it and it made me feel nauseous. So, I’m taking my dog and packing up some stuff to go to my mom’s for the weekend (at least). Am I wrong? He will inevitably call me like he always does and beg me to come back, say he’s wrong like always…but….I’m sick of it. Does that nauseous feeling I felt when looking at the ring at the time mean anything? Did I over-react way too much? Am I completely wrong? Is this common for newly engaged women to feel burdened by the weight of the commitment? I’m a product of a divorce, so marriage does not appeal to me like it does him, it scares me. My childhood was tumultuous b/c of it. I do love him, but I’m just scared I guess. There are lots of other good qualities but his negative attitude is just eating away at me and overwhelming all of his good stuff. Sorry this is so long, but I have to get this out. Thanks for all your advice.
2007-05-05
03:25:38
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14 answers
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asked by
SNAFU
1
in
Marriage & Divorce