I have a huge dilemma in my life that's causing alot of stress. My question is a bit long, but I need some honest answers. Here's a bit of background information and timeline to help understand the situation:
Back in 2000, I started dating Lawrence and was introduced to his friends including his friend Brad, whom I also quickly became close friends with and we spent alot of time together. Three months later, I moved into a 5-bedroom house with these people and I set-up my younger sister with Brad and she came by to visit often.
A few months later, Lawrence and I broke-up, causing all friends to basically 'pick sides'. At the same time, Brad had been invited to go along with my sister and parents on holiday and they left shortly after the break-up.
No one wanted to move out. Lawrence wasn't speaking to me at all, causing his friends to take his side and not speak to me either. There was alot of tension among everyone and I used to call my parents and cry to them about every detail. This basically caused my parents to hate these friends and they wanted my sister to break-up with Brad.
By summer 2001, my sister is still dating Brad and moves in with him, although my parents won't have anything to do with him. Brad and my sister fought alot, mostly over each other's differences and spending too much time. She was too needy and expected too much of him and he became angry and sometimes said mean things. She didn't really have any other close friends and only had our parents to talk to everytime she had a fight with Brad, therefore fueling the fire of dislike towards him. By September, Brad and I are friends again and we all spend time together.
A few months pass, my sister breaks-up with Brad and moves back to our parents place and buys a car. She goes back to school full-time and dates other people. Brad and I are still friends, since I refuse to pick sides. Brad and my sister just weren't suited to each other and were better apart, in my opinion. I don't even know how they stayed together as long as they did without killing each other.
Months pass, Brad and I start dating, but keep it a secret from my family just for awhile until I can figure out how to break it to my parents since they still won't have anything to do with him.
Later, I move-in with Brad, and finally tell my family. My sister never had a problem with he and I being together, she was over him long before she even broke-up with him.
Between then and last year, I’ve spent almost all family holidays with my parents and apart from Brad, since to me, even though he and I live together he is still just my boyfriend and these are 'family events'. It's not like he's my husband or even a common-law partner. This bothers him more than he let on at first. I spent this past Christmas and Easter with him and his family since we've been together so long and it's important to him.
Over the last 3 months, he has begun talking about he and I breaking-up because he sees that we have no future since my parents still haven’t had anything to do with him. My sister is engaged and getting married in August and he isn't invited and he feels left out of everything (he is her ex, though!! I wouldn't want any of my exes at my wedding!!). I really want things to work with him and recently I approached this subject with my parents who have agreed to have dinner with him and I sometime and allow him the chance to prove he’s not the bad guy they think he is. They want to hear an apology from him. I’m afraid that he has already given up on the relationship and refuses to suffer a bruised ego by apologizing to my parents. He refuses to believe that things could ever be okay between him and my parents.
I am otherwise happy with Brad, I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He treats me like any normal boyfriend would, and we do have our fights but we get along better than most of the other couples we know. Is there a way to make this work? Now that my parents are willing to make the attempt to get along, how do I convince him that apologizing to them will likely work wonders?
2006-06-20
04:18:33
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17 answers
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asked by
Anonymous