All categories - 9 September 2007

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.



The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? "

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."




Mrs. Smith fainted

2007-09-09 22:13:01 · 16 answers · asked by junior 6 in Malaysia

I have this motherboard for my PC :
http://www.dooyoo.co.uk/motherboard/msi-socket-478-845m/details/

Recently I got a used graphic card from my friend. The model is Radeon X300 SE. The question is the graphic card compatible with my motherboard?

2007-09-09 22:12:20 · 2 answers · asked by nujikabane 2 in Other - Hardware

Does Any 1 Know A Good Company Name We Are Selling Shares And We R Nameing Them CareShares We Want Something Catchy Something Every 1 Would Know as Soon As Ppl Were Talking About It Plz Help Me Thanks

2007-09-09 22:12:18 · 1 answers · asked by ? 1 in Small Business

a regular tetrahedron is a three-dimensional object that has four faces, each of which is an equilateral triangle. Each of the edges of such an object has a length L. The height H of a regular tetrahedron is the perpendicular distance from one corner to the center of the opposite triangular face. Show that the ratio between H and L is H/L = sqrt 2/3.
Please help if you can. Answers only are great but they don't help come test time. Can anyone break this down in understndable terms?? All help is appreciated!! Thanks!

2007-09-09 22:12:08 · 2 answers · asked by Curt 2 in Physics

2007-09-09 22:10:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I mean like kids do or when you were a teenager, even? Would not that be nice? And what makes you laugh nowadays? Couldn't be tv, can it?

2007-09-09 22:10:17 · 7 answers · asked by JIM 4 in Other - Cultures & Groups

who and why

2007-09-09 22:10:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I'm interested in and am doing research on Icelandic youth, street and college slang for a project I'm working on.

I'd like to know:

Can "hörku kona" or "hörku kvendi"
"Hörð stelpa", "Hörð stulka" and "Hörð tata" be used like slang, and can I use an expression like, "Hörku Beygla", or "Hörð Beygla"? Beygla I know is an Icelandic slang for a woman/girl.

Are "queen", "princess" and "diva" terms people use for a respectible female?

Are there any slangs for a "girl rascal" and "girl rogue"?

Please let me know. :D

2007-09-09 22:09:52 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Languages

Hello, im planning to study there for one semester but i don't have a lot of information about the place.. i would like to know how is this university like... is it good? is it consider as a difficult one? how are the instalations? whatever you can tell me will be useful..
Thanks a lot!

2007-09-09 22:09:47 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Sydney

2007-09-09 22:09:45 · 8 answers · asked by Holiday Magic 7 in Philosophy

2050
never
I don't know what is it
next 10 years
next 5 years
already inside my head
Don't know yet

2007-09-09 22:09:21 · 2 answers · asked by bert 2 in Polls & Surveys

Just need to know : )

2007-09-09 22:09:07 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Motorcycles

What type of taxis are safest/most reliable?

2007-09-09 22:08:49 · 4 answers · asked by pip 34 4 in Rio de Janeiro

As I am one of the people who believe innocent until proven guilty, and that I have not seen or heard anything that seems more logical than the McCanns being innocent (please don't bother with the bleat: They left them alone, it's been said 1000's of times), I have been on the receiving end, many times of accusations of supporting/condoning abuse and being a bad parent. My daughters are kind, compassionate, strong, likeable, sucessful and happy, so to the other resonable people here who have been accussed of being bad parents, are you proud of the results of your labour?
Controversialiy I will also say, that, had I not learnt the lesson for which the McCanns are paying the price, I may have left my little ones asleep whilst I dined on holiday, shock, horror.
I spent a lot of time with my girls, who looks after the loved ones of the people who spend all day and night, every day and night on here. Who gives their children the attention they need?

2007-09-09 22:06:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Current Events

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is,to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter,the official said, "Go ahead, father, next!

2007-09-09 22:06:10 · 4 answers · asked by all are best answers 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-09-09 22:04:35 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Women's Health

Hmmm?

2007-09-09 22:03:51 · 10 answers · asked by Mo 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-09-09 22:03:47 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Cars & Transportation

or Tone= mood,Diction,Irony,Theme,Structure,Style=metre,rhthm=repetition,Metaphor = magery=personification,assossance,alliteration
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? a
Thou art more lovely and more temperate: b
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, a
And summer's lease hath all too short a date: b

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, c
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; d
And every fair from fair sometime declines, c
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd; d
But thy eternal summer shall not fade e
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; f
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, e
When in eternal lines to time thou growest: f

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, g
So long lives this and this gives life to thee. G

The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden, there came through the open door the heavy scent of the lilac, or the more delicate perfume of the pink-flowering thorn.
From the corner of the divan of Persian saddle-bags on which he was lying, smoking, as was his custom, innumerable cigarettes, Lord Henry Wotton could just catch the gleam of the honey-sweet and honey-coloured blossoms of a laburnum, whose tremulous branches seemed hardly able to bear the burden of a beauty so flamelike as theirs; and now and then the fantastic shadows of birds in flight flitted across the long tussore-silk curtains that were stretched in front of the huge window, producing a kind of momentary Japanese effect, and making him think of those pallid, jade-faced painters of Tokyo who, through the medium of an art that is necessarily immobile, seek to convey the sense of swiftness and motion. The sullen murmur of the bees shouldering their way through the long unmown grass, or circling with monotonous insistence round the dusty gilt horns of the straggling woodbine, seemed to make the stillness more oppressive. The dim roar of London was like the bourdon note of a distant organ.
In the centre of the room, clamped to an upright easel, stood the full-length portrait of a young man of extraordinary personal beauty, and in front of it, some little distance away, was sitting the artist himself, Basil Hallward, whose sudden disappearance some years ago caused, at the time, such public excitement and gave rise to so many strange conjectures.

2007-09-09 22:01:14 · 2 answers · asked by Dr Ask 1 in Poetry

can i remove the shock by a wire connected to the earth?

2007-09-09 22:01:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Maintenance & Repairs

1]DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
2]Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations :

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps
on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

2007-09-09 22:00:42 · 7 answers · asked by all are best answers 2 in Jokes & Riddles

If I book a railway ticket of central railway and get a confirmed seat, how will I know where my coach will come? I know I may sound stupid but since I have not travelled much in trains need to know how does one determine the place where ones coach will come, as some of the times the charts on platforms are missing & there is no one on platforms ready to help.

2007-09-09 22:00:39 · 1 answers · asked by Goodguy 4 2 in Rail

Take a pick. If I like your answer 10 points!

2007-09-09 21:59:52 · 12 answers · asked by Good_Ball 2 in Basketball

I think that td shouldn't be. i think it was a wrong call.
what do you think about?

2007-09-09 21:59:04 · 10 answers · asked by pb.fan 3 in Football (American)

www.findmadeleine.com.

Don't lose sight of what this is really all about. Madeleine is STILL MISSING.

Don't give up on her.

2007-09-09 21:58:26 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - News & Events

2007-09-09 21:58:03 · 7 answers · asked by Mochomo 2 in Other - Society & Culture

Either militarily or economically?

2007-09-09 21:57:54 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Politics & Government

A cart with mass 19.5 kg is intitally at rest. You get it moving by pushing on the cart at an angle of θ = 33.9° from above the horizontal. The magnitude of your force as a function of time is given by: Fyc(t) = Foe-b t, where b = 0.46 s-1 and Fo = 141.6 N. You can assume that the wheels on the cart are good enough that you can neglect friction between the cart and ground.
What is the speed of the cart when t = 4.7 s?

I know that i need to use newton's second law. I worked on it for hours, but can not get it. please help. Thank you so much.

2007-09-09 21:57:38 · 3 answers · asked by moonlightNY 1 in Physics

2007-09-09 21:57:36 · 15 answers · asked by ? 4 in Other - Politics & Government