im 13, this is a poem i wrote about a boy getting drunk. constructive critisim please.
Sitting in a room,
third beer within my klutch.
Feeling guilty now,
promised mom,
"Won't drink to much."
Want to get back to the party,
be with all my friends.
Maybe we can be together when the party ends.
Drinking with the football team,
having quite a ball.
Beginning to fell dizzy,
and then I start to fall.
At first the pain is deep,
for my head had hit the floor.
But the boys begin to laugh,
so I think I need some more.
Going on my eighth and I'm feeling pretty good.
Though I know I've drinken more then I really
ever should.
Then I take the keys,
and being to pull away.
The brutal ending to my life,
on that night in
May.
2007-06-20
13:35:58
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14 answers
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Anonymous