Other - Family & Relationships - 19 July 2006

I feel like I am caught in a quandary that has pretty much immobilized me and prevented me from moving on with my life.

I have been extremely angry with a person for some hurtful things he said and did shortly after the death of someone important to both of us several years ago. Other people involved in the situation agree that this person was wrong, even cruel. At the time I tried to make amends, but this person's attitude made that impossible. Eventually I stopped communicating with him because I just couldn't deal with him and needed to focus on myself.

However, distancing myself did not bring peace. Instead, I have found myself struggling with a sense of guilt and shame over the collapse of our relationship. I have almost irrational feelings that I should be a better person, that I am the bad person in this situation, that I don't deserve to enjoy life or be happy. Mind you, people who know me would be surprised to hear this as I keep it to myself. I am able to make it through the day at work and enjoy time with friends, but the instant I go through my front door I feel the weight of the world crushing down on me.

Much of the problem is that this person is a narcissist. True reconciliation would be impossible because there is no such thing as a two-way street in his mind. If I were to tell him I forgave him, he would act like he didn't know what I was talking about. After all, he could never admit to himself, let alone anyone else, that he had ever done anything wrong. Likewise, he would never forgive another person because that would mean admitting the other person actually affected him.

Another part of the problem is that this person is getting on in years and is ill. From all reports, his illness has not changed his personality or attitude. If anything, it has made him worse. Nevertheless, I dread thinking about how I would feel if I didn't forgive him before he died.

How do I go about forgiving this person and relieving myself of this burden when, every time I think about it, I become so angry? Is forgiveness a thing of the heart? Or must I tell him I forgive him in order to truly forgive him?

2006-07-19 15:24:18 · 10 answers · asked by Nellie Nobody 1

does it hurt? how'd it get there? will it scar? how deep is it? will you be o.k.?

2006-07-19 15:22:28 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

if ur whipped:
1.u do whatever they say
2.u always take the blame even though u dont
3.u would say yes to anything they tell u to do
4.u listen to them
5.u buy them everything they want
6.they hurt u but u dont care.. just as long as u have them ur fine.
7.they always win the fight
8.u let them have the most important thing to u
9.u know they take u for granted but u still dont care

... if u are stop it now before they break ur heart.

this happend to my best friend.. and i dont want n e one else to feel the same way.

2006-07-19 15:21:32 · 20 answers · asked by libby 1

2006-07-19 15:20:41 · 16 answers · asked by jane d 1

ok well my girlfriends mom said i was but she like hates me but ok today me and her were supposed to hang out and her uncle and cousin want her to go fishing with them she hardly ever gets to do it but i got mad about it not really mad but like sad because i was looking forward to seeing her today soo what do you guys think possessive or not

Also i sometimes when im sad and stuff i say things to bring her down i hate that about me i want to change that soo bad any one got any tips for me thanks

2006-07-19 15:17:39 · 17 answers · asked by brandon8020 3

2006-07-19 15:15:32 · 16 answers · asked by Linda R 6

i have been working as of programmer for 5 years and i ilke my job, now i got this money from inheritance and i don't know what should i do in my life and how can i set my future goals. (i am confused) what is your opinion and recommendation?

2006-07-19 15:14:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/9150/s4020543co1.jpg

2006-07-19 15:10:01 · 16 answers · asked by Nikki 2

I like this guy, but he doesn't notice I excist. At least I'd don't think so.

2006-07-19 15:03:52 · 18 answers · asked by lil mizz perfect!! 1

2006-07-19 14:58:04 · 18 answers · asked by KATRINA N 1

My boyfriend wants to have a threesome and it is something that I want to do for him. I have kissed a few girls and was surprised at how much it turned me on. I think I am ready to take the next step (slowly) but I don't know where I can find a girl that 1. will be interested and 2. will be what i'm looking for. We have joined an adult web site but all the people on there are old, ugly, to aggressive or just time wasters. Where can I find a girl that I can be comfortable with??

2006-07-19 14:50:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

The old highschool days of flirting are over. Now I'm in college. Do I act my age? Usually not. But there is this girl in one of my classes who is smoking hot. I think I'm in love with her. The only problem is that she sits way on the other side of the room and there is about 50 people in there. She looks just like one of those girls that I like, but I don't know how to approach her. It seems awkard to just talk to her out of nowhere as we are going out of class esp. after we never met before. Any ideas?

2006-07-19 14:48:54 · 16 answers · asked by Osama Bin Laden 1

2006-07-19 14:46:50 · 7 answers · asked by taycorzy 1

2006-07-19 14:41:59 · 35 answers · asked by KATRINA N 1

i have a friend who iknow of and this has bothered her for years

2006-07-19 14:41:16 · 12 answers · asked by dans92647atyawhoim 1

This is a question for the men really but do you like it when a woman expresses her feelings to you and wants to get with you like say when the guy got back from Iraq? Would you find it flattering or what just give me your opinion please?

2006-07-19 14:36:46 · 4 answers · asked by ooowhoalilmamaooo 2

My BF has some alcohol issues he needs to resolve, which he is not taking seriously. He quit his job, and lays his hangups on me.He has been treating me like I am an object.Being pregnant and all, being comfortable is not really an option while having sex and I dont always want it right now. His hormones are raging at this time... Damn it.. Sometimes I just want to sleep.. But thats not everything.. He expects me to do everything.... All the house chores, grant it I am now working at this time but I cont do everything... Im also not helpless either but still.. It's not fair.. We just lost our rental house, moved into my mothers.. they have too many problems to begin with.. Sometimes I feel like he is just using me as a sex object, and when I try to tell him that...he obviously thinks Im joking or something. I've put my foot down and no changes have been made.. This is a hard decision.. Am I right to feel all this?

2006-07-19 14:35:50 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

I left my ex for someone eles, and i wasent being honest with her about it, and my ex is really close with my family and expecally my sister, and my little newfew 2 and 3 call her auntie. I dont know what to do?

2006-07-19 14:35:46 · 13 answers · asked by confussed 1

21 year old Son, lives at home. Works full-time, goes to College, pays His own bills, and rent. He met a 24 year old young lady on line, playing a game called World of Warcraft. We live in CA., she lives in Canada. He recently told Me that She is flying here in two weeks, to meet My Son, and staying for a week. I think it is a little strange, like Her age, Her picture, I just have that feeling, the one You are supposed to listen to.

Now I just received a call from Her Dad today. Seemed like a nice man, smart, but not a lot of common sense. He said He investigated Our Family on the Internet. Can anyone please tell Me how to do the same?

Anyone else ever had to go through this? How was it?

2006-07-19 14:32:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Seriously, I have been on here answering questions, and sometimes people can be really rude for no reason. Whatever happened to beeing nice, waving as people pass, smiling, helping each others, and good stuff like that? Am I the last nice person alive? lol

2006-07-19 14:31:59 · 56 answers · asked by Reverand Ray 4

would be better if someone who answered this does or has slit thier rists due to problems; People who are knew to this welcome to answer :)---oh yeah and i couldn't find a section to where this question might fit into so...yeah

2006-07-19 14:23:17 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Without being to graphic what is one of your sexual fantasies? I know it's corny but mine involves Johnny Depp in his pirate costume.

2006-07-19 14:21:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

She has worked at the company for a long time and she sucks everybody in to gossip with them about everybody else. She is very insincere, has low esteem, and seems insincere. The times I've told her things that I knew...I now regret because I think she could be a backstabber. How do I keep my distance from her without her thinking something is up? Today I tried to do that and she came right up to me and asked if I was having a bad day. It was like she felt a difference in my very energy. Do I just keep things civil and stop giving her info?

2006-07-19 14:15:52 · 17 answers · asked by Rachel 7

I've worked with this girl for like 9 months & I think she wants to do it. And to be quite honest, I kind of want it, too. But she's engaged. What should I do? Has anyone had a similar situation?

2006-07-19 14:07:38 · 15 answers · asked by mountie218 4

i would really like to kno cz im trying pretty hard to impress him and im not doing a good job and hes not into alot of things... he likes rap...?!?!?!

2006-07-19 14:02:08 · 4 answers · asked by Nikki 1

i have four children ages, six, ten, thirteen, and seventeen. They are all grossly overweight. I know they need to lose weight, but nothing i do seems to help, and it is a constant battle to keep them from eating so much. I worry constantly about their health. I take responsibilty for letting them get this way. But i now see the error of my ways, and want to help them. But they are all so stubburn and dont think they need to lose weight. They all love to eat, it is their favorite thing to do. How can i change thier thiniking? I have a seven year old that weights 180 lbs., a ten year old that weighs 205, a thirteen year old that weighs 320 and a seventeen year old that weighs about 410. So any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for the advice.

2006-07-19 13:56:23 · 6 answers · asked by iloveatrucker06 1

2006-07-19 13:53:19 · 12 answers · asked by Paul D 2

that will be my research on my house and i would like some history from my adress.. so that i will be fimilars of my house.. and those history gotta be from 1800-1900 okay thank if you could help me find it...

2006-07-19 13:50:04 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-19 13:49:39 · 11 answers · asked by Sona 1

The people in my life are driving me crazy, mother asking for money, boyfriend not pulling his weight, roommate knocking asking for cigarettes, friend asking for medication. Jeez, I am really down myself right now, and barely have for myself. What do I do? I feel like moving away from everybody.

2006-07-19 13:36:56 · 22 answers · asked by Tracie J 1