Entertainment & Music - 22 November 2007

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

C**trated.


What's the difference between government bonds and men?

Bonds mature.


What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.


Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?

So men can remember them.

2007-11-22 01:14:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-22 01:14:10 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

A secretary comes in late for work for the third day in a row,
so her boss calls her into his office.

"Look, Sharon, " he says irritably. "I
know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over.
I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee
around here. Who told you that, just because we had an affair,
you could come and go as you please around here?"

Sharon lights up a cigarette and says, "My lawyer."
===============================
A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny
object, she asks, "What is that?"

The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."


The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold." So she buys one.

The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also
a blonde, asks, "What is that shiny object?"


She replies "It's a thermos."

He asks, "What does it do?"

2007-11-22 01:13:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Opinions?

2007-11-22 01:13:49 · 6 answers · asked by cats 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-22 01:12:48 · 5 answers · asked by †ђ!ηK †αηK² 6 in Polls & Surveys

I am doing research for a paper on psychology, and in it I want to show what aspects of a person's personality I can tell, by not knowing the person, but just knowing what their favorite fairy tale is, so I would really appreciate if you'd share!! Thanks in advance! :-)

2007-11-22 01:12:29 · 31 answers · asked by ShelFish 4 in Polls & Surveys

BUY ME NARUTO RISE OF A NINJA FOR XBOX 360

2007-11-22 01:09:54 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Comics & Animation

What's the difference between a bar and a cl**oris?

Most men have no trouble finding a bar.


What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?

S*x.


What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?

When the power goes off.


What do men and women have in common?

They both distrust men.


How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?

Guilt gifts are nicer.


What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

His wife is good at picking out clothes.


How is a man like the weather?

Nothing can be done to change either one of them.


What is the difference between a man and childbirth?

One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

2007-11-22 01:09:54 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

What makes your toes curl? (if you don't understand the question...nevermind)

2007-11-22 01:09:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-22 01:09:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

i need a great male song to sing in church that wont rock the house but will show what being a Christian is

2007-11-22 01:08:46 · 5 answers · asked by vindicated_l 1 in Other - Music

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the p**ises off the smart ones.

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the p**is called?

The man.


Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.


What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.


What do a cl**oris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

Men always miss them.


Why are men like commercials?

You can't believe a word they say.


Why are men like popcorn?

They satisfy you, but only for a little while.


Why are men like blenders?

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.


Why do so many women fake org**m?

Because so many men fake for**lay.


Why are women so bad at mathematics?

Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.

2007-11-22 01:07:32 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-22 01:04:49 · 15 answers · asked by Jay Seven 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-22 01:04:46 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

A dog, a cat, and a p**is are sitting around a camp fire one night.
The dog says,
"My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!".

The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter."

The p**is outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"


A man and a woman started to have s*x in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".

The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

2007-11-22 01:03:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Quote by Christian Slater...

"Ah, women...they'd be no civilization without them."

2007-11-22 01:02:44 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-22 01:00:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Jesus and Saint Paul are sitting in Heaven, talking about the pollution on Earth and wondering what can be done about mankind's filthy ways.

Jesus says he's going to pop down to Skegness to see the situation for himself, and Paul agrees to join him. When they get there,
Jesus asks
what the huge metal pipe is for. Paul tells him it's used to take human waste out to sea where the muck kills dolphins, so Jesus decides to take
action and strides across the waves. Walking alongside, Paul is soon knee-deep in filthy water, while Jesus scoots along on top of the sea.
Ever hopeful of some help he slogs on, and Jesus keeps walking on water... but soon the water is up to Paul's chin. "Master," he calls, "I will
follow you anywhere, but I'm up to my neck in shitty water and I think I'm going to drown." At this Jesus stops walking and looks at Paul.
"Well," he says, "why don't you just walk on the pipe like me, you silly pr*ck?"

2007-11-22 00:59:47 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

with snow overnight? And they're calling for another 10-15 cm--yuck! I hate snow!

2007-11-22 00:59:29 · 12 answers · asked by Yummy♥Mummy 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-22 00:59:25 · 19 answers · asked by Buddy Hodor 7 in Polls & Surveys

ooook i know i probably wont' get any answers but it's worth a shot. I remember seeing a commercial for a movie in either the late 90's or early 00's for a comedy movie that i wanted to see but never saw.

It was a guy and a woman falling in love then getting married. But for some reason when they got married it was hell. So they started to gang up on each other and play a bunch of pranks on each other. From the looks of the commercial the woman always won, maybe it was just her making his life a living hell lol. The guy had brown hair, and the woman was tall and had blonde hair, and no im not thinking of Just married, it was before that was made i know that much.

This movie wasn't big though which is why i can't remember what it was called sorry.

2007-11-22 00:59:08 · 5 answers · asked by loveasianmen69 2 in Movies

It was "chatting" according to the form violation notice. So even if it's Thanksgiving, PLEASE do not discuss people, items, and events of gratitude.


Schmucks.

(I'm still thankful for all of my fellow inmat --- er, FRIENDS, here on Polls & Surveys. Hugs and plunger-arm kissies, etc.)

2007-11-22 00:57:53 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-22 00:57:49 · 4 answers · asked by jignutty 4 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-22 00:57:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Heard it on the radio one time and didn't catch who they said performed it. It sounded like an 80s song.

2007-11-22 00:57:15 · 3 answers · asked by dumbuglyweirdo 5 in Other - Music

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."


2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."



3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to
knock you into the middle of next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."


5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."


7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to
cry about."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. My mot her taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

2007-11-22 00:57:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

xD

2007-11-22 00:56:35 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Can somebody solve this mystery once and for all plz?!

2007-11-22 00:56:33 · 9 answers · asked by †ђ!ηK †αηK² 6 in Polls & Surveys

If your life had to follow one of these two paths, which would you choose?

Thanks!

2007-11-22 00:55:07 · 8 answers · asked by Abby O'Normal 6 in Polls & Surveys

I like pretty much everything, depending on what it is. But I mostly like categories involving rock and the like, as I am a fan of the Japanese band Nightmare, as well as MSI and Gorillaz.

2007-11-22 00:54:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys