Entertainment & Music - 20 September 2007

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

2007-09-20 19:44:40 · 16 answers · asked by Frank Heyes 2 in Jokes & Riddles

9 ⤊

What is the reason God created the whole universe?

2007-09-20 19:43:39 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

7 ⤊

Mommy mommy 10...........................?

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!

Shut up and step on the gas!

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Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara Falls!

Shut up and get back in the barrel!

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Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?

Shut up and get back in the barrel!

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Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!

Shut up and eat your hamburger!

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Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course?

Shut up and search the sand traps!

2007-09-20 19:43:14 · 18 answers · asked by Frank Heyes 2 in Jokes & Riddles

5 ⤊

What makes you scared?

2007-09-20 19:40:26 · 11 answers · asked by :] 1 in Polls & Surveys

1 ⤊

Buying a New Farm..................?

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.

Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.

Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.

The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"

The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."

"Comfortable?" the guy questions.

"Yes, you see she reads slow."

2007-09-20 19:39:59 · 15 answers · asked by Frank Heyes 2 in Jokes & Riddles

3 ⤊

Why do (most) superheroes not kill?

How can Batman justify not killing the Joker when given the chance. Excuses. Excuses.

2007-09-20 19:39:46 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Comics & Animation

6 ⤊

Who are you? Soul or body?

2007-09-20 19:39:19 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

1 ⤊

Blonde Car Accident..................?

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

2007-09-20 19:39:16 · 21 answers · asked by Frank Heyes 2 in Jokes & Riddles

10 ⤊

Do you like being the center of attention?

2007-09-20 19:39:06 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2 ⤊

Are You Really Sure?

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

2007-09-20 19:38:38 · 21 answers · asked by Frank Heyes 2 in Jokes & Riddles

13 ⤊

Are you still trying to free yourself from thoughts of someone or something?

2007-09-20 19:38:36 · 19 answers · asked by NoLongerHere 7 in Polls & Surveys

0 ⤊

A lecture about English...............?

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

2007-09-20 19:37:33 · 12 answers · asked by Frank Heyes 2 in Jokes & Riddles

0 ⤊

Favourite James Bond?

I like Pierce Brosnan the best!

2007-09-20 19:36:19 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

13 ⤊

so,exactly how can someone be 'pretty ugly'???

2007-09-20 19:35:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2 ⤊

What's the deal with people who?

...who really think you'll be scared if they threaten to come and beat you up/kill you/turn you in to the cops because you've somehow upset them on Y!A or a message board or chat room or something?

I mean even if I were to say, "I know this guy who killed ten people," or "I'm going to join the Mafia and become a hitman," or something outrageous like that, there is such a small chance that anyone could use that against me that it's basically nonexistent!

Does anyone out there really worry if someone here claims that they're going to find them or turn them in?

2007-09-20 19:32:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

4 ⤊

who's heartbeat do you wish you could feel right now?

2007-09-20 19:30:30 · 15 answers · asked by Heartbreak kid 5 in Polls & Surveys

7 ⤊

What maches best with Libra?

2007-09-20 19:29:47 · 12 answers · asked by kiskaiskissable 1 in Horoscopes

15 ⤊

What do you like to snack on while YAHOOING?

2007-09-20 19:26:59 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

0 ⤊

Can you please give me a STAR? I'll post in a joke!?

I like stars! :)

Okay here are the jokes:

The teacher in the day-care centre helped kids to memorise their home addresses and phone numbers.
A girl had her street name written down but could not remember her house number.

"If your house is on fire and you call emergency," the teacher asked, "How will the firefighters know where to go?"

She had a plan: "I'll tell them to go to South Street and look for the house that's on fire."

Next joke:

Heck is where people go if they don't believe in gosh.

2007-09-20 19:26:49 · 12 answers · asked by little zebulon 4 in Polls & Surveys