As some of you have noticed, I am approaching a point where I will be able to move on with my life and find an appropriate place for my grief.
I find these days that I smile and laugh easier, that I anticipate things in the near future and that I deal with the minor disasters that have plagued me recently.
In other words, I am living.
But I find that every time I smile and laugh I am also feeling guilty.
I never thought that I'd survive the loss of my son. I never wanted to go on without him and figured eventually I'd join him.
Now I find that the idea of moving forward is conflicting with the need to cherish the memory of my son.
It feels like my being happy is saying that my son wasn't my world, that he wasn't important to me. That I can live without him.
I know I'm supposed to. But he -was- my world.
I don't want to let go, but I must if I am to live. But if I live, how does that not devalue him?
Your wisdom is earnestly sought.
2007-07-09
13:27:04
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35 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Religion & Spirituality