Entertainment & Music - 31 October 2007

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ***!"

"Amen," replied the congregation

2007-10-31 03:37:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-31 03:36:16 · 28 answers · asked by Chav Princess 7 in Polls & Surveys

If you had to choose one, would you rather be a fairy or a mermaid and why?

2007-10-31 03:36:06 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

While on the pot? I have read before but talking on the phone is just gross, strange and creepy to me! Star me!

2007-10-31 03:36:01 · 6 answers · asked by ? 5 in Polls & Surveys

I should have been a sexy goat this Halloween. Oh well, no costume this year!

2007-10-31 03:33:32 · 33 answers · asked by I am T-bag's b itch 6 in Polls & Surveys

that studies have been done, showing that your IQ is below normal? also, if there's a child in the car, you're putting the it at high risk for hearing loss, VERY low IQ, and behavioral problems?

2007-10-31 03:32:55 · 31 answers · asked by (!)listen 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:32:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:31:30 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:31:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

so you think you're the dali lama of yahoo?

2007-10-31 03:31:08 · 15 answers · asked by Allergic To Eggs 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:29:27 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:29:24 · 28 answers · asked by BooBell=) 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:29:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:27:55 · 28 answers · asked by BooBell=) 6 in Polls & Surveys

I had a dream last night that I was in a car crash and I could feel myself drifting away... particle by particle. I know it sounds corny, but when I woke up my whole body felt numb, like I did in my dream.

2007-10-31 03:27:19 · 12 answers · asked by Holy Macaroni! 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:25:53 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:24:36 · 8 answers · asked by TD Euwaite? 6 in Polls & Surveys

Which came first, the Munch Bunch cartoons or the Munch Bunch youghurts and related dairy/confectionary products?

2007-10-31 03:24:06 · 1 answers · asked by Martin B 2 in Comics & Animation

and felt sad for no reason?

2007-10-31 03:22:25 · 31 answers · asked by * SeñørITA * 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:21:32 · 40 answers · asked by Ron L 4 in Polls & Surveys

Pumpkin Charlie Brown" last night? It was the 40th year, and I still love it, watched it with my 4 yr old and he loved it. My favorite is Woodstock and Schroeder, who is your favorite and why?

2007-10-31 03:21:24 · 9 answers · asked by Bambam 6 in Polls & Surveys

If you have a friend with only 4 fingers do you still say, give me 5.. Or do they get all mad and offended?

2007-10-31 03:20:46 · 14 answers · asked by Sweet T 5 in Polls & Surveys

"Put that in my goodie bag!"

2007-10-31 03:16:54 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Mr. And Mrs. Pallone are retired. Mrs. Pallone insists that he go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Pallone loves to browse.

Here's a letter sent to her from the store.

Dear Mrs. Pallone,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

All complaints against Mr. Pallone are listed below.

Things Mr. Pallone has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares... And watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the anti-depressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, and yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams 'NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!'

And last, but not least ..

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey, There's no toilet paper in here!'

SEND THIS ON. How could you resist?

And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day.

Put more laughter in your day. See you at Wal-mart.

2007-10-31 03:16:23 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I cannot be other than what I am
Until the man that made me dies
Power and glory will fall to me, finally
Only when he lasts closes his eyes.

2007-10-31 03:15:57 · 3 answers · asked by Hannah C 1 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-31 03:15:19 · 23 answers · asked by ewartesque 2 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-31 03:14:48 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Movies

2007-10-31 03:14:36 · 16 answers · asked by Juzzy [[&]] Roxy 3 in Lyrics

1) pay off all debt for me & my family
2) arrange to buy a nice house in the UK
3) arrange to buy a nice holiday house in Greece

2007-10-31 03:14:02 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

i just thought about it at lunch and figured it would be something cool to talk about.

2007-10-31 03:14:02 · 3 answers · asked by storeetjdjay 6 in Polls & Surveys