All categories - 21 August 2006

A man had an altercation with his wife. He said, "It's enough. I'm leaving. I'm going to Vietnam."
"Are you crazy? You'll be killed there."
"I'm not going to fight. I'm going to make money."
"How?"
"There are only few men remaining in Vietnam that the Vietnamese women pay a man $100 per night."
"Then I'll go with you"
"What for?"
"To see how you will live on $200 per months."
****************************
A cool girl in the Hawai went into the water and an abrupt wave washed off her bra-bikini. Coming out on the coast she crossed hands on the breast, as all women do, she met a little boy playing on the sand.
The boy:"Lady, if you're going to drown these funny puppies, I'll take the one with a brown nose..!!!"
*********************
Two little boys meet:
- How old are ye?
- I dunno.
- Are you interested in girls?
- No...
- Then you must be four, because I'm five.

2006-08-21 00:51:31 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6 in Jokes & Riddles

2006-08-21 00:51:31 · 14 answers · asked by Joe G 1 in Weather

This is hilarious! Read to the very end.

A MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is priceless!
Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don't know.

It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered
a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A
man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Stephen. May I
please speak with Ashley Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on
me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Ashley's correct number and called her. I had transposed the
last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I
decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone,
I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down
with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're
interested in the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the
phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're anasshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW M3 cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for
the spot.
The idiot ignored me and then stuck his middle finger out the window
and waved it around. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in his car
window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, ( I
had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW M3 for sale?"

"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a very modern white
house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as
it used to be. So, I came up with an idea.

I called Asshole #1. "Hello." "You're an asshole!"
( But I didn't hang up. )

"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Burgemeyer."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a white house, and to
make easy for you, my black BMW M3 is parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole. Bring your lunch!!"

Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ***." he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill
my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on West
34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I
saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad
cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better. Anger management really works...!

2006-08-21 00:51:30 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4 in Jokes & Riddles

2006-08-21 00:51:28 · 1 answers · asked by Shawn M 1 in Video & Online Games

please can someone give me lodz of info on a tyrannosaurus rex, the one who has the most information will get 10 points.

2006-08-21 00:51:23 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

this is a project given to my son studying in class 8.so pl write the answer accordingly.

2006-08-21 00:51:22 · 5 answers · asked by tiku_leena1967 2 in Other - General Health Care

Both in friendship and in a relationship.

2006-08-21 00:51:18 · 29 answers · asked by ♥ Miss Sausage ♥ 5 in Horoscopes

2006-08-21 00:51:14 · 23 answers · asked by Cyber Bob 2 in Cleaning & Laundry

I have made one of those infamous 'bets' in my local pub on Saturday night that I can walk 50 miles in 12 hours.

The terrain is fairly flat, and it is planned for next Saturday at 6am.

Does anyone think I can do it?

No training, (apart from what I do this weekend), other than that I am a keen cyclist, and am fairly strong at it too.

What do we think people!??

2006-08-21 00:51:14 · 21 answers · asked by rjn2001_uk 1 in Beer, Wine & Spirits

their were more reasons why the french lost besides Zidane being sent off ,Vierra got hurt and Henry played well but got injured in overtime.

2006-08-21 00:51:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in FIFA World Cup (TM)

anyone know where I should start?

2006-08-21 00:51:11 · 4 answers · asked by curiouszoey01 2 in Other - Entertainment

if u have played the game i think it would be a great idea except fr the helmet thing and ppl in comas -.-

we can stick with keyboa5rds and mouses fr now ok?

but anyway if you have heard sumthing about an online dot hack game PLZ post here

2006-08-21 00:50:59 · 2 answers · asked by ~Hustler~D-Boi~FIREMAN~ 1 in Video & Online Games

I met this guy on the net and we have been talking for a while. He said he love me but i find that type of love impossible. Advice please.

2006-08-21 00:50:58 · 29 answers · asked by precioustt 1 in Singles & Dating

2006-08-21 00:50:48 · 20 answers · asked by rohit_791 1 in Marriage & Divorce

Did you ever got cold feet about your divorce? Ive been to about three diffrent laywers (which i had to pay a fee each time) to file for a divorce and for each time i never return. I cant bring myself to do it everytime i reach home i break down crying. My husband says he also wants a divorce but he has yet to make any steps towards it. He now lives with someone and my sister in law told me that hes telling his family and his girlfriend that he dont have the money to pay for a lawyer. When she said this i only could laugh because my husband has a trucking company and he makes money plenty money he could pay for a divorce with just one job and have plenty change left over. The strange thing about this is when we were together we hardly ever communicated but now that were separted we could actually talk about and what we both did worng in the marriage. were both dating but he nethier i wants to file for a divorce Whats up with this?

2006-08-21 00:50:48 · 11 answers · asked by lady_bactran 1 in Marriage & Divorce

need somewhere where alot is going on

2006-08-21 00:50:25 · 31 answers · asked by mcardham 2 in Other - Holidays

2006-08-21 00:50:22 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

is it right?
iceland has giving permission for pakistani citizens without visa?.............. (on arrival entery)

2006-08-21 00:50:20 · 4 answers · asked by rao k 1 in Immigration

Can you help please on information on how to expand our business to Jersey and move our small family over. We are finding it very hard to get the right business and legal advise. Any names of such professionals on the island or any sites or books that anyone can recommend we would be most grateful.

2006-08-21 00:50:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Small Business

2006-08-21 00:50:07 · 2 answers · asked by Joe K 6 in Books & Authors

2006-08-21 00:50:04 · 27 answers · asked by nariz 2 in Other - Society & Culture

Don't you think it's somehow one of Queen's Metal albums,
beside "Sheer heart attack" or "Queen II" ??
I mean especially these songs: Innuendo, Headlong, The show must go on or Hitman??
Just wanna know your opinion, thanx!

2006-08-21 00:50:00 · 4 answers · asked by Rewolve 4 in Music

Personally I gotta go with Tuks as the best University and Pretoria Boys' High as the best school...

2006-08-21 00:49:53 · 13 answers · asked by orion 3 in South Africa

2006-08-21 00:49:49 · 58 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - General Health Care

My new girlfriend wants to use a strap on dildo (she wants to use it on me) She says because I am blonde and blue eyed and have more delicate features (In other words, she thinks I am the more feminine) that she wants to wear it. I think that she has beautiful brown hair, a pretty face and a beautiful body. I never thought about her being disrespectful to me until just now when someone answered my last question a few minutes ago. I am 20 and she is 25. Am I just being naive. I don't have much experience with this. I am just all confused now!!!. What do you think?

2006-08-21 00:49:32 · 6 answers · asked by Rachel 1 in Other - Family & Relationships

2006-08-21 00:49:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Television

2006-08-21 00:49:15 · 16 answers · asked by Sekar 2 in FIFA World Cup (TM)

2006-08-21 00:49:13 · 14 answers · asked by LUCKY 2 in Friends

is it right?
iceland has giving permission for pakistani citizens without visa?.............. (on arrival entery)

2006-08-21 00:48:52 · 7 answers · asked by rao k 1 in Embassies & Consulates