Has this ever happen to any divorce women?

Question

Did you ever got cold feet about your divorce? Ive been to about three diffrent laywers (which i had to pay a fee each time) to file for a divorce and for each time i never return. I cant bring myself to do it everytime i reach home i break down crying. My husband says he also wants a divorce but he has yet to make any steps towards it. He now lives with someone and my sister in law told me that hes telling his family and his girlfriend that he dont have the money to pay for a lawyer. When she said this i only could laugh because my husband has a trucking company and he makes money plenty money he could pay for a divorce with just one job and have plenty change left over. The strange thing about this is when we were together we hardly ever communicated but now that were separted we could actually talk about and what we both did worng in the marriage. were both dating but he nethier i wants to file for a divorce Whats up with this?

Answer 1

I went through the same exact thing with my divorce but I fought myself and went through with it. The thing is that you obviously have good grounds for a divorce or else you guys would still be together, however now that it comes time to actually take the steps to make the divorce a reality you are burdened with the actual change and letting go. I found it hard to do so because I began thinking of all of the good memories and times that we had and was allowing it to cloud my better judgement to the reasons that we no longer were. I knew that once I took the step it would finalize everything and that there was no turning back. It was difficult because despite all of the bad things that he had done, it didnt deny the fact that there was emotions still there. It signified the actual letting go of a marriage that I invested so much time and love into and that letting him go was kind of like letting go of a part of myself. What finally got me to break through and proceed was that I kept reminding myself what had brought us to this point (his infidelity) and that hes never going to change and neither will our marriage despite these moment where I thought there was a chance for it to be saved. Remembering the past and holding on with the thought that he might change or things might be as you wanted when first marrying is just your emotions getting the best of you. I think a lot of it can get chalked down to fear as well because you are embarking on a new life where you must rely on yourself and begin entirely new and it can be quite scary especially when it is at the cost of letting go to one of the most familiar and perhaps most comfortable things in your life. My ex and I communicated so much better after separating because there was no responsbility or baggage there, like there was while we were married. I can't lie and say that after filing and now waiting for it to be finalized that things are easy but at least I know that we can finally communicate on some civil level and at least be friends, which is a lot better then being together and at each other's throats. We both acknowledged what we did wrong in the relationship, and I look at it more now as our coming to terms and learning from each other so that we can heal ourselves and perhaps be better partners to others in the future. I think that before you jump your guns and think that its going to be great, remember that if you guys get back together that it will most likely go back to the way things were prior to your separating and that its probably best that you guys just continue to remain "civil" and work on healing yourselves and getting on with your lives. This is one of the hardest things that a person can go through and believe me I know this because it still hurts me now, but as much as I hate to admit it I know that he and I are better off apart and what matters most is that WE BOTH find happiness even if its at the expense of being apart. I don't want to sound like a pessimist because perhaps there is a chance that you guys can reconcile your differences, I just dont want you to make the same mistake that I almost made and back out of what's best for you out of fear of letting go and leading a new life without him. Whatever choice that you make, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. I read a good book while I was deciding on the divorce and it actually help me out a lot in making the final decision and perhaps it might help you too...its called "Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum...it serves as a guide to help those who have relationship ambivalence get a good assessment of whether or not they are better off in a relationship with a particular person or if its in their best interest to leave...if anything it might just give you some things to consider...Good Luck:)

Answer 2

It is hard to make that final step. At one time you both believed with all your hearts that you would be together forever. You made a covenant. If you are religious at all, you made a promise in front of God, and asked God to bless your union.
It is easy for a non-divorced person to say- oh, let it go.
I did get cold feet about my divorce, but eventually went through it. And I couldn't be happier now.
Also, instead of both hiring divorce lawyers- we hired one mediator who was a lawyer. The whole thing cost a mere $700 because we were working together to find a mutual settlement, not pitting our lawyers against eachother.

Answer 3

I read your other questions---within the last few weeks--and you sound really mixed up....your husband, the 55 yr old, the hot married guy...it sounds like you need to forget about who you are with this guy, or that guy, and take a hiatus from men and love, and figure out WHO YOU ARE, period. Why do you fall for men so easily? Why don't you know what you want? Try counseling, self-help books, and alone time, developing your interests/talents/identity...take time to reflect and figure out what you learned from your relationships, what your mistakes were, or you'll be doomed to repeat those mistakes...and work on your self-esteem and learn to love yourself...and ask the tough questions...do you NEED someone in your life? For financial/emotional reasons? Maybe that's why you seem so desperate to get involved, and you're mistaking a need for 'love'...talk to your girlfriends---they can be a great emotional support system as well...try to become more independent and respect yourself, then once you achieve that, you'll be drawn to someone who respects you as well. When we move too fast in our lives, without taking time to reflect and soul-search before moving on to the next thing, we complicate our lives...believe me, I know from experience!

Answer 4

What he means, when he says he can't afford a divorce, is he's going to lose half of everything when he does get a divorce. Forgodsake! He's living with another woman and spending your money on her. Go get that attorney and file those papers. Stop acting like a blond. Good luck and may God bless you.

Answer 5

That final step is so hard because it's, well, final. You feel freer from the bond of your marriage now and are talking as friends. It's a more comfortable conversation now that you're reading the situation in retrospect, and perhaps you're able to be nicer to each other due to distance.

Answer 6

i can tell you from experience.. if you and he have "cold " feet and are now starting to "talk" you both owe it to yourselves to at least sit down and really talk . find out if you want to try again, sometimes just a separation will make someone realize that they want to make it work.Do this before you make the final step toward divorce you could have a great life together if it's something you both really want. good luck

Answer 7

There is no need to procrastinate now. This marriage is over and there is no need to wait and see what the other will do. You need to fle for and go forward with the divorce. Stop wasting money when the end result is going to be the same.

Answer 8

He's living with someone and you've got cold feet? It doesn't sound like he's very committed to you. You're talking about your marriage, but will it be any better if you get back together? If you truly want to get back together, and so does he, he has to ditch the live-in ASAP, and you both need to get marital counseling to decide if this is what you really want.

Answer 9

Well, since he already has someone else to replace you why would you want to hold on to this marriage, move on with your life and prove to him life is not worse for without him. And don't hop from lawyer to lawyer even if you can afford to pay, important is find a lawyer who can represent you on the case.

Answer 10

Sounds to me like you are better friends than lovers.