Talking about it helps some with a tharapist. That & writing about it helps me remember more. Yet, I don't feel I've totally recovered. Far from it. I still hate certain kinds of men & I get very upset when I hear of men going to topless bars & bachelor parties. I wish that I wasn't attracted to bad men who end up hurting me really bad. There's usally some sexual abuse of some kind too & I feel violated all over again. Then I swear that I'm done with guys like him. I don't say when I wake up that day, "I want to find a guy today who will abuse me & disrespect me. Yep that's what I'm gonna do." Then I meet him, fall in love & the process starts all over again, like I'm stuck in some f**king time loop.
It is always the same conversation when I talk to my therapist about it & I feel like we haven't covered any new ground. Now maybe this isn't so. Maybe I'm actually doing a lot of healing in this therapy process & making a lot of progress & don't know it.
What do you suggest?
2006-09-01
02:17:36
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