I'm really troubled today. I have had a string of abusive men in my life, my father, my husband, my recent ex. They were all emotionally unavailable, and tried to control me, my creativity and my emotions. Thing is, as unhappy as I was with all of them, I enjoyed constantly trying to be everything they wanted. As much as it was destroying me, it was the acceptance that I craved and yearned for that provided excitement and passion. A very unhealthy balance I know, but I very low-self esteem, and constantly trying to be someone they wanted me to be made me happy in an unhealthy way. I can't really explain it properly.
I've met a new guy and have told him all of this, I've said to him now that I can only offer friendship which he is OK with. The reason I've said this is because he was too nice to me. I couldn't stand it. I don't feel I deserve it, and it scared me. The safety zone was horrible for me.
Why on earth am I like this? Why am I attracted to men who hurt me?
2007-06-15
00:00:14
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19 answers
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asked by
rollacoasta
3