Entertainment & Music - 18 November 2007

A circus owner walked into a bar to find everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for
$10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "That's strange" said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
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Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey?" "No" "Do you play soccer?" "No" "Do you play any other physical sport?" "Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."

2007-11-18 21:20:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

apart from sleeping, thats kind of a given...

2007-11-18 21:20:10 · 20 answers · asked by Gem 3 in Polls & Surveys

She was on the radio, just curious.
::)

Have a nice day!

2007-11-18 21:18:05 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 21:17:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 21:15:11 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 21:15:05 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Now I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly.

I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.

If you would do this for me no one would ever know.

I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would.

I am very desperate and I need your help.

You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry.

I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so.

Do you have a piece of gum?

2007-11-18 21:14:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-18 21:13:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Horoscopes

2007-11-18 21:13:14 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 21:12:14 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

would you still give me a kiss if I walked in on you with a mistletoe?

2007-11-18 21:11:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 21:10:18 · 18 answers · asked by ? 5 in Polls & Surveys

what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

2007-11-18 21:09:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-18 21:09:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 21:07:10 · 12 answers · asked by SERENA P 6 in Polls & Surveys

...your spirits?

2007-11-18 21:05:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 21:02:27 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Jomo is a servant boy ho drinks his boss's wine everyday and puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank. But the boss having suspicions as for the quality of the wine,decides to buy pastis ( a French wine that changes color if you add water).
Jomo as usual,takes a mouthful and adds water to replace what he drank.
However,soon the after he adds the water the pastis becomes milky.
When the boss came back and noticed it, he was sure he had managed to nail Jomo as a thief!!!
At that same time Jomo realised he was in trouble and decided to go into the kitchen.

The boss said to his wife "Cherish,you'll see, he'll ve obliged to acknowledge".
The boss shouted,"Jomo!"
Jomo,"Yes,Boss".
Boss,"Who drank my pastis?"
No answer.

The Boss reiterated his question:still no answer.

Boss,"Are you insane or what? Why when I call you you say"yes boss" but when I ask you a question you don't answer me?"

2007-11-18 20:59:36 · 6 answers · asked by ms avarage 2 in Jokes & Riddles

"Yahoo is taking a break" message?

It's a royal pain in the A-S-S

2007-11-18 20:59:12 · 12 answers · asked by agieagieagie22 4 in Polls & Surveys

i thought it was that neyo guy at first cause of the style but i have no idea...

2007-11-18 20:55:40 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Music

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a
diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a
day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I
see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing
nearly 20 pounds.


"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"


The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was
going to drop dead that 3rd day."


"From hunger, you mean?"


"No, from skipping.

2007-11-18 20:55:37 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

A blonde walks up to a soda machine and buys a coke while a man walks up behind her waiting for his turn. The blonde runs a way for a minute then comes back with a bag full of coins and continues putting money into the machine and getting cokes. The man asks her if shes finished and the blonde replys
shhhh im winning!!

2007-11-18 20:54:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

A wee auld wummin from the Gorbals is at a swanky do in the city. She is in the lift of The Hilton Hotel and with her are two very beautiful and regal young women. The first one has a simply devine smelling perfume and our wee auld wummin sniffs the air appreciatively and ask the first young woman what the perfume is: "Chanel No 5, £70 pounds a bottle, John Lewis." she replies with more than just a little disdain in her arch tones.

The old lady turns to the second beauty and asks her about her perfume "Iyves St Laurent Nu, 80 pounds a bottle, Watt Brothers." she responds, even more snootily than the first one.

Just before they reach their floor, the wee auld Gorbals wummin bends over and drops the biggest fart you have ever heard. As the fumes engulf our two majestic young women, who are at gagging point with the stink, our we auld Gorbals wummin says as she departs the lift: "Economy Beans, 6 Tins Furra Pound, Lidls"

2007-11-18 20:54:23 · 4 answers · asked by bubbles 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-18 20:52:02 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 20:51:47 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Does anyone know this British show The Liver Birds? It used to be on the UK channel on pay tv years ago. Is it out on DVD anywhere?

2007-11-18 20:51:23 · 3 answers · asked by Ameza 2 in Other - Television

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb? Ten!
One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other’s shoulders!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf”esteem!

How long should an elf's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
"First, YULE LOGon"!

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log!

What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!

Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
Elfis!

One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"

How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"

Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!

2007-11-18 20:43:38 · 2 answers · asked by bubbles 2 in Jokes & Riddles

placed in my position.. Such a heavy burden now to be "The One".. Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending.. To write it down for all the world to see.. But I forgot my pen..

May I borrow yours?

2007-11-18 20:40:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

sorry I'm just really hungry and that's all I can think about is FOOD

2007-11-18 20:38:56 · 19 answers · asked by Preacher's Wife 4 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-18 20:38:45 · 36 answers · asked by Smurf 7 in Polls & Surveys