Entertainment & Music - 8 November 2007

A Blonde's Year in Review

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...HELLOOO!...bottles won't fit in printer.

March - Got really excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2 - 4 years"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out.

May- Tried to make Kool-Aid - wrong instructions... 8 cups of water won't fit into that little packet.

June- Tried to go water skiing - couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stoke swimming competition...learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms.

August- Got locked out of my car in a rain storm...car swamped because soft-top was open.

September- The capital of California is "C", isn't it?

October- Hate M&M's - they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 !!!

December - Couldn't dial 911- duh - there's no eleven on the stupid phone.

2007-11-08 21:30:01 · 8 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
Perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Golly, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ..."
"Oh yeah?" the man asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
asked,I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't
you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
physics, and philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The man looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20.
Just make the guy an offer!"
The man offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,
he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
sympathizes, and he's insightful. The man is delighted.
One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if
I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the man.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at
the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy says incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees
and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic man screams, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"

2007-11-08 21:29:19 · 2 answers · asked by Gina B 4 in Jokes & Riddles

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."

2007-11-08 21:29:07 · 12 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

whats a good song for when a relationship breaks up. a long one, and its like i miss you, i want you back?

i need a good song like that right now.

2007-11-08 21:27:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Music

2007-11-08 21:27:26 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Polls and surveys i am

2007-11-08 21:24:10 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

they were collecting bee's wax.

2007-11-08 21:23:12 · 10 answers · asked by Bumumble 3 in Polls & Surveys

4 surgeons were sitting and discussing who they like to operate on. The 1st surgeon said:" I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is on alphabetical order." The 2nd surgeon said:" I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order." The 3rd surgeon said:" I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded".
The 4th surgeon said:" I like operating on politicians."
The other 3 surgeons looked at each other in disbelief until one of them asked:"Why?"
The 4th surgeon replied:" Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless and their butt and head are interchangeable."

2007-11-08 21:21:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-08 21:21:28 · 19 answers · asked by ? 3 in Polls & Surveys

I would like to see that!

2007-11-08 21:20:32 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

2007-11-08 21:18:33 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

hey i live in INDIA and i here invites you to visit it any time you like. i can be your free guide.

2007-11-08 21:18:26 · 27 answers · asked by VG! 1 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-08 21:18:08 · 18 answers · asked by CP 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-08 21:17:03 · 21 answers · asked by Mimza 3 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-08 21:16:29 · 8 answers · asked by VG! 1 in Polls & Surveys

Feels like I spend more time with my co workers than my family.

2007-11-08 21:14:06 · 11 answers · asked by wolflady 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-08 21:09:56 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Can you stop me now??

2007-11-08 21:07:56 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I never seem to be able to control my hands! :)

2007-11-08 21:07:26 · 7 answers · asked by Lisa B 4 in Polls & Surveys

that the principle of 'Real Politick' will prevail!? .... in that real Key Decisions are made behind closed doors and that eventually History will ' be kind to him'.

2007-11-08 21:05:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

when you walk by a window or mirror

2007-11-08 21:05:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

...where do you put your fingers?

2007-11-08 21:04:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

First it was on my screen, then the window.....but i can't see it no more

2007-11-08 21:04:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

It makes a noise similar to a harmonica. One is used on Champagne Supernova.

2007-11-08 21:02:50 · 8 answers · asked by Jason E 3 in Other - Music

What i mean..
if you don't go to church on xmas eve, if you don't prepare xmas three at home.. maybe you partying or going out.. but that's all..
and the most important, if you threat xmas just like any other vacation time..

2007-11-08 21:02:31 · 2 answers · asked by Aimee J 2 in Polls & Surveys

(^^,)

2007-11-08 21:02:19 · 24 answers · asked by ? 3 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-08 21:02:08 · 22 answers · asked by Aquamarine 5 in Polls & Surveys

be honest if you don't know count them on your profile

2007-11-08 21:00:06 · 19 answers · asked by Joshua 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-08 20:59:58 · 15 answers · asked by la$t drinx$ 3 in Polls & Surveys

Dash
Star
Misty

I like all three of these names, so as I can't decide I've decided to have a vote, the name with the most votes at the end of the day will be her name!

2007-11-08 20:59:41 · 23 answers · asked by Shadow 4 in Polls & Surveys